


Bound By Purpose: A Marvel Fanfiction

by EloraMaxwell



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:21:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 50,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EloraMaxwell/pseuds/EloraMaxwell
Summary: There are many things that make a man great.Heroism.Bravery.Strength.Reputation.But above all, a sad truth is that purpose is necessary to lead all men to greatness. To truly live a life worth speaking of is to find a purpose, however great or small. None is too insignificant to impact the world in a great way, and to find those that walk this path choose their future for themselves. They choose a future of comfort and pain. They choose joy and sorrow. They choose delight and regret. They choose honor and betrayal. This is the sorrow of the great man.He chooses to be Bound by Purpose.-A three part book beginning with The First Avenger and concluding with End Game-
Relationships: Bucky/Evelyn Evelyn/Tony Stark





	1. Brooklyn

April 10th, 1929

Dear Mother,

It's me, Evelyn all the way across the ocean in America. Father and I have finally found a place to settle. It's not a palace or anywhere near our old home in London, but father has promised that his new job gives better pay than most do and he reassures me that we'll be up and out soon. Please get better and return to New York. America truly has all the opportunities that were spoken of, but I believe it won't be nearly as good as home until you've come back to us. I hope that you would give Lydia all my love as I miss her terribly. There are plenty of children around but all of the girls my age pay no attention to me. There is a nice family of two next door, a mother and her son, I believe his name is Steve. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting them yet, but I do believe they are kind.

Please take care of yourself Mama. I expect you here and well by July to be in time for my birthday. I miss you mum. Get well and come as soon as you are able. Father and I are waiting for you Mother. We love you!

From, 

Your sweet Evelyn.

I put down my pen as I finish my letter, and sit back against the the metal post of my small bed. It's all been a whirlwind. We had come to America for a better opportunity. Glancing down once more at the letter I've written the details of the journey come flooding back. It had started terribly as my lovely mother had been turned away at the sight of her sickness. Our chance had almost ended before it even began but my mother had urged us to go, to set up a new life. She had hugged me very tightly and patted me on the head before turning away. Our goodbye had been quick, quicker than anyone deserved. My father who was heartbroken to leave her behind was quiet for our entire journey across the ocean. He had no choice but to continue on without the love of his life, and I had to continue on without a mother.

My father was born and raised in Edinburgh but had somehow found himself working within the military. A branch that worked closely with its American counterpart. Although he won't tell me exactly what he does, or what caused our move to America I know he is ecstatic to work for this great nation.

At the moment we live in Brooklyn, something father says will change when he starts to move his way into his new job. Our home is not the grandest, or at all what I expected for that matter. But it's cozy and we are surrounded by other kind people just trying to find their way. I distract myself from missing my mother by looking around our small apartment. Everything we've brought sits close together. It was such a change from our sweeping flat in London. Looking up over my shoulder I peek ever so slightly through the crack the curtains create above the bed and peer out. New York had color, something London would lack at times. I sigh, think positively.

I blow across my letter once more to confirm that the ink has dried and hear a knock at the door alerting me from my perch. I gently lay my letter on my neatly made trundle and move to the door. Grabbing a small stool that's laying against the wall I drag it over and step up. Standing on my tippy toes I'm just able to see outside the peep hole. Standing there is a young woman with two young boys. I recognize the woman and the sickly boy as our neighbors. 

Turning I hop down sending my skirts up with the whoosh of air. I kick the stool aside and cautiously open the door to invite them in. Looking up at the woman I notice her kind eyes and instantly relax. She was a mother, I knew that much just from the way she rests her hand on the back of her son. I step back and open the door wider inviting them in. The mother smiles widely with her basket in hand. Kneeling down she meets me at eye level. "I brought you and your family some treats." I timidly peek under the cloth and see the assortment of breads. I smile at the woman and she returns the gesture. She looks beyond me now inside at our unpacked flat. "We can come back for the basket later tonight... When your parents come home." 

Stepping back from the threshold she reveals my father to me, who has just come up the stairs. Setting the basket down gently I run the few steps across the concrete patio and into his arms. He swings me around twice before finally setting me down again. He's dressed in his uniform and has yet another package of belongings cradled under one arm. 

"I'm Thomas Moore. And you are?" Father says shifting his weight and setting me down.

He reaches out a hand prompting for her introduction. "I'm Sara Rogers, and this is my son Steve. We just wanted to say hi and see if you were settling in well?"

"They brought us some food father!" I squirm away from his side back to the warm basket of fresh treats. 

"Well that's just wonderful Evelyn!" My father says. He picks up the basket and then turns back outside. "Please stay and have some coffee Mrs. Rogers." She smiles again, but how can a smile look sad?

She looks to the floor. "It's just Ms. now." I watch as my father nods and then steps out of Sara's way to let her in. I bounce in and go back to my toys that sit upon the floor. I'd thought maybe the boys would want to play to, but I guess paper dolls don't appeal to the boys here anymore than they did in Britain. They politely and quietly enter the room and stand at the wall by the door. 

My father and Sara supply the background noise as I go about my things, but soon I become bored. Looking up my eyes wander to the two boys. When Steve sees me staring he averts his eyes to the floor and sneaks outside. The other one... He doesn't break eye contact with me for a few moments. However, when Steve fails to reenter I watch the older boy carefully peer out to check on him, and then he goes outside. Curious, I leave my dolls and follow them to our patio. They're both standing on the railing. Steve has stepped up onto the first rung and even still he's nowhere near the other boy's height. I'm never one to be shy so I run up beside them and hop on the first rung beside the stranger. I reach my left hand across my body and extend it to him. "I'm Evelyn. I'm guessing he's Steve, but I don't know you." I say pointing across the stranger. I try my best to hide my accent. The girls I'd met earlier had told me to bury it if I wanted anyone to ever understand me.

"James Barnes." He says taking my hand and giving it a shake. 

"But everyone calls him Bucky." Steve speaks for the first time and I smile down the rail to him. At this time Steve's mother exits our door and calls for Steve to follow.

I try again to hide my accent but fail. "It was nice to meet you Steve." I smile at him as he takes the step down and follows his mother to his flat. I turn my attention back to James. "Are you not going to go." Again I try to hide my accent succeeding with a few words.

"Yeah. I guess I should go. I live down the street a ways." I feel as if I could almost hear a hint of an accent in his voice though I can't place it. He takes a step towards the stairs but he doesn't leave until after he speaks once more. "Don't try to hide your accent. It's... It's nice." With that he walks away. He's left me rather perplexed. When the puzzle of who he is leaves me with no more threads to follow I turn back to my door.

"What's this about hiding your accent?" My dad says, arms stretched out across the door frame.


	2. Hard Times

January 9th, 1935

I lean up against the school gate, waiting for Bucky and Steve to exit their school building as I do everyday. It's become routine for them to walk me to school and then for me to walk with them after I leave. We all still live very closely together despite my father's initial promises. Those promises were before the depression hit. We stayed because we didn't know how badly we'd be affected by it. We're one of the lucky families. My father kept his job and with only my mother and I to care for we've had it easier than most. Ever since the stock market crashed lots of houses have been going up for sale for relatively cheap prices, prices we can afford. Houses away from Steve and Bucky. 

I'm distracted from my thoughts as the final school bell rings. I watch all the kids spill out into the freezing cold. I've hated going to a different school than them, but my father insisted that if I ever wanted to get where I wanted in life that I would need to go to a sophisticated school. While my girls only school had given me many opportunities to learn and meet new people as times grew harder many of my good friends have left the school and now go to Steve and Bucky's school or don't go at all. I see these girls everyday but they never say hello. Some smile but most of them turn away from me. I can't blame them. I wish so much that I could help them and their families, but even if I could would they accept it from me. 

I keep my head down as my old friends pass. Guilt washes over me as they walk by in old dresses and thin sweaters, many of them are without coats. It's snowing, freezing, it has been all day. Behind the main group, a young girl that I've never met hurries to catch up to them. Without thinking about it much I stuff my hat and gloves into my coat pockets and slide it off my shoulders. I step in front of the younger girl. She looks up at me scared until she sees me holding out my coat to her. The exchange is wordless as she looks up at me with her cheeks red from the cold, and wraps her numb fingers around the coat collar. She takes it hesitantly thinking I may be playing a joke on her. I dump it into her arms and step away. I watch her slide down the icy sidewalk towards the group. She's warm. As she disappears, I realize how cold it really is even with my sweater on. I don't care though, that little girl is warm now. I can bare it until we get home.

Finally Steve and Bucky exit the building laughing and smiling. I smile back at them when we meet up. A cold wind rips through my thin sweater and skirt keeping my smile bright. "Where's your coat Eve? You'll freeze out here." Steve says.

Sensing the accusation I come up with a lame excuse, "Oh I forgot it."

"No you definitely had it this morning." Bucky accuses.

"Oh I just forgot it at school..." I lie. Shrugging I start to walk forward but Steve stops me and starts to take off his jacket. Bucky puts a hand out to stop him taking off his own. I roll my eyes and put my hands out to stop him from giving it to me, but he just puts it on me anyway. 

"Thanks Buck." I smile up at him and wrap it tighter around myself glad to be out of the cold. 

We exit the school yard and head down the familiar streets back to the warmth of our homes. Reaching Steve's door we find that Sara is still out at work and that Steve will be all alone like he often is. We say our goodbyes and I give Bucky his coat back smiling. He takes it gently from my red fingertips saying, "I know you feel bad for those girls, but you need to take care of yourself too." I look down nodding. 

He knows me so well, to know that I would do something like that. I unlock my door and answer him. "That's what I keep you two around for." I say laughing. I step across the doorway and into the heat of our flat. "Are you sure you don't want to stay and warm up?"

"Yeah. Sorry, I've got my little sister at home, I should give my mom a break." Suddenly I feel foolish. I'm worrying about what to have for dinner, and Bucky is worried about going home and not having anything to eat. When I turn around he's already halfway down the steps. Smelling mum's cooking makes my stomach growl but I really just want more time with James.

"Bucky hold up!" I yell down to him. I turn into my flat and call to my mother. "Mum I'm going down to Bucky's for awhile I'm gonna meet little Rebecca." She turns from the stove and waves me away. It's funny how whenever I mention Bucky being with me she automatically trusts me to stay out of trouble, but when I go by myself she gets strict. I quickly shut the door behind me letting my mother stay away from the bitterness of New York winter air. I skim the stairs and then slide on the sidewalk to Bucky's side. "I just thought I'd meet that sister of yours. It's been what? Almost two month and I haven't met her yet. I mean Rogers got to so shouldn't I?"

"Come on." He says grinning and draping an arm over my shoulder. He doesn't take a single glance at me the whole way there, but I watch every move he makes, wishing I could do this every day.


	3. Not Afraid

August 12th, 1935

"Make sure you bring your arm up further to block that hit, you get hit there you go down and it's very unlikely you could recover." My dad says drawing back before delivering the blow. I take the second to catch my breath and then get back to work ducking and weaving in between his half heartened kicks and punches. Training has been the highlight of the summer. This is the last one before I have to start being a little girl again and go back to school. I'd been encouraged by some of father's coworkers to get involved in the SSR. My father had been making his way in unit and now he works near the top. My father took the idea of me joining in stride and has started to prepare me for some of the work they do there, including some self defense and strategy analyzation. 

Summer has been rather boring. I haven't seen Bucky or Steve near as much as I wanted to. We moved as soon as school let out and were gone upstate until yesterday. I missed spending time with the boys on Steve's birthday and missed being home on my own. Being on vacation gave me the opportunity to train harder though. Whenever mom was away I learned how to handle a gun and trained like a soldier. Now I'm touching up on hand to hand combat trying to be quiet enough to not gain the attention of my mother who has been less than thrilled with the idea of following in father's footsteps.

"You can never go into a fight afraid. The fear will over take you and you'll be even more vulnerable." Dad finishes stepping off of our makeshift mat in our basement.

"Who says I'm already vulnerable"

"The world." He says letting his hands drop. 

I roll my eyes. "Again with that dad. I don't care what the world believes or thinks about a woman fighting. I'm good enough to do anything I want." My dad chuckles as I wave him back on the mat.

"I know you are. But If you want to beat this world you'll have to work three times as hard to get anywhere." 

"Stop talking old man, and let's get this show on the road." I take a step back raising my fists to to taunt him forward.

The training session goes on for a few more minutes until my mom calls us for dinner. I sneak up the backstairs and to my room. I slide off my pants and t shirt, and throw on a nicer blouse and skirt. I brush my hair back into a bun and then wipe off the sweat from my face. I check the mirror one last time, presentable. I slip into my flats by the door and then run into the hallway hopping on the banister and sliding down the stairs into the entryway. I hear voices coming from the dining room as I come around the corner. I run right into Bucky's back, crunching my nose against a shoulder blade. 

I immediately move my hand to my nose to see if it cracks and luckily it doesn't. "Woah guys. I didn't know you were coming." I wrap one arm around Bucky as he apologizes, and the other around Steve. I kiss them both on the cheeks and then finally release them. I know that their respective summers have probably been tough. They both had to get jobs to try and help their families. I can tell they are tired by the way their eyes don't shine. They try their best to hide it by smiling but I can see through them. "I just missed you guys so much." I say with a huge grin, hugging them again. I'm so lucky to these two in my life, I don't know how I'd survive without them.


	4. Not A Princess

July 10th, 1936

I open my eyes to the sun flooding into my beautiful room from my floor to ceiling windows. Today is finally the day I turn 16. I sit up quickly thinking about the amazing day ahead. The plans have been in the works for weeks now. I get to spend the whole day with my two best boys. The majority of the activities we have planned are top secret because Bucky refused to tell me. But thanks to Steve leaking some information that I may or may not have pried from him, I do know that Bucky may be asking me out tonight. Finally after a few years of giving him signs and him shyly displaying them back, he'll finally stop dragging his feet. 

Rushing down the stairs of the house, still in my pajamas, I run by my parents room hoping it's not too late to see my father before he leaves again. His absences have become more frequent and longer. Somewhere in the last few years the 'bring your daughter to work days' stopped happening and the secret training that we hid from mother stopped being on the agenda. Dad always believed that I was worth more then what women are expected to be in this world, but he doesn't express such things as often as he used to. I think that's why I enjoy having Steve and Bucky around. They believe in me as like I know my father does. We worked everyday, until unrest in foreign countries started up, that's when it all stopped. I jump down from the fourth stair to the ground and hustle into the kitchen. "Did I miss him?" I ask Mother who's making pancakes.

"He's outside. You can still catch him." Without another word I sprint outside to the front yard and race down the pavement to him and his car. I launch myself onto his back before he can see me coming. 

"Late start this morning Evelyn?" He says with a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. Why didn't you wake me up?" I say turning him away from his car.

"Isn't it one of those special days that you kids celebrate?" He says with a smile. I just stand there waiting for him to continue. He smiles and chuckles, "Happy Birthday princess." he says. He pulls out a gold and blue necklace from his pocket and hands it over. "I got it in Germany last time out. It's such a beautiful country." I admire the beautiful blue and gold, and hold it tightly in my hand.

"Where's your next adventure taking you?" I ask longingly, wishing my life could be as adventurous as his.

"London. Just some regular business."

"How long will you be gone?" I ask, my smile faltering just the tiniest bit.

"Two weeks at most. You know I was thinking that maybe we should keep up with your training when I get back." The smile reappears on my face as he continues. "I want the best for you." He says pulling me into a hug.

"I know." I say, the hug muffling my voice.

Taking a step back from the curb I wave with a goodbye for the millionth time this year and wander back inside. I eat my breakfast with my mother, thinking about the day she finally set foot in America. It's been 6 years now. I open the rest of my presents which don't exactly make me the happiest. Included in them are a few pointless skirts and perfumes. I'm the only one of all my friends that even gets presents anymore. The Great Depression still holds it's icy grasp on the country, but since my father works for the military in such a high position it has hardly affected us. We do as much as we can for Steve and Bucky's family without the boy's actually knowing. We often slip extra money to their mothers just so they can get a little extra. I just wish I could do more.

I hurry upstairs to my room and change from my pajamas into one of my newer plain dresses. I know Steve and Bucky will be dressed in the nicest they have, but I don't want them to feel bad. I pick a good medium for my hair accessories. I let what's left of my rollers fall from my head. They leave their curls that for once look presentable. I contemplate taking off my necklace. Twiddling with it between my fingers I decide to leave it on for my father's sake.

As I'm doing my makeup I hear a knock on the door echo up from the front entrance. I take one more look in the mirror and call it good. When I reach my bedroom door I'm suddenly concerned that maybe I'm not looking as pretty as I'd like. I shake it out of mind knowing that Steve and Bucky won't care one way or another. I grab the money I've saved knowing I shouldn't let the boys pay for it all. I round the hallway to the stairs and stare down at my favorite people in the entire world. They're talking to my mother. I stop a few stairs from the top and take in the moment, life can't always be this perfect. When my mother looks up to me and smiles that's when the boys turn around as well. I personally don't think I look that extraordinary, but both Steve, and Bucky are gaping up at me.

I gape back down at them, they both look older dressed in their best. Bucky and I lock eyes for a moment, but I shake it off. "Would you both please shut your mouths, I'm not Cinderella." I slowly take the stairs down and move to the both of them. In turn I hug Steve and give him a quick peck on the cheek, then I turn to Buck. I smile and bring him into a hug. He holds on a little longer than I expected but when he lets go he doesn't expect a kiss. I shake off the odd nervousness between us. "Alright boys where are we headed?" I say clasping my hands together.

\---Bucky's POV---

It's a rather normal summer morning. I walk along the familiar sidewalk towards Steve's place. I climb the stairs that I've ran up and fallen down more times then I could count and knock on the door. Waiting for the answer my gaze moves to the door next to his. It's hard to believe that it's been so long since we spent our first awkward meeting out here on this balcony. Steve finally comes outside to meet me and we continue on our way. It's costing both our families missing a day of trying to find work, but Evelyn is too important to us to miss her 16th. I know she'll just give our families money anyway. She may think she does it secretly but we both know. I would protest to it but Steve and I both know we could use the help. I only hope I can repay her for everything someday.

Walking down the streets of Brooklyn towards her house we see the familiar sights of New York these days, homeless and hungry. We try to avert eyes as we get closer to Evelyn's home. It's the house she always dreamed of having here, a castle to most people. She's offered both our families housing before insisting the house is to quiet sine her father is often gone, but we have it better than most so we declined the spots.  
"Did you get her anything special?" I ask Steve, wanting to forget the nerves. I feel his accusing gaze on me.

"Do you really think I have the money for that Buck?" Steve says bouncing along, "She's paying for my dinner tonight that's how broke I am." He says with a half hearted laugh.

"Yeah. Sorry I asked. I'm just nervous because I'm afraid she'll think low of us, and because... I don't know."

"Because you want to ask her out?" Steve asks. I'm a little startled that he would insist upon that since I've only brought it up once.

"You know about that?" I ask.

"Of course I know. Trust me you finally asking her out will be present enough."

"Wait what? You told her didn't you?" My mind readies itself for the rejection that it will face later. We've just been so close for so long that I had prepared myself for an awkward encounter if I went ahead with what I planned.

Steve sees right through me and pauses our walk for a moment. "Relax Buck. She feels the same way." I nod and we continue our trek.

We finally reach the front door and I can't stop beaming at the thought of Evelyn feeling the same as I do. Steve knocks on the door and after a couple of moments Evelyn's mother opens it. She smiles and lets us come right in. She asks us if we want any food but I don't get a chance to answer because both her and Steve are looking up the stairs. Looking up I see Evelyn standing on the top landing smiling down at us. She's breathtaking. She's not even wearing her best dress but I don't even care because right now she's as royal as a princess. Our eyes lock for a split second before she speaks. "Would you both please shut your mouths, I'm not Cinderella." She's glowing and she doesn't even know it.

She moves down the stairs like an angel, and folds into Steve for a hug. She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and then turns to me. I pull her into a hug and hold on a little too long. Everyone is staring so I let her go without getting a kiss. 

"Alright boys where are we headed?" She says beaming.

I can't find my words so Steve steps in. "It's still a surprise. She playfully punches his shoulder before pulling us both in for a hug.


	5. Pray It Won't Fade Away

July 10th, 1936

Today has easily been the best day of my life. I spent the entirety of the afternoon with two boys fawning over me. Don't get me wrong I'm not the kind of girl that could possibly love all the attention, but I was happy to spend the day with my two best friends. I couldn't ask for two better guys to know, to grow up with, and to depend on. Even now as we walk up the steps to Steve's flat I'm still grinning from our day of running around this big city and dreaming about what's next for us after all, we're all getting older. I've tried all day to ignore the fact that Bucky has feelings for me. He hasn't made any advances yet an the last thing I want to do is jeopardize our friendship before he's ready to move on in our relationship. 

We finally reach Steve's door and he starts to go inside, but not before he gives me a big hug, and tells me that he had a good time. As the door shuts on his small room, I turn to the darkness of the city and suddenly feel vulnerable. I shiver at the sight of the vast glow. I step up to the railing and look out. Tonight is unusually cold for July. I'm just looking out at the city when I feel something drape across my shoulders. Of course it's Bucky and his suit jacket. I look over at him with a gracious smile.

"You looked cold." He says leaning into my shoulder.

"I was." I say as I wrap it tighter around my shoulders. I can no longer ignore my feelings towards him, not when it's just him and I alone now. We stand in silence for a moment, and then I feel exhaustion hit me. A whole 12 hours of running around the city along with the heat of the summer finally catches up to me. I let my head slip to the side and lay it on Bucky's shoulder. I don't mean this as a move at all, in fact I've done this a million times in the past, after school days or during long walks. He then lays his head on mine and puts an arm around my shoulder. I close my eyes and smile. Everything is perfect. I let out a small laugh and then I feel Bucky's shoulders bounce as he laughs out loud. 

"What?" I say lifting my head, looking over at him.

"What?" He answers back. I Give him a light shove on the shoulder and he laughs again.

"Steve told me everything." I sneak taking a step back teasingly.

"I know. He told me that he did this morning because I was so nervous." He laughs again, letting the nerves between us dissipate. "I mean look how impatient you are about all this, maybe I shouldn't take you out." He shrugs his shoulders carelessly and starts to walk past me teasing me, but I grab his wrist and spin him around.

Our eyes meet and it's as if I'm looking at them for the first time. There's a spark I've never noticed. He takes a step to me, stopping inches away. His right hand caresses my cheek and then rests behind my ear. We're still for one more moment before he finally moves to kiss me. I stand on my toes in order to reach him. I fear I might lose my balance but his other hand has found my back which steadies me. I've never kissed anyone before, but he's gentle with me. When we pull away he just holds me against him, cradling my head against his chest. The whole world fizzles away as we sway together gently.

After a time he speaks up, "Should I walk you home?" We've spent the last few minutes embracing and just holding each other. It all feels so natural, a progressive step in our relationship that just feels right.

I look up at him and nod. I don't want to leave this spot but I know my mother will start to get anxious if I don't return within the hour. I turn away but he doesn't let me go. I stop and look back at him. He grins and looks down at his shoes perhaps embarrassed to be caught holding me back. When he looks up he's quick to come to my side. As we make our way down the stairs together, hand in hand, something clicks within me. No matter what I go through or where I go in life, I will always have him. That's something I'm more certain of now than ever before.


	6. 'Till The End of The Line

November 28th, 1940

The small parade of families dressed in black proceeds across the lawn of the cemetery to the new hole in the ground. A few days ago Steve's mother passed away from pneumonia. She'd been battling it for weeks. We were expecting it, we just didn't know when we would have to say goodbye.

I'd been there when the moment came. Steve and I both were. Bucky had been away at the time. He didn't even know Sara had been sick because Steve insisted we not bother him while he was testing for the army. I was devastated the night Bucky left, my father had left with him. With the war raging on in Europe my father has been busier than ever and Bucky figured he should get trained up before the fight demands it. His hand is in mine now as we meet up with Steve who is looking down at his mother in the ground. Bucky puts his free hand on his shoulder reassuring him of our presence.

I look back at the small group that has formed now. My father still isn't here. Looking forward again I try to shake my father from my mind but he remains. I hadn't seen him in nearly a month now. He has been running throughout the country from base to base checking up on the rise of the American army. He's just doing his job, but I haven't been handling his absence in the best way. Things have been changing so quickly and being able to communicate with him during his busy schedule has been grueling. He said he'd try his damnedest to make it back for the funeral, but I guess his job is too demanding. I clutch onto Bucky's arm as the world comes back into focus.

The procession continues normally. There are lots of tears from Sarah's work friends. Although I didn't know her extremely well, she was always kind to my family and I, after all she was the first friend we made here. I'm too afraid to see what Steve's face looks like so I do my best to stay behind him until everyone has said their goodbyes. People slowly turn away until it's just Bucky, Steve and I left. Bucky and I step away from Steve allowing him to have one final moment alone.

"Was Steve alone when it happened?" Bucky asks. The communication I'd had with him about the night she passed had been brief and not too accurate on account of his strict schedule.

I take a deep breath as the moment floods back into my mind, "No." I take another breath. "I was there too. I knew it was going to be soon and I just couldn't handle the thought of him being alone when it did finally happen..." I cut myself off as Steve meets up with us. I can't read his face. He looks sad, but there is no indication of him ever crying.

I slip my hand out of Bucky's and fling myself at Steve wrapping my arms around his super skinny body that seems to be even smaller than it was earlier. Slowly his arms swing up around me and then I feel Bucky join the hug as well. We are silently standing in our group hug for several moments before we all, one by one ease out of the tangle of our arms.

Crossing the grass we make it to the curb where my mother is waiting for me. She wants me to come with her to a meeting with the administrator of an all girls boarding house. I had protested and exhausted the fact that my only priority on the day was Steve and his well-being but my parents wouldn't have it. High school is almost over and my mother and father want me out in the city on my own. I turn to Steve and Bucky taking my sweet time with the goodbyes, not wanting to leave them. "Are you sure It's okay if I leave?" I ask Steve hoping he'll ask me to stay.

"Yeah. You've done so much already, you should go. Honestly Bucky said he'll be around for another day or so." I knew he'd want me to go. I nod my head.

"Okay." I say, squeezing his hands before hugging him and moving over to Bucky.

"You better stop by before you leave again." Looking up into his eyes I see that the sadness he feels for Steve is still there. I give him a smug grin knowing the possibility of seeing him might be slim. "Just let me know." I stand on my tiptoes giving him a swift peck on his cheek. I take a moment to hug him and then I turn away without another glance, not wanting to feel the pain Steve feels anymore. When I reach the car my mother ushers me inside. When I'm in my seat I bury my face in my hands, ashamed to leave for such a pointless reason.

\---Bucky's POV---

"You know Evelyn wanted to be here." I say just trying to start a conversation. The wind blew all my other efforts away. 

"I couldn't ask her to do anything else. She was there when it happened and the whole next 24 hours after." He shakes his head in shame. "She didn't go to a college interview because of me."

"You know she'd gladly be with you rather then talk to some recruiter. Trust me she loves you too much not to be there for you." Evelyn often puts people in need before herself which is one of the many things I love about her. 

"Yeah I know." He says cracking a small smile.

"You know I'm sorry I couldn't be here until today... I filed in for leave the moment Eve called me." I had exactly 10 minutes to talk. Usually I called home and Rebecca would pick up the phone, but Evelyn answered and I could tell that she had been crying. She told me the basics of what had happened and then we were cut off.

"I'm going to be fine Buck. Mom's next to dad. I've got the both of you looking out for me... I'm going to be just fine." There's a long intake of breath that makes me think the opposite of what he had told me.

"So I'm guessing you know what I was going to ask?"

"I know what you're going to ask Buck because Evelyn already asked it." I smile a little bit. We hadn't discussed that but I'm not surprised she'd already offered a place in her home to him.

"Come on it'll be fun. Rebecca has quite the crush on you, she'd be ecstatic if you lived in the room next door to her." I laugh thinking about some of the things my sister has said about her crush on Steve. "All you'd have to do would be to shine my shoes maybe take out the trash." Noticing his struggles to find his key I kick aside an old brick and stick my hand between the boards and pull the spare from its place. "Come on. It sure beats living in Evelyn's lonely house, even if you do get three four course meals a day."

"Thanks Buck, but I can get by in my own." My smile disappears. He had said it with such a confliction of confidence and sadness that I can't quite discern how to answer.

"The thing is you don't have to." Thinking about everything we've been through and who we are to one another the words come easy. "I'm with ya 'till the end of the line pal. Evelyn's right there for ya too, if I'm not around, but don't expect that to be too often." Steve cracks his little smirk and then unlocks the door. "We're just down the street, you know where to find us." With that I give a little wave, turn on my heel and flood down the stairs.

I walk across the street and turn in the direction of my house. I need to spend time with my sister and parents before I have to get back to training tomorrow in DC. I sigh thinking about all that I have to do before the morning. It seems like time has sped up in the past few months, God I wish it would just slow down for a damn second. 

I put my forearm up against the door of my home when I reach it and bend over slightly. I let all the emotions of the day hit me before I make an attempt to enter. I hadn't been here for Steve when he most needed me and I feel as if I'd abandoned Evelyn. With everything she's going through and with her father gone she doesn't have anyone except her mother. I gently pound my fist on the door and push myself back to a standing position. I straighten up and ready myself to face my family as happily as I can. 

When the door opens I look up. Evelyn has answered the door. "You're here?" I blurt out.

"I left the interview. I just couldn't get through it." She does her best to smile but she refuses to make eye contact. I don't waste anymore time on words. Instead I just pull her to me and bury her in a hug. I breathe her in and let her rest her head on my shoulder. She pulls away and tugs on my hand urging me inside, but I don't budge. She finally makes eye contact. Squinting her eyes at me she knows something beyond the day has me upset. "What's wrong?" She asks. I open my mouth to tell her but my sister has peeked around the hallway wall from the dining room. I smile and call her to me.

Rebecca beams and runs full speed down the hall and into my arms. I lift her up and cradle her. She wraps her arms around me and doesn't let go. I glance over at Eve who gently rests a hand on my shoulder before giving me a small smile and entering the house to join my parents. 

Rebecca squirms from my grasp and runs inside encouraging me to follow. I'm met in the dining room by my mother and father who both embrace me before we sit to have our meal. It's a rather silent evening between the adults, but Becca seems to be unaffected by the dreary mood of the day. She goes on about school and her art and how Evelyn took her shopping last weekend. All things a young girl like her should be excited about.

When our meal is over Becca insists on us listening to the radio. Her favorite broadcast is on this evening and according to her it was the epitome of family time. She drags Eve from her chair and they cross over to the living room. I watch as they settle in front of the radio on the floor. Becca turns the dials until the crackle becomes music. She settle back on her heels and stares up as if she could imagine the band in front of her. "James?" My mother asks, distracting me from the way Evelyn's curls fall over her shoulders down her back.

I turn my head to find that both of my parents are seated waiting to talk to me. Mom reaches across the table and rests a hand on my arm. "We know it's been a rough couple of days..." I look over at my girls sitting on the floor listening intently. "If you wanted to come home..." I whip my attention back to her. My reaction takes her aback for a moment but she continues. "Well if you came home there is a place for you." Realizing she doesn't want to force me home but only to reinforce that this is still where I can always come to get away from everything I cover her hand with my free one. 

"I'm coming home for Christmas, but after that..." I turn to Evelyn once more... "After that I don't know what I'll do."

"It's starting! It's starting!" Becca calls from the floor. She scoots closer to the speaker as the music swells and the voice actors start their bit. I follow my parents from the kitchen, knowing our conversation will continue sometime soon. I reach down a hand to Eve and pull her up from the floor. My parents sit in their chairs to tune in and I pull Eve to the couch. I know she's tired by the way she leans all her weight against me as we sit. She kicks off her shoes and tucks her feet into the crook of a cushion and then lays her head on my lap. I run my fingers through her hair for a few minutes hardly hearing tonight's radio story.

Soon Evelyn reaches up a hand and touches my cheek. I look down at her and see that she is very clearly thinking. "What's wrong my love?" She whispers, frowning out of worry.

I shake my head not wanting to bother her with my troubles. "Ah nothing." I say. She doesn't buy it. She sits up now and insists I tell her. I shake my head. Looking at my family I see that they are well distracted. "Do you think we're wasting time?" I ask suddenly. She shrinks backwards. "I didn't mean it like that." I insist. She breathes a little easier and leans back in. "I mean... I've been gone so long, missed so much... I just feel like I'm wasting our time away..."

"Is that what you fear?" She smiles in relief. "Bucky..." She starts. "We have our whole lives to be together." She caresses my cheek before returning to her original position. I relax a bit, and think rational thoughts.


	7. A Quiet Night

December 31st, 1940

Bucky drags me through the huge crowd and the lights of Times Square in order to get a better view. We hold hands as we jump across the trolley car tracks and find a small hole in the mass of people to stand. Hundreds if not thousands of us have made the trek out to the square tonight to observe the ball dropping ceremony. Years ago Bucky, Steve and I had all witnessed this event with our families but today I share it only with James. Steve stayed in with the Barnes' not wanting to make the long trip and my parents neglected to even step foot out of the house today. To celebrate a new year would be too depressing for them. Over the past months England's role in the war has continuously escalated. Mother is sick with worry and my father is busier than ever. I try to shake the uncertainty by squeezing Bucky's hand tighter.

The crowd is energized and excited, not a single body stands silent. There is singing and drinking and an overall feeling of comradery. Seeing a father in uniform put his young daughter on my shoulders makes me smile. Leaning into Bucky and pointing at the pair he puts and arm around me. He'd come back from training for the holidays and would be soon going back. I hug him a little tighter wanting to savor every single moment. He tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear and then kisses me on the forehead. He hugs me close as the crowd's cheering intensifies.

I look up from my sheltered embrace past the intensely bright billboard for the newest Shirley Temple film which causes me to blink a few times before I can focus on the large metal ball utop its building. The countdown begins and I can't help but beam up a the changing of the year as all the people around me resound in joy.

\---Bucky's POV---

As the countdown starts I find myself focusing on Evelyn rather than the festivities ahead of me. I want to capture this moment: her completely happy, smiling brightly, cheeks red from the cold and the joyfulness of the crowd. With everything happening in the world and America teetering on the edge of the war there is no certainty of peace. Evelyn has been the optimistic one when it comes to war even now she glows in lights of the the square against the darkness of our uncertain future.

Woken from my dark thoughts I'm alerted to the final seconds and Evelyn tugging on me as she pushes forward with the rest of the crowd. Everyone erupts as the echo of one dissipates. Evelyn spins to me with a magical smile, "Happy New Year!" She yells over the thousand onlookers. I pull her to me and we kiss. With one hand on her back and the other behind her head I dip her low. Her gloved hands grab my arms in surprise, but then she laughs when she realizes it was on purpose. When I raise her back up she playfully pushes me away. She laughs again and I capture an absolutely perfect moment. When I don't react she stops laughing. "What?" She asks, her smile faltering.

I step to her not really knowing how to put what I feel into words. I simply pull her to me once again and bring my lips to her. This kiss is slower, sweeter. When she pulls away she's still smiling but I can tell she has questions. "What was that for?" As if she doesn't know.

"I just love you so much." She caresses my cheek and I hold it there for a moment.

"I love you too." She says, looking deep into my eyes. We kiss once more before the tide of the crowd starts to push us towards the bars. We keep our arms locked as we move so we don't get seperated by the sea of people. We walk east until we come to our favorite spot in Manhattan. The music blares from inside and people pour out the door. Looking at each other we both know we still want to go in and spend the rest of the night dancing.

Unlocking our arms I take a step back and give her a little bow. She takes my extended hand without missing a beat and then we push our way inside. We take to the dance floor right away swinging around to the jazz band playing.

The rest of our night is filled with a whole lot of fast pace dancing and laughing with the people we'd come to know. We would never see them again but to share such an evening with other great New Yorkers made the journey from Brooklyn well worth it. Tonight everyone is full of hope and cheer.

As the night goes on and we reach 4 A.M. Evelyn and I finally give in. With our place still swinging we say goodnight to our table mates and reach for our coats. The heat radiating inside keeps us from putting on our garments until we get outside where the bitter cold hits us.

The streets are still rather busy but the overwhelming crowd has gone. We're able to have our own space as we continue east. In all reality we hadn't actually planned on how we would get home, but we knew it would work out. Evelyn yawns next to me. "Don't tell me I'm going to have to carry you home." I say teasingly.

She responds with another yawn. "No promises." We turn the next block and lo and behold a yellow taxi sits at a light. Seeing that quite a few people are still milling around we jog and start calling for the drivers attention. We're successful. He comes to a stop at the curb. I open the door and guide Evelyn inside before ducking my own head in. "Park Slope, 8th Avenue." I say referring to Evelyn's home. Evelyn snuggles up to me and closes her eyes, clearly exhausted. I put one arm around her and lay my cheek against her head for a moment assuring her that it's okay if she falls asleep.

"Quiet night?" I ask sarcastically.

The cabbie laughs, "Can't fill my seats quick enough."

We keep light conversation as we traverse across Manhattan and over the Brooklyn bridge. He asks me about the night and we talk about his family. Just about life. It's rather refreshing to talk to a stranger about things that matter, things that will make the new year worth living. He begins to talk about his wife which causes me to look down at my own lovely girl who fell asleep somewhere near Grand Central Station. She now breathes lightly, her face scrunched against my jacket. "What's your story? Husband Wife?" He asks me a we turn onto Eve's street.

I smile down at her as we come to a stop. "Hopefully someday." I say, truly meaning it. I pull out the money owed and a good tip. "Have a good night." I say. He tips his hat and wishes the same. I open my door and do my best not to wake Evelyn. Gently I remove myself from her side. Once outside I turn back and gently get a grip under her knees and across her back. She stirs briefly. Half asleep she relies on me to help her from her seat. I close the car door gently so as not to startle her. She leans against me heavily as we make our way across the sidewalk and up the stairs. Her eyes are hardly open as she unlocks the front door. Barging our way in I notice a fire still going in the parlor, but the house is quiet.

Fearful that she'll trip up the stairs to her room and wake the entire household I lift her into my arms. She knowingly wraps her arms around my neck and lulls her head onto my chest before she falls back into the rhythm of sleep. I let out a huff of a laugh at the thought of what I must look like carrying her up the stairs. I'm careful to avoid the creaky boards as I make my way up.

I lightly push her door open with my foot when I reach it and duck inside careful to avoid hitting the door frame. I lay her down on her bed gently. I contemplate helping her out of her coat but her room is fairly chilly so I decide against it. Instead I remove her shoes and grab an extra blanket from her window seat and toss it over her. She's already rolled over into her normal sleeping position. I crouch down at her bedside and run a hand through her hair before lightly kissing her on her cheek and turning to leave.

Hurrying down the stairs I'm ready to fly out the door and leave but something in the parlor catches my eye. Stopping for a moment I see Mr. Moore sitting in his large chair staring into the fire. I hadn't noticed him on the way up. His eyes flick over to me before they return to the flame. "Was starting to think you weren't bringing her home this evening." He says taking a sip from his whiskey glass. Thomas and I always got along, unless there was overthinking and drinking involved. I expect tonight both of those things are in play.

"I always do Mr. Moore." I say trying not to incite anything

He swirls his drink again. "There's a war coming James." Evelyn had talked about her parent's struggle with the things happening at home in London many times.

"How long do you think we have?" I asked the question inquiring after war but I can't help but feel there's a part of me that believes it's on behalf of Eve and I as well. My father fought in the first war, millions of people were ripped from loved ones. I need to be prepared for that inevitable fact of war. I don't fear death, but to not have every experience of life with her... That's what scares me.

"Could be weeks, could be a year, but... It's coming." He finally turns to me completely. The red eyes and puffy cheeks tell a heartbreaking story. "We need to be ready... for her sake." He points up and then lets his arm slump back to the arm of his chair.

I swallow and nod. I believe him on every account. There is something in my gut that I can't ignore. I know the war is coming, it's only a matter of when. I look back towards the stairs, it was a matter of how much time I had left with her.

When I look back, Mr. Moore has finally fallen to sleep. Drink still in hand I remove it and set it to the table next to him. I'd grown up around this man, a second father to me, he'd given me every opportunity in the military and in places my own father could not. Now here he sits just as bothered by reality as the rest of us. I turn to go, his words echoing through my head.


	8. It Will Rain

May 23rd, 1941

I twiddle with the necklace around my neck as I look out the front window waiting for our guests. It's been raining all day matching my mood. I don't have bad news to share but it's news nonetheless. I'd been grappling with my decision for a few weeks now but following the growth of the Axis power and their occupation of Yugoslavia I've found my answer. I'm to join up with my father's division within the S.S.R. and he's the only one who knows of it. 

Tonight Bucky and his family as well as Steve will be joining us for a dinner in celebration of Bucky ending his basic training. He would be coming home and I would be leaving. I still wasn't sure if this was the right decision but with the war raging on it's only a matter of time before the United States is dragged in. I want to be ready. 

I know that if I stay here and continue to stare out at the rain I'll worry myself to death so I resort to pacing the living room. It's several minutes before I notice my father standing at the doorway. It gives me a start. "Gosh Dad." I go to sit down again trying to regain composure. "You could've said something."

"You're still planning on telling everyone tonight?" He asks. I look down trying to hide any lie, but I give up.

"I'm not so sure now." I say again fiddling with my necklace. "I feel like it's a private conversation I need to have with Mom and then Bucky and then everyone else." 

"It won't make a difference." 

"Yes it will Dad." I say under my breath. He doesn't get the chance to get another word in because there's a knock at the door. My heart thumps but then I rationalize the situation and realize I don't have to say anything until I am absolutely ready to.

When the knock on the door comes, I smooth my dress. Upon opening it I'm greeted by a smiling Barnes family. My mother meets me at the door to hug Mrs. Barnes and invite them all in, obviously not trusting me to greet our guests to her standards. I'm moved away from the door by the group of people flooding through, but Bucky peels away to stand with me. Steve meets me with a handshake and a hug before the three of us follow the others into the dining room.

The meal begins harmless enough. We swap small talk and funny stories. The respectful nature of the conversation lasts all the way through the appetizers and the main course, but as we start to push away our dishes it takes a turn. 

The conversation turns from the formalities to the inevitable subject of the war. I stop chewing my food and put my fork down trying to figure out how to handle the abrupt change by my father. Bucky notices something's wrong, I can feel his eyes on me. "I'm shipping out for the Pacific... in a few weeks." I look up. A knowledge bomb. I'd known he was going back to work but not that he would be going that far away. He looks at me and I shake my head lightly pleading him not to say anything else.

"Evelyn?" Bucky asks. I don't answer him because my dad does for me.

"Eve's been accepted into the SSR. She's going upstate for her basic training..." The rest of his explanation is a blur. I glance up and see a rather shocked face from James. He looks hurt. I look to my mother who is also shocked and on the verge of tears. I look at little Rebecca and the Barnes parents who look as if they've impeded on a personal matter. Finally I look to Steve who is blank. 

"When were you going to tell us?" The question comes from Bucky. He's made no move to touch me, in fact he's scooted away from me a good distance. At a loss for words I look from my father to my friends and when I can't find the explanation fight or flight takes over. Needing to be free of the bombardment of questions and self abuse I throw my chair back and run quickly from the room. I hear my name called behind me, from whom I don't know. I fly down the hallway and out the front door into the pouring rain. I move quickly down the steps and out onto the street. Just wanting to get away I turn left and sprint. 

By the time I'm at the end of the block I'm soaked through. Logic finds it's way through with the water and I stop running. Catching my breath I turn back around. How on Earth could I go back and present myself in a proper manner? I turn back around and decide that I can't go back yet. I need to decide here and now if I'm going or staying, it was something I should've done the moment I was accepted into the SSR. 

The rain lightens to a sprinkle as I reach 2nd street. My mind and heart are torn in two. I want to stay and I want to go. I sigh. This is getting me nowhere. I think to myself as I come to a main street. I'm not too familiar with the area beyond. I could press on, try to find adventure, or an answer. Looking back the way I came I think about Bucky. They might be worried they might not be, but they don't deserve to be pacing like I was earlier in the day due to my stupid decisions. I look up at the sky and as if on cue God releases the floodgates. Alright I got the message, I say to the universe. I turn back towards my house. 

Stepping forward I hear a crack and then my left ankle buckles. Looking down I see that the heel on my left shoe has broken. You've got to be kidding me. Bracing myself against a lamp post I lean over and take both my shoes off. When I look back up I see Bucky barreling down the other side of the street head on a swivel. My heart leaps. He seemed so upset I didn't think he would follow me. I push myself away from the post and straighten up. It only takes a second for him to notice me. His shoulders drop in relief before he runs out into the street and over to me. He hits me hard with a hug burying himself into my hair. "I'm fine." I say confused by his reaction. He pulls away for a mere moment pushing my wet hair behind my ear. He searches my eyes trying to catch me.

"You didn't come back in... I just thought..." Suddenly ashamed of how I made him worried I rest a hand on his cheek.

"I'm ok. I just needed to think." He embraces me again. "I'm sorry." I say hugging him tighter. "I just couldn't bear to see you upset."

He shakes his head. "I'm not upset." He pulls away from me again. "I won't lie it was a surprise to hear the news from your father, but I'm not angry or upset or anything like that." He pauses briefly and I shiver as a cold droplet of water runs down my back. "We don't have to talk about this now. Let's get you home." He starts to pull me along. I nod trying to differentiate my thoughts and what Bucky is telling me.

I stop and shrug him off of me, "I don't want to go home. I don't want to talk to him. I told him... I told him I wanted to tell you and Steve myself, in my own time."

He looks me up and down contemplating my request. His eyes rest on my bare feet. "You've been out here more than an hour." He approaches me slowly draping his own jacket across my back as an extra layer. "You don't have to talk to him, but let me at least get you home so you can warm up." I don't like it but I let him lead me away for his sake. 

He knows I'm upset and he shows it by pulling me close to him. When we get back to my block the lightning and thunder starts. We jog the rest of the way. When I reach my front door we find it unlocked. I take a deep breath and push it open. Bucky is right at my back when I enter the sitting room. My mother sips her tea next the radio alone. 

When she sees me she gives me a stern look before setting her drink aside and then running over to us blankets in hand. "You had us all worried sick." She says handing them to us. I look around again, there's no one here. "Run along before your father gets back. He'll be furious if he sees you." I hang my head. Who knows where he went... I don't think I care. She turns to Bucky, "I'll call over to your mother and let her know you made it home."

"Thanks Mrs. Moore." Sensing the uneasiness he takes a step into the other room. I follow my mother down the hallway to the phone on our wall. 

"I'm sorry for my behavior." I say, head still downtrodden. "I didn't expect father to display that news so openly with everyone so quickly." She shakes her head and grabs the phone off the wall she pauses before she dials.

"You upset him."

"He upset me too."

"You know the war's been hard on him. He's proud of what you've accomplished and where your career will take you."

"That's the thing mom... I haven't decided whether I want to do it or not. Everything's changing so quickly, I feel like I can't keep up."

She glances down the hallway, "Have you spoken to Bucky about this." I shake my head. She puts the phone back up. "You both go on upstairs get dry and warm, and then you have a nice long talk about you want to do." 

I turn to go. "Where exactly did dad go?" I ask, suddenly fearing for him.

"Went for a few drinks." I start to protest but she holds out her hand. "Mr. Barnes is keeping an eye on him." I relax just a bit. "Get going upstairs now, before it gets too late and you catch a cold.

Without another word I trek back to where I left Bucky. He's standing by the fire. I join him by linking my fingers in his. I kiss his shoulder and whisper, "Can we talk." 

"I think that would be best." He answers bluntly. 

We head upstairs and into my room. I close the door gently behind us. I grab a few towels from my closet and pat down my hair. I hand one to Bucky who shakes his hair free of any extra droplets before drying his face and neck. I sit down on my bed slightly bouncing. With my hands in my lap I try to think of what it is I want to say. "I was going to tell you and Steve... I really was. I just wasn't sure if I was going to do it yet."

"After all this time you finally get your chance and now you're too scared to take it." The comment hurts.

"Scared?" I scoff. "I was thinking about us..." 

He cuts me off by pacing by me back turned. "Were you thinking about us when you sprinted out of here into a thunderstorm."

I stand. "I was thinking about how embarrassed I was. How upset you were."

"Since when do you run from things?" That hurts.

"You've been gone a long time Bucky..." I say back trying to make him feel just as guilty.

"You don't get to spin this on me." He shakes his head in disbelief.

"You didn't let me finish." I step to him, my appearance demanding attention. "You've been gone, my dad's leaving and he expects me to go to. It's just too much change."

"It's war time Eve." He shrugs his shoulder as if I've overlooked that thought.

"I bloody know it is! In case you didn't know London was pretty much flattened this past year by Nazi bombs. That's where I was born... that's not the point." I turn away from him wanting to reign in my emotions. It's not him I'm mad at after all. "The point I'm trying to make is that the war hasn't touched us yet and even though it's bound to at some point I'm not ready to give into all this change yet. I'm afraid that the more time we spend apart now, the more we'll come to regret it later when this war finally comes for us." Bucky listens intently hand on the dresser propping him upright. I can tell he's deep in thought. "I'm sorry." I say burying my face in my hands. I let out a sob, "It's just all happening so fast." I'm immediately comforted by Bucky who's joined me on my bed and pulled me to him. 

I know he's still upset and that I haven't explained everything in the greatest detail but the fact that he's still come to my side, it means the world. "You're right we don't know how long we'll get, but if you don't take this opportunity now you might never get another one. That is something I know you'll regret." I tilt my head up to study his eyes to see if he truly means what he says. I know what he says to be true by the way he's looking right into my eyes. "It's your opportunity and you deserve it."

"They need me in DC by July." I say recalling all the specific information. "They want me trained before winter."

He doesn't answer and I think that he might be rethinking it. "Well that's perfect. You'll be home before Christmas." He holds me a little tighter. The sentiment is kind but it seems too far away at the moment.

"What if war starts while I'm gone and..." I pull away shaking my head.

"We'll deal with that moment if it comes." He says gripping my hands. I study our interlocked fingers contemplating everything he's said. I hold them gently in my lap. 

"You're right." I look up with half a smile. Partially lifting me up he surprises me with a kiss. Recognizing our truce I fall back into him as he wraps his arms around me once again, holding close.


	9. A Date Which Will Live In Infamy

December 7th, 1941

I've been crying for hours and I don't want to stop. 

The news broke earlier this afternoon while I was out for a late lunch with Steve and Bucky. We had gone out after the 11:00 AM service for an afternoon of shopping and time together but everything changed... We were at our favorite diner when the regular scheduled programming on the radio went to static. The news echoed through the diner that had gone silent. When I heard that Pearl had been bombed I almost collapsed on myself. I was able to hold myself together until the announcer mentioned that the Arizona was all but gone under the ocean, that's when I realized there was no hope. I pushed my chair back from the table with a loud scraping noise from my chair. I looked at Steve and Bucky saying, "My dad is stationed there..." They both knew that already, but I wasn't finding any other words. They both stood up with shocked looks on their faces ready to come to my side, but then I remembered that my mother was at home probably hearing this alone. 

"My mother... I need to get home." Bucky reached out for my hand. 

"You don't know that he's gone yet. Keep listening to the radio." I slowly backed away from the both of them. I love them to death but they just don't understand this, well Steve maybe would. The only thought running through my mind was that I needed to get home to my mother. The frustration and nervousness bubbled up in the pit of my stomach knowing that I needed to leave. I ran out the door and onto the street without another word to the boys.

I made it home and found my mother sitting in shock in the kitchen next to our blaring radio. No words were needed to be said. I ran into her arms and she held me while I was crying for at least 30 minutes. Neighbors and friends began to show up then so I found a time to sneak up to my room, where I now lay all cried out sprawled out across my windowsill seat looking out over the barren trees. We should be hearing from the officials in Hawaii soon, whether it would be good news or tragic news I can't be certain. 

I pull my knees up to my chest praying to God that he's alive and well. Mother and I couldn't ever lose him, it would break us. I hear my door creak open. In my peripheral vision I see Bucky enter, but I knew it was going to be him before he even opened the door. "Where's Steve?" I ask as Buck takes a seat.

"Reassuring your mother."

"Oh so that's why you came by, to give us false hope." I can see him shrink back from my harsh tone.

"Evelyn I wish I could, but that's how your mother will deal with this until the news breaks." He grabs my limp hand laying on the cushion. "You...You like to know the plan. I'm here to tell you that either way the news breaks you are going to be okay."

"How can you say that James?" He seems to be taken aback by me using his real name but he continues.

"Because I'm here." He says taking my pale and shaking hand. "You took care of Steve and I since I can remember when it's our turn to help you we'll deliver."

"He was going to make my life mean something." I say finally blurting out what's on my mind

"To hell with college. There are other ways to get where you want to go in life, trust me Evelyn. You're too damn determined not to get what you want out of life. Everything is going to be fi...." a loud cry comes from outside which alerts our eyes from our small space. They must have gotten the news. I stand up gripping Bucky's hand out of all fear I feel. We walk down the stairs and into a quiet living room, some people are crying and the others are holding on to loved ones, my mother is hugging someone, but as soon as she turns I see her face.

No tears, but a peacefulness rests on her. I almost yell out in happiness but realize that the other people here may not have gotten the same news. She sweeps me out into the hallway away from the other women in the living room. I hadn't realized we knew so many families who had husbands, fathers, and brothers stationed in Hawaii, but I suppose it's not impossible. "He's alive?" I ask pleadingly. 

"Yes." Is all she says before she engulfs me in a hug. 

When she releases me I keep my voice down asking about the others. "How many of them lost someone?" Mothers eyes darken a bit.

"Three. A few haven't heard anything yet. Mrs. Conway and I were the only ones so far to receive good news."

Later that day:

Only three of the seven families represented in my living room got good news. The rest left sobbing to one another. Four families in our living room alone lost members. They will never see them again. I've sat and listened to the radio the whole day wanting every detail that I could get about the attack. Surely this will send us spiraling into the war. The clock over the mantel rings as the radio programming for the day ends. I look to the couch to see Steve sleeping. Bucky left an hour ago needing to get back to his family. He persuaded Steve to stay here tonight since he'd otherwise be alone. I lay the blanket I was using on top of him and slowly make my way across the dark entryway and up the stairs.

I find my own door handle after searching in the pitch black and enter. I don't bother to turn on my lights, instead throwing myself across the room and onto my bed. The threat of America's enemies throbs dully in the back of my head. The world is about to go to hell. We're in it now. Tomorrow the whole world will be at war and life will change for all of us.

My mind wanders to Hawaii. I send up a quick prayer for all the men, dead and alive, as well as all the families that were changed today. I also think of my father, and how this will affect his job. I may be employed with him and the SSR in a matter of hours as well depending on what happens and what lie we can cook up to tell mom. Then my thoughts move to my two boys. I think of Steve and Bucky both away at war fighting not just for America, but for the whole of Europe as well. My home hasn't fared well at all. Surely my old friends and family members will be comforted knowing America is coming to their aid.

I drift off to a fitful sleep filled with bombs and bullets. I better get used to it, there won't be any safe nights after this one.


	10. On The Ropes

I link up to Steve as we enter the theater, ignoring the stares of the men we pass by. There aren't many left these days. Some stares are for Steve but the majority are for me and my uniform. 

I've become heavily involved in the SSR over the last couple months, working alongside my father. I rejoin his group and the Doctor in New Jersey tomorrow afternoon to look after some recruits. My father is already overseas working for the SSR in London. I haven't been overseas yet but with the war dragging on longer and longer it will probably be in my cards soon. Those cards have already found their way into Bucky's hand as he gets his orders today.

"Have you heard anything from him yet?" Steve asks looking over at me as if he's sensed my thoughts.

I shake my head. So many old friends are across the oceans fighting to keep our freedom and soon one of them will be Bucky. Steve awkwardly pulls me closer trying to comfort me. Bucky is the last person he has. His parents are gone, and I'm hardly ever around anymore. Without Bucky who knows what will happen to my little Steve. We pick up some cheap popcorn and settle into the middle row of the theater. As previews begin, I flinch as they start to show scenes from Europe. The first one carries on about playing your part in winning the war. As it switches to scenes from the front lines a man sitting in front of us begins to laugh at the scenes above, cursing for the movie to start. I try to ignore it but Steve leans forward. "Hey you want to show some respect?" I rest a hand on Steve's shoulder assuring him that I'm there for him even though I wish he'd just let it be. The man continues to taunt and laugh as it goes on and that's when we both say something.

"Hey you wanna shut up!" I shout to the back of his head. He stands to face us and I do the same. Steve stands as well, his head barely reaching my shoulder. I stare the man down as his buddy stands up beside him. One of them reaches over and grabs Steve by the arm pulling him over the seats. They lug him down to the front and out the emergency doors to an alley. I look around at the audience. Realizing they aren't going to do anything I follow. As soon as the theater doors close behind me the second guy grabs me by the shoulders holding me from reaching Steve. I do my best to kick at him but he's holding me in the correct way, not allowing me any space to move. Steve gets two hard punches to the face before going down. The man goes up and kicks him twice before backing away. The guy holding me loosens his grip to hear what his buddy is going to say so I take the opportunity. I throw my head back hitting his nose, throw an elbow and then push him away as hard as I can into the wall. Steve has stood up using a garbage lid as a shield. I don't waste time in stepping in front of Steve blocking him from the man's view. 

"Eve just move. Bucky would kill me if you got hurt." I hear Steve from behind me.

"Well he needs to learn that I can take care of myself." I say back. It's true. He can barely handle me being out in training camps, how will he handle being so far away from me, not knowing where I am?

"You know I'm not afraid to hit a girl." The guy says pulling himself into a fighting stance.

I scoff, "Yes, and I'm not afraid to get hit by a guy so really neither of us are conquering any fears here today." He takes a swing at me, but I block him. I drive my knee up but he blocks that, and using all his force shoves me to the side. I watch from the ground as he flings Steve down right beside me. We both try to stand, but he puts a foot on top of me pressing me further into the ground. Steve does succeed in getting up though.

"You just don't know when to give up do ya?" He asks moving his boot off my back and stepping to the side.

Steve helps me up. Behind the bully I see the familiar outline of our savior. "Oh Steve here? He can do this all day." The guy pulls back for another punch, but Bucky is right there. He swings him around to face him. With all his beautiful grace he gives him a good one in the face kicking him to the ground. The guy tries to stand but that's when Bucky gives him a swift kick to the ass, pushing him back out onto the street. his henchman follows making sure to avoid Bucky's reach. Buck turns back to us looking at Steve's bloody face and at my completely muddied hair, and uniform.

"Sometimes I think you like to get punched." Bucky directs at Steve.

"He had him on the ropes." I pipe in. Bucky turns his attention over to me.

"And you. When are you going to learn to stay out of trouble." He says pulling a few pebbles from my hair. 

I open my mouth to answer but Steve answers for me. "Probably never." We all smile because we know it's the truth. Looking at Buck now I realize he's in his full uniform and I realize this may be the last time I see him smile like this. 

"So did you get your orders?" I ask trying not to let any fear enter my voice.

Bucky looks down but he smiles as he answers. "107th. SGT James Barnes. I'm shipping out for England first thing in the morning."

At first I'm overjoyed knowing he'll be close to my father, but then I realize he leaves first thing tomorrow. I try to smile and pull him in for a hug. I rest my head on his shoulder, again thinking it may be the last time. When he releases me I tell him my plans. 

"I'm leaving tomorrow too. More training in New Jersey with some new recruits. Seems to be another female officer with me as well." I sigh letting a little tension free. "Steve and I will be over in Europe with you before you know it."

I see Bucky's smile falter a bit. The last thing he wants for either of us is to ship out to the front lines with him, but we're both too stubborn to not think we'll get there. He puts an arm over Steve's shoulders and another around my waist and we proceed onto the streets. "Come on guys it's our last night all together. We should be out."

"Where are we going?" I ask beaming up at him, excited to hear his plans.

"The future." He says and leaves it at that.


	11. The Future is Never Certain

I straighten my uniform jacket as I look in the mirror. Sighing I move to my hair. I run a brush through it and then quickly sweep it up into a bun, but I can't get it quite right so I let it fall back down. I smile when I look myself over in my full body mirror in my uniform. Hopefully Bucky wasn't intending on me dressing up nice because tonight is our last together. No. I know he won't mind, he's proud of me... Isn't he?

Mom calls me downstairs. I leave my room expecting it to be Bucky and Steve to pick me up but instead when I reach the bottom of the stairs my father is there to greet me. I'm taken aback by him. He never visits suddenly. He smiles at me as he scans over my uniform. "Now there's my girl." 

"Hi dad." I say going in for a hug.

"Where are you off too tonight?" He asks as we move to sit in the living room.

"Steve, Buck, and I are going to the Stark expo tonight. It's kinda our last night all together." My dad nods silently. Turning to my mother he addresses her quickly. 

"Dear do you think you could bring me some tea." My mother smiles in her usual way, kisses him on the forehead and then disappears into the kitchen. As soon as she's out of sight my father turns back to me. "You have your orders then?" He asks pointing at my army pin on my blouse.

"Yeah I ship out for basic training in New Jersey tomorrow."

He nods again before leaning in close to me. "How long?"

"I don't know. However long the SSR needs me there." I eye him curiously. "You aren't here just to inquire after my orders are you?" He rests his hands over mine.

"I need to ask you a favor." He says looking up.

I lean in now as well. "Whatever you need."

"I need you to help Professor Erskine in choosing a special soldier..."

"I thought he was in New Jersey... I thought that's why I was..." He cuts me off.

"I can't tell you more right now because I don't know the whole story, but he'll be at the expo tonight. We want you to introduce Bucky to him." I pull my hands away as he continues, "He's got the potential to be what this country needs right now." I assume he's talking about Project Rebirth, but I'd thought it had been scrapped.

I shake my head, "He leaves tomorrow morning..." Dad waves me away with his hand ending the conversation.

"No questions. Barnes is who they want."

"For their experiment?" I ask disgusted.

"Like I said you can't ask questions, you just need to trust me." He says sternly. I sink back in my chair knowing the argument is over. Erskine is a kind person and I'm sure he'll tell me what I need to know. The only problem is finding him without Bucky or Steve noticing I'm gone.

"Fine." I sigh. "What else do you want?"

He's just about to speak, when Mom walks back through the door. "Like I was saying Eve. Peggy Carter will tell you everything you need to know once you get to your quarters." I nod in understanding. I look at my mother who in a few short hours will be alone again, just like all those years ago in England when she was alone. I wish we didn't have to keep certain S.S.R information from her, but it just has to happen that way. 

The doorbell rings making me jump. I quickly hop up to hug my mother goodbye as my father goes to open the door. I slowly walk past him trying to get him to be my loving father again, for him to hug me and tousle my hair like he always used to after training. The war has made him colder now. He says goodbye with a hard stare and a cold stature now. "Don't wait up." I call over my shoulder. My mother just giggles, but my father doesn't move a muscle. I give up on him and meet Steve and Bucky outside. My curls bounce on and off my shoulders as I skip down the steps ahead them.


	12. Just A Whisper

The expo is a world of wonder. As we walk underneath the huge sign that transports us into a new technological world, our eyes are full of wonder. Bucky hasn't let me let go of me on our entire walk over here. He's linked to my left arm so tightly I think I've started to loose the circulation in it. I don't mind in the slightest.

As we near the main event of Howard Stark's demonstration the crowd grows larger and louder. I keep my eye on Steve as we squeeze through the crowd. He'd been going to different recruiting stations throughout the city and tonight there was one he hadn't attempted to lie to yet. With the recruiters looking for test subjects I'm a little on edge. If Steve sneaks away I'll need to reach him before Bucky notices. As the lights lower my eyes brighten up at the sight of Howard. Not the most humble man in the world but he's indeed the most brilliant. He's also been pulled into the SSR, and I've actually had the privilege of speaking to him multiple times. Everyone around me is clapping, and when Bucky sees me gaping up at him he nudges me. I snap myself out of it and smile at him. He pulls me closer to him and lay my head on his shoulder wanting to be by him forever. I try to close my eyes but the excitement of the moment has finally woken me up. I pick my head back up and see that Steve is no longer beside us. He either got separated from us or went up to the recruiting station. I give Bucky's hand a squeeze. "I'll be right back." I whisper in his ear. I pull myself away from him hoping he's not asking too many internal questions.

I push my way through the crowd. Looking up at the recruiting station I take a deep breath and climb the stairs into the small building. To my luck the doctor is inside. I ignore the front desk men calling out to me and walk straight up to him. He hands his assistant a file and turns his attention towards me. "Your father told me you were coming tonight."

"I have questions." I tell him not wanting to give James' name up. The doctor nods his head and then starts down the hallway. I pick up my pace to keep stride with him. "Please." I say tugging on his sleeve stopping him. "I have the perfect person for your experiment... He's a friend. I just want it to be safe." 

"I will decide if he's perfect or not Agent Moore. As for the safety... It will be perfectly fine. Howard Stark and I have been perfecting this project for months now." I breathe out, believing him. "Now who exactly is this perfect candidate of yours."

I take a deep breath as my mind races a million miles a minute trying to remember the details of the file I'd read months ago. I nod my head, sure of my decision. "His name is Steve Rogers. When you find him tonight, and you will... He'll probably be faking his essentials, but he wants it. He just wants to do something... Anything to aid us in the war."

The Doctor laughs, "And this is what your father told you to say? His candidate?" He asks questioning my decision.

I shake my head, "No. Not in the slightest. This was my idea." I say. He looks at me with his kind smile and then takes his papers back.

"I do believe he is here now." He says turning.

I follow his gaze and sure enough I hear Steve's voice. I smile know that he's getting his chance. "Don't tell him it was me." I say straining to hear the conversation going on beyond the curtains.

"I won't tell him a thing." he says going by me and disappearing behind the curtains. The noise from the crowds outside catch up with me and I realize I should be back outside. I walk back out into the crowd and spot James standing near a concession stand. A tad bit of guilt consumes me for a second but when he sees me a huge smile comes across his face. I put on my biggest grin and then hurry over to him. 

"Working?" He asks.

I shrug my shoulders. "I just saw someone I needed to talk to..."

"No worries." He says brushing it off and clasping my hand with a swift motion. "Where's Steve gotten off to?"

"I don't know." I lie. "I'm sure he's found something to interest him." He laughs gently beside me.

"Yeah. You're probably right." Using his free hand he gently tilts my face upward and then we kiss. He starts to move away but I move in closer, wrapping my arms around him.

He starts to move away but I move in closer, wrapping my arms around him  
What a sight we must be. The two of us standing atop the stairs not caring about anything around us, caught in our embrace. "Let's get out of here." Bucky whispers into my ear. More excitement soars through me then the entire night so far.

"What about Steve?" I ask still concerned for him.

"Aww... Steve won't care. I'll see him tomorrow before I head out." I can tell he's a bit saddened by confessing his leaving out loud.

All I can do to comfort him is smile and drag him by the hand through the crowds. Before I know it we're down the block. he stops me outside a building alight with smiling faces and brilliant music. "Okay do you remember that night years ago when you first came to meet my sister?" How could I forget it January 10th 1935. The night I thought I might marry him someday. I was so young then, everything was handed to me.

"Of course I do." I bite my lip shyly. "That was the night I just knew we would be together. I knew I wanted to be with you someday. Anyway..." I tuck my hair behind my ear shyly. "What about it?" He's beaming as he continues.

"Well... I was walking you back late, and you slid on that ice patch and twisted your ankle."

"Yeah I remember. I got to climb on your back and you carried me the last two blocks."

"Yes I did but I also made you a promise."

I laugh remembering what he said. "You said I was so light that I ought to be a dancer, because my partner could toss me about easily."

"Yes." He says slowly. "I promised you I'd take you dancing."

"We've gone dancing before Buck."

We turn another block and into view comes one of our old favorite places. I stop dead in my tracks remembering the night we danced there. It was New Year's day 1940. He extends his arm and leads me across the street. 

The mood is much different than that of the New Year celebration two years ago. There isn't much of a crowd and the band plays a slower song. Nearly everyone inside is our age, the boys are in uniform and the girls in nice dresses just trying to ease the minds of their partner. I'm hesitant to go forward in fear that the mood may become to solemn, but the band picks itself up when we touch the dance floor.

We dance the night away. We dance together to fast songs and slow songs, love songs and war songs. We hardly take a break, wanting to have every last second together. And when we finally collapse from pure exhaustion of it near midnight we agree that the time has come to leave. Bucky's apartment isn't all that far from where we are so we decide to take refuge for our last hours together there.

Nearly 20 minutes after leaving we run up the steps of Bucky's apartment building. Out of breath we finally reach the fourth floor. When we reach his door he pauses. It's not for a few seconds that I realize he's stopped to look at me. I try to share a confident smile with him, but the realization of how much time we have left is dawning on me. A million memories collide in my head as he finally clicks the door open.

I take a seat on the familiar couch as he shuts the door and turns on the radio to a low decibel. He joins me on the coach and lets me rest my head on his lap. Neither of us say a word, clearly caught up in our own pasts and our futures, both in fear. He runs his hands through my now uncurled hair, as I slowly drift off into a sleep. I try to fight the oncoming darkness but no emotion could ever dam the pressure of a much needed sleep.

In the silence I can just hear the radio that is on at just a whisper. Staring up at the ceiling I have a sudden urge to profess everything. "James B. Barnes. I love you." I blurt out as if I'd never admitted it before. It's the first time I fear not saying, the first time... I fear I could lose him.

His hands freeze. "I love you too Evelyn." He says, his voice nearly breaking. With my last bit of energy I spring up and bring my mouth to his. My hands find his hair as his find my back to steady me. A wave of emotion consumes me and I have to pull back before I explode in tears. He freezes when he feels me pull away. 

I rest a palm on his chest and take a deep breath. "You can't leave." I stutter into the dark trying everything to keep the tears from affecting my voice. He wipes the tears from my eyes ending the blurriness. I swear I can see just a glint of water in his own.

He leaves a thumb on my cheek as he answers, "I have to."

"How do I...? How can I?" I take shallow incomplete breaths trying not to sob.

"You will carry on." He says. The tears in his own eyes have gone. I suck up my own tears as my thoughts turn to duty. We all have a job to do and it's become the time for him to do his. I just always thought that his duty to the world would always overlap with mine, but I suppose that's not realistic. He holds the hand that's at his chest and grips it hard. "You'll do something for me while I'm gone?"

I squeeze his hand back. "Anything."

"Take care of Steve while I'm away." I smile trying to hide any indication of a secret. "Obviously your work comes first, but..."

I cut him off, "I'm sure he'll be fine Buck... You have to stop looking at him like he's helpless..."

He nods in understanding, "I just... He's like my brother... He's my little brother."

I ease back just a bit, "Bucky he's my brother too. Nothing can happen to him over here okay. I promise." It hurts to lie, man it hurts, but it's critical.

"But if I don't come back..."

"No!" I say forcefully. "You're coming back. You say you're coming back or I'm gonna sneak on your ship and go over and fight with you." I meant it as a harmless joke, but Bucky's face takes a dark turn.

"Don't scare me like that Eve." Putting hands on both shoulders he demands attention. "Promise me you'll never come over even if your dad needs you. Even if I'm on my deathbed... Promise me you won't come to the front lines."

I push his hands away. "Promise me you'll come home and I'll promise you that I won't come over."

"I promise." He says sincere. I sink back into his lap, relaxed.

"I promise too." My answer comes out in just a whisper. It was a lie. I couldn't promise anything. Deep down I know he can't promise me the things he is either.

Silence overtakes us. With nothing else to say I relax my body. With sleep finally coming to me I snuggle against Bucky and let it take over me. I finally fall asleep with Bucky's hands in my hair and the radio whispering sweet lullabies.


	13. Goodbye

The bed shifts as Bucky gets up. I immediately wake up, not wanting too, but wanting every single second with him. He must have moved me in here last night after I fell asleep. He sits back down and pulls on his socks and his boots. Lastly he pulls on his uniform shirt and jacket, buttoning it up. I lay there staring at him. Studying him. Why does he have to go? Tears silently run down my cheeks as I watch him pull his hat out of its place and puts it on his head. He finally turns to me and when he sees my face his breaks. He jumps back to his place and pulls me into his lap stroking my hair. Millions of girls have had to watch their men go away to war and thousands more will do the same as the war rages on, but for me it's different. He's the only man I've ever loved and the first, beside's my father, to believe that I was worth more then being a housewife.

He cradles me in his arms that are tightly wrapped around me for a few breathless moments before he gets back up to pack the rest of his stuff. When he leaves the room I slip back into my uniform jacket. My hair is a mess, but with a quick brush through with my fingers and a few bobby-pins I make it look passable. I meet Buck in the kitchen for breakfast. We eat with our shoulders touching, but don't say a word. Our whole morning has been silent. We often have days like this where we know each other so well we can go about our business without even alerting the other with words. Today shouldn't be one of those days.

I look over at him as I take my last bite. He's already stolen a glance at me. I fully commit to turning to him. His actions take me by surprise. He scoops me out of my chair one arm under my knees and the other cradling my back and just holds me there. We stare into each others eyes and before I know it my lips are against his and my feet are back on the ground. He keeps pulling me closer until there's nowhere left for me to go. I can feel his protective arms wrapped around my back as my smaller ones wrap around his neck.

I can feel the salt of my tears seeping through again so I pull away not wanting him to notice, but he already has. He laughs as he asks, "You've never cried this much. Why now so sudden?"

I know why. "Because... I love you." Now that I've said it I know it's the cause of the tears. Before he can answer I continue. "Because having to spend one day without you scares the living hell out of me."

"Evelyn." I realize he's trying to pry me away from his shoulder so I let him. "You mean more to me than anything else in the whole world. There is no Nazi on this Earth that can stop me from coming back to you." He gives me a half hearted smile with his boyish charm. I only buy it for a second.

"You don't know that." It slips out. "They all say the same thing. That they'll come back, but sometimes they don't. How can I know that this isn't the last time I'll have the opportunity to hug you, or kiss you or even say I love you..." I frantically step back willing to completely run from it all.

Sensing my oncoming panic he plants both hands on me, calming me instantly. "Because..." he says pulling something from his pocket. "I have a promise to keep... I mean if you say yes." My mind can't comprehend what's going on until he's down on one knee asking me to marry him. "If you say yes it's our promise. I'll come back to you and you'll come back to me. I was going to do this last night, but I could never find the right time." The shock hits me hard, my mouth drops open and my mind spins a million miles a minute. 

I nod my head quickly as the answer comes out in a stampede of sobs. "Y.. Ye..Yes." He takes my hand and puts on the ring. It's absolutely perfect. Not wasting any time my mouth is on his again and he's lifted me up into a twirl. 

\---NEW YORK DOCKS---

I feel like I am walking on air as we move down the sidewalks towards the docks. My right hand is in Bucky's and my left is flashing my new hardware. When we reach the docks Bucky's family is here as is my mother and of course Steve as well. I break off from him as his family surrounds him. As he tries to explain to his little sister one last time why he has to leave I turn my head towards my mom. She is staring at my hand and Steve is smiling.

"I don't want to make it a big deal." I whisper to my mom. "This is a rough time for James' family." My mother nods but Steve begins to smirk. That little... He definitely knew about this. He told me he'd always tell me everything when it came to Bucky and I holding secrets.

"It's Bucky's great grandmother's ring." Steve says stepping forward and taking my hand. I look down at it again and find it to be even more wonderful than before. Steve kisses my hand and I smile.

I get a tap on the shoulder, "Can I steal her for a moment?" I turn around right into Bucky. He dips me down, his arms cradling me close. I hear hoots and whistles around us as he kisses me, but I don't care. When he finally lifts me back up to my feet, I give him one last kiss on the cheek, and let him go take a walk with Steve. I feel a tug on my hand and look down to Bucky's sister. She's studying my ring. I'm nervous that she may not approve, but she calls over her family to see. Mrs. Barnes smiles through her tears, and Mr. Barnes just nods his head. 

I rest my hand on Mrs. Barnes as she studies it. "It was my grandmother's ring. She passed a few years back." She smiles brightly seeming to approve.

"This was his promise to me to come back. He will. He'll come back to all of us." I say keeping my hope bright for my new family.

When Bucky returns with a red-eyed Steve we all say our last goodbyes. He bends low and gives me one last kiss. "I love you." He says. He seems rather awkward suddenly. 

"I love you too." I say reassuringly. He nods once more and then turns into the crowd. I take a sharp breath something about that goodbye wasn't right. "Bucky!" I call into the crowd. I run forward into the large collection of spectators and soldiers. "Bucky!" I call again standing on my toes in order to see him. He's at the base of the gang plank. "Bucky!" I yell once more. His ear perk up and then he's turned back towards me. I raise my hand up in the air so he can see me.

I'm unsure of what to do now. I stop in front of him and we just stare across at each other. As if in complete sync we both close the gap and meet with a kiss. He lifts me up and I kick my feet out behind me, holding tightly to him he rocks me back forth. When he puts me back down he can't bring himself to make eye contact. I turn his head, both hands on his cheeks. I plant one last quick kiss on his lips. I give him a curt nod and then step back as the last of the soldiers start to board. We hold our stare for a few moments longer before he's whisked away. 

I fight against the wave and return to my little party. I grip Steve's hand tight and grip Rebecca's little one. Slowly the giant ship starts to pull away. I can't see Bucky, but I'm sure he can still see me, trying to watch over me seconds longer. As I watch the ship start to sail beyond the horizon I know that I need to find a way over there.


	14. Across The Pond

6 Months Later

The hallway grows dimmer as we hurry deeper into the bunker. Peggy walks in stride next to me and Howard Stark falls in with us as we make our way to the control room. We'd made it in right before the night raids had begun. The whole hall shakes as a shell hits somewhere above us on the surface. I've been in service for 4 months but this is my first night overseas. I'm told we're near Dieppe France where a rather unsuccessful raid is happening. 

I'm confident in my team of Peggy and Howard but I wish Steve was allowed to join us. All three of us tried everything to get him to come, but the higher ups of the SSR agreed with the government that Steve is best served at home... which pisses me off.

When Howard opens the door for us our surroundings come alive. We've left the soldiers and those of the British army and fallen into the bustle of S.S.R. agents. I twist my ring in silence as the nerves of talking to my father consume me. He was so angry at me for sending Steve to Doctor Erskine, but honestly it's better because it worked. Steve is out in the States, safe. James is still alive somewhere over here. 

My mind flashes back to the night we made promises.

"Don't scare me like that Eve. Promise me you'll never come over. Even if your dad needs you. Even if I'm on my deathbed... Promise me you won't come to the front lines." 

His words and my answer echo through my head as my father approaches me. I slam the thoughts down and quickly straighten to salute. Peggy does the same. 

"At ease." He says standing before us. He's not my father anymore, the war has taken every ounce of that life from him. His eyes are hollow and what was once usual cheerfulness is nonexistent. There must be serious shit going down if he'd call Margaret and I from our stations in Jersey. I know Peggy was dying to get out and help because she was overjoyed when she read her dispatch. Sometimes she reminds me too much of Steve. "We're shipping out now. Grab your things." Another bomb explodes overhead as he walks by us leaving us to ask questions. The battle won't make leaving possible until morning, but then again being underground all day hasn't exactly made me prone to what hour it is.

"He's a real charmer isn't he." Peggy exclaims as my father exits the room.

"He used to be..." I whisper.

"You ladies want a drink." I turn my attention to Howard who's already made a little home on one of the tables. 

Pulling out a briefcase he opens it and inside is a whiskey and a few small glasses. I roll my eyes, "You've got to be kidding me Howard." He glances over his shoulder with a signature Stark smirk. 

"I don't want to be stuck in this hell hole all night without a little fun." He pops the top off and pours the three of us drinks. Every bit of logic in me tells me not to break the rules but then another shell shakes the bunker. I step forward and Peggy steps up right behind me. We lift our glasses with a clink and then I down it.

8 Hours Later

The rain that was scheduled to conclude hours ago is still pouring down. I'm exhausted and the weather is not brightening my mood. The day has consisted of an early flight and then a long caravan trip to the new base. I haven't gotten any sleep either thanks to Stark and his shenanigans as well as the rocky fight this morning. 

Now that we are finally somewhat safe we are to get our orders. Peggy and I wait in a tent alone now. Howard split off from us earlier in the day. I'm not quite sure where exactly he's gone, but I've learned not to ask any questions. Hell, I don't even know where I am right now. I scan my surroundings to try and find any clues when the front tent flap opens. My father, and Colonel Phillips enter and once again we stand and salute. My hands twitch as I wait for my mission. I am so hungry to finally do something with my skills that I might yell out if they take much longer to say something.

"Where's Stark?" Phillips asks.

Peggy and I look at each other unsure, but my father cuts in. "Unavailable." He lights a cigarette and pulls a chair out. Colonel Phillips raises his eyebrows clearly annoyed by the answer. 

"To be honest neither of you were our first choice for this..." He throws down a folder in front of Peggy and I. She doesn't reach for it, I can tell she's pissed.

"Why come to us at all. If you don't think us to be capable..." I squeeze my eyes shut. I know she wants the respect, but she also wants the mission.

"Peggy." I say softly. She leans back as I gently touch her arm.

My father waves Phillips forward to take the question. "To be frank Miss Carter we don't have any agents left. They're all on their own missions." He waits for a comment but when he doesn't receive one he continues, "If you don't want to be a part of this then we can send you back to the states." This shuts her up but I know that she's hating it.

I glance over the first paper in the folder. It's a lot about science, and something about Nazi's. There's also a few satellite photos and a picture of... something sinister. "I'll do it." I look up. "Whatever you need, let me do it."

I watch my father's eyes dart to me I ignore him looking right at Colonel Phillips. "I want to do everything in my power to win this war." He leans back and crosses his arms.

"We're outgunned, outmanned... Morale is low. We need a win, and we need it soon or this war is going to spiral out of our control. I need someone to get eyes on our enemy's weapons, record it, maybe get a sample or two."

The daunting nature of this task doesn't take hold of me before I answer. I just want to do something no matter what the cost. "I'll do it. Just tell me exactly what to do and I'll do it. I'm here to serve my country Colonel." At this my father gets up angrily and storms by me. I look over at Peggy who's giving me a sad look. I know she wants to fight too, but she's too smart to know to throw her opportunity on this one. She tested higher than me in nearly every category except for military tactics. I watch her stare out in space for a moment before she gets up. Her hand lingers on my shoulder for a moment before she too exits the tent.

"Why is Officer Moore frustrated with me?" I ask turning from the small opening in the tent. "I've only ever done what he's wanted." I think to when I was very young and he first planted the idea of military in my brain. The night where he broke the news of my recruitment by the S.S.R. to everyone even though I hadn't truly decided yet.

"Because he's your father, and he's scared for you." The Colonel breaks me from my illusion with a statement I can hardly believe.

"All he's ever wanted was for me to be..."

"A soldier?" He taps out his cigarette. "Trust me that's never what he intended for you to become, it's just how the world turned out." 

I think for a moment that it could be true, but everything points away from it. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." I say rubbing my eyes. "Just tell me what the mission is."

Philips motions for me to sit in the chair in front of him. As soon as i'm sitting he calls outside. "Dugan!" A middle aged soldier with a handlebar mustache and glistening blue eyes saunters inside. He stops and salutes at both of us. I wonder why he's still saluting after the Colonel says at ease, but then I remember i'm also a ranking officer.

"At ease." I say a little too quickly. I get to my feet to greet the man.

"First Lieutenant Moore, this is Sergeant Dugan of the 107th. He will be escorting you through the battle tonight..." I perk up at the mention of the 107th. Bucky's in the 107th. He could be here. I could be closer to him than I've been in 6 months. Now all I want is this briefing to be over so I can find him.

"...we move out in a little over an hour so do whatever you need before then. Got it Princess?" Dugan is staring me down. 

"Sure. I'll be ready." I say trying to hold back a grin. Dugan salutes once again on the way out. I spring to my feet and turn away from the Colonel so he can't see me smile. I look down at my ring twisting it.

"You know what James will do if he finds out you're here right?" I turn back to him dropping my hand by my side. My happiness shatters. 

"Yes. I guess I do." The whole mission would be compromised. "Now if you'll excuse me I have a war I need to prepare for." Exiting the tent I keep my eyes sharp on the lookout for Bucky. Luckily I don't see him before I make it to Peggy and I's tent. Peggy is inside already getting my things in order. "You just can't let me be my unorganized self can you?" I ask with a laugh.

She jumps right past the formalities. "Why'd you volunteer for this?" I slam the jacket in my hand onto the cot.

"Look I know you want some action too..." I start taking my jewelry off and putting them in my bag.

"This isn't about that." She steps in between me and my path to the other side of the tent. "We're up against threats that even the S.S.R don't know much about." I roll my eyes. "I mean you saw your father's reaction. He obviously doesn't want you to do this."

"He should've thought about that before he pushed me into this life."

"Last time I checked Eve, we both chose this life for ourselves..." I don't answer her keeping my focus on my packing. "Evelyn this is bigger than anything we trained for..."

I slam my hand down. "Maybe you're right Peggy. Maybe you're right. But maybe I get out of this okay. Maybe I come home with a trophy with everything we need to fight back. We'd never have to go back home to spend the rest of the war running around getting things for people. We could be respected..."

"I don't care. If I lose my best friend for this silly organization who's to say it'll stop there. Once I lose you others will fall after."

"Well... then... I'll just have to come back." The look on Peggy's face wants to break me but I need to get a move on. "Steve's coming 'round with his tour company tomorrow, I'll be back before then." I pull her into a hug. I whisper reassuring her. "I'll be fine. Bucky will be out there with me too, somewhere." Her eyebrows raise in surprise but then she get it. "Oh which reminds me." I pull my ring off my finger. I let it rest in my palm. "I really don't want to lose this." She plucks it from my palm and tucks it away. I get one last glance at the shine as it disappears in a drawer. I slowly close my fist with a deep breath and glance up at the heavens.


	15. Bombs Bursting In Air

The heaviest fire I've encountered thus far have started to rain down on me and my men. The majority of the men I'm with have no idea what my mission entails but they know the S.S.R. usually means something serious. Those that volunteered to help are part of the 107th and with a little persuasion from Dugan they got to work at getting me close enough to see the weapons with my own eyes without getting killed. Of course the mission is the priority, but with hell raining down I can't help but wish Bucky was here by my side. 

Before I can think too much deeper into my personal feelings we're up and running to the next fox hole. My rifle is slung across and two soldiers are on my sides but it's hardly reassuring with the ground shaking at each explosion. Diving forward I skid the last few feet and do a not so graceful roll into the shallow hole. My little entourage joins me seconds later. Looking around briefly I see that a few other men are taking cover here at the moment. Dugan grabs my elbow and pulls me down. Stooping low we go to the opposite ridge where two soldiers peek over the top towards the enemy.

Dugan engages in a conversation with them leaving me to sit against the makeshift dirt wall to collect my thoughts. I look down and realize my hands are shaking. I shake it out and try to catch my breath. I wish I could say that I'm okay and that I would be perfectly capable of doing this mission alone, but I'm truly not. Despite all my intelligence training and time spent observing the best at the S.S.R. the most useful thing right now is my basic training. I went through what each soldier here went through as well as some medical training but nothing could have prepared me for my first real battle. Bullets zoom a few feet overhead and shells explode. Each time I hear their whine I duck my head and pray for it to miss. 

Dugan slides down to meet me. "We're pinned down... We aren't going anywhere forward for a while." I nod in understanding, not wanting to endanger anyone and also grateful to be able to stay in my little organic bunker.

I try my best to rest my eyes, to shut my brain off, but the screams of men and the constant shower of dirt reminds me to stay alert. This goes on for at least an hour until a soldier lands face first in our hole. He'd come from somewhere ahead of us. "We're being overrun." He says, saluting Dugan.

"Time to go princess." Dugan says to me.

"I'm not a princess." I say under my breath. Hoisting myself and my gun back up I ready myself to run. The guys we left down below cover our escape as we sprint across a short distance. A shell explodes close to me as we dive into the next foxhole. My ears ring as I hit the ground hard. Dugan is up before I can even process what happened. Dugan and two other soldiers crouch together. It's dark and my head throbs but as the one in the middle turns around my heart stops.

When he sees me he too stops dead in his tracks. With my ears still ringing I can't make out what he says, but by his expression it's probably not something I wanted to hear anyway. Another explosion brings us back to the present. Now it doesn't matter how or why I'm here, all that matters is survival. 

"There's gotta be at least five more companies out there!" I yell. Moving past Bucky without so much as a touch.

"What about B company? Tell them we need cover!" Bucky falls next to me encouraging our radioman to make a call..

"That might be tough!" The man yells from behind us. Turning I see that the radio is fried.

"Bucky behind you!" Dugan yells. I grab my gun and come to the edge of the foxhole and help cover Dugan and Bucky. Another shell explodes close to us sending me backwards, and knocking off Dugan's hat. 

"MEDICAL!" Bucky screams as a soldier falls into our hole. Bucky slides along the edge to cover us. With some effort I push myself off my back. Sitting up slowly I see the man bleeding out on the floor. I take off my helmet and crawl over to him. 

"Princess what are you doing?" Dugan asks from above. I let the nickname slip this time.

"I was taught some basic medical procedures in training!" I yell, tearing the soldier's shirt away trying to find the bleeding. I suck in a sharp breath when I find that the shrapnel tore it's way through the upper part of his chest. I look up at Bucky briefly, but when I see his frightened eyes I turn back to the man. I have nothing to work with. The bits of shrapnel that are visible have stopped some of the bleeding already. I couldn't pull any of it out now without the proper equipment. I lean over the boy's body. Holding his head steady I look directly in his eyes. "You're going to be fine. We'll get you out of here." I say with a nod. Still kneeling I look around the hole and see a field bag. I grab it and frantically pull out its contents until I luckily come across some gauze pads.

I thank God for the good fortune and then get to work. My hands bloody quickly as I work my way around the wounds that need the most attention. "Evelyn!" Hearing my name I look up. Two men baring the red cross symbol. I move back immediately as they hoist him onto a stretcher. 

"I did what I could." I say to no one in particular as they move in perfect sync.

"Eve come help us cover them." I look from Bucky to the injured and back again.

"Yeah." I say rather haunted. I wipe the blood away as best as I can in the dirt. Bucky pulls me up beside him and I take aim at anything that moves.

"I hate these guys." Dugan says in between shots. Neither Bucky nor I answer him. 

As we continue to shoot, it appears that we may actually be pushing them back, but then there's a bright blue ray of light. My hand freezes on the trigger. Another ray zooms across no man's land and hits its target. The soldier disintegrates right in front of us. We are not winning in the slightest. 

"Well that's new." Dugan says also pulling his hand from the trigger. We watch in horror as they continue to push us back further. We decide we should fall back with the rest as a huge tank rolls into view over a hill. "Follow me, and stay close." Dugan directs at me. He begins to climb out, but he stops when he sees Bucky reaching for my hand. His shoulders slump realizing who he is. "I goddamn knew this shit would happen..." He disappears from my sight in the next moment sprinting for the next safe spot. 

There's still no time for explanations and we both realize that. He immediately grabs my hand and the small of my back steering me back in retreat. Dugan appears from below and screams for us to get down. My mind starts to think, but Bucky's war hardened one drags me to the floor with him. A shard of blue light hits feet from me. I feel Bucky slightly tug at me to stand but then he stops. Looking up I see guns trained on us from all directions.

"Well princess, you wanted to see Hydra. Here they are." I commend Dugan for his spirit in this situation, but I'm too terrified to appreciate the joke. 

At this point soldiers have reached down and separated us. I strain to look over my captor's shoulder to Bucky who is still facing me. "Schauen Sie, was wir hier haben, meine Herren." I turn back forward to see who's spoken. A jackboot thug if I ever saw one. He had spoken in regards to me saying, 'Look what we have here gentlemen.' "Has the great America run out of men to send over that they must now send over their dames to do their work." He says showing his prowess in English as well.

A wave of courage and anger washes over me as I answer. "Diese Dame kann deinen Arsch in alles, was sie will zu treten." (This dame can kick your ass in anything she pleases.) I smile. I'm not sure if any of the soldiers here can understand me and I know for a fact that Bucky can't, but I'm sure that he wouldn't approve my carelessness if he could. The Nazi officer is clearly not amused by my comment. He punches me straight across the face sending me spiraling into stars. I feel myself buckle a bit but my captor still holds me tightly so I don't give way. When he says that I haven't fallen when I look back up at him he draws back for another shot but Bucky sends him flying backward with the strongest punch I've seen him ever deliver somehow getting away from his own bondage. The officer puts his hand up to stop his soldiers from coming after him. Bucky turns to me. He knows his mistake I can see it in his face. He knows he's just upped the danger.

The German officer looks to us and then smirks. "Ich denke, wir haben einen Freiwilligen." (I think we have a volunteer.) The comment is confusing... scary. Soldiers come forward now restraining Bucky and the other allied soldiers who hadn't escaped. They put us into a line and start marching us forward. I struggle to keep my eyes on Bucky as we're shuffled into order but it's impossible as we move forward. I think he's about a dozen men behind me now. I try to breathe as I look forward, preparing myself for what may come.

We've marched for nearly three hours now, but we've finally reached our destination. It's a compound with huge concrete walls as far as the eye can see. As we enter past the gate we march a few feet before I feel someone pulling me out of line. I stumble to the side as a few soldiers pass me. I watch as Bucky passes. He struggles against a guard to keep eye contact with me, but soon he's overpowered and is moved along. Turning back now there's a man with a gun. He's clearly a high ranking official because his uniform is highly decorated.

He lifts the barrel of his gun to my shoulder. "If you want to kill me you'll have to shoot me somewhere else." I say loudly enough to make a scene. More passing soldiers stare at me. The gun barrel pressure slowly moves back. I grin. "What rethinking it?"

I hear a shot and then feel a searing pain like nothing I've ever felt before. I try not to scream but there's no holding in this amount of pain. I slump into the arms of the guard behind me. "You'll regret that." I say. "You've got your new weapons, but so do we. You have no idea what's coming." I say through labored breath feeling rather fatigued.

I hear another shot and then the same fire tears through my upper arm. I'm not sure if I sure if I scream this time, I'm too loopy to have any sense of control. "Bullet wounds heal." I spit at him.

"Yes but those are not regular bullets." My head lulls down so I can see the damage. There's two wide open wounds. I try to glance at the other side to see if they went clean through and neither of them did. There's hardly any blood, which doesn't seem right. I start to worry as I realize that he just might be telling the truth in that I haven't been shot with a standard bullet. Two guards pull me away and start to walk me to one of the closer buildings. With each step I can feel myself growing a little more faint. Once inside I lose my footing. I fully expect to fall to the floor, but the guards at my back grab me and proceed to drag me through hallways. The pain in my shoulder has subsided to a dull numbness, a blissful throb that takes over my mind, sending me into blackness.


	16. Lullaby

\---Bucky's POV---

There are about ten soldiers with me in my cell. Most of them sit with their elbows resting on their knees but not me. I'm waiting to hear or see anything that will suggest that Evelyn is alive. It's been about 20 minutes since we've been locked in here and the men are already getting anxious. No one has even attempted to reassure me and I don't blame them. I think we're all feeling a little hopeless. I pace until the silence of our holding explodes with the sound of the cell block doors creaking open. I fall onto the bars, gripping them tightly, and leaning out slightly so I can see. Two guards enter, dragging Evelyn between them. My throat becomes dry and I am frozen in the moment as they bring her closer and closer. Her left upper arm clearly has two bullet wounds painted across it. I squint as they pass us by. They weren't bullet wounds. I've seen more than my fair share of those and those weren't it. There's hardly any blood and there's no exit wound which any close range shot would be accompanied by. They stop at the cell across the way from mine. They tilt her head up, but she seems to be unconscious because it immediately falls forward again. They open the cell door and carelessly push her inside. The men, led by Dugan, catch her before she hits the ground and slowly lay her on the floor. I grip the bars in front of me waiting for the guards to depart. When they do I watch the cell earnestly. All the men except for one that I don't know the name of clear the way.

The man crouches down to her side and now I see the medical symbol wrapped on his sleeve. I watch him carefully. He shakes his head up at the watching soldiers. She couldn't be dead. I press my head through the bars trying to hear more. "Definitely not bullet wounds." He moves his hand to the holes and gently tugs on the skin. I see her whole body twitch at his touch. "There's clearly something in there... I could maybe get whatever it is she was shot with out of her, but I don't have the tools and she would feel all of it. And if she screams the guards will hear and run back and probably kill her. But on the other hand we don't know what it is and it may easily kill her." The situation runs through my head. Chances are we're all going to die anyway. I see Evelyn begin to stir. I try to get closer to her but it's physically impossible the bars restrict anymore movement forward. 

\---Evelyn's POV---

I wake up to the dull throb of my shoulder and eyes of the whole 107th staring down at me. Remembering what happened I quickly try to sit up then hands are there to help me stand. I so desperately want them to be Bucky's but they aren't. I shake off the stranger's hands and stumble forward to the cell bars. As the initial dizziness passes, an annoying pain screams in my shoulder and down my arm. I look down at it seeing the disgusting black and purple around the wounds. The blood has all but stopped. I wince feeling something shift inside. I hear my name whispered so I look up across the small space to the next cell. Bucky is pressed up against the bars staring at me. I take deep breaths as I try to get out any evidence of being okay. "I'm okay. I think it was just some special tranquilizer to shut me up." I smile to try to mask the truth. I can't pretend that I don't think I'm dying from what he shot into me. I can feel it, but there's nothing to do. Bucky looks at me doubting every word from my mouth. 

The hours drag on and the bleeding finally stops completely. I try my best to get in on the conversations being carried on by my cell mates, but I can't focus on anything. I'm extremely dizzy and my eyes are always across looking at Buck. He continuously looks over at me constantly checking on me. As the men around me finally start to fall asleep I curl up in ball in the corner of the cell. The lights are dim adding to my exhaustion. Who knows if I'll wake up if I drift off. 

I hear Bucky but I can't see him at all. "Evelyn?" He asks.

"I'm awake." I say. My eyes are lightly shut but I am very much aware. 

"Do you think you could do something for all of us?" I try to situate my body to a more comfortable position, but it's no use.

"Yeah." I say trying to keep the growing pain out of my voice. "What do you need?" I'm not sure what he expects of me, but I would do my best.

"Do you think you could sing for us?" He asks. The way he had asked that as if he were just a boy... I felt like I was back home in Brooklyn in 1935. 

I know he can't fully see me but I turn my head to him confused anyway. "What? I don't think I've ever sang in front of you before." I don't think I've sang in front of anyone.

"I don't care. I just want to hear your voice." The pain sharpens again as I try to sit up straight.

"Bucky I don't know..." I say looking down the open corridor for guards.

"Please sing princess." I turn to my left to Dum Dum who is also clearly exhausted.

"Okay but only for you." I say sarcastically with a bit of a smile.

I listen for any sound, but I hear absolutely nothing. If I started to sing would the guards care? Without thinking too much about my punishment, I let out a breath and think of what to sing. The answer comes to me within a few seconds. I lay my head back against the bars and close my eyes.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." I listen to my voice echo down the cell block and when I hear no complaints I continue. "You make me happy when skies are grey..." Slowly but surely other men join in and soon a beautiful yet eerie choir can be heard all through the cell block. My voice becomes fainter as the song continues as does most of my surroundings. "You'll never know dear how much I love you, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." The last line seems to linger in the air longer then the rest as I finally drift off to a painful sleep.


	17. Star Spangled Man With A Plan

\---Steve's POV---

"You were meant for more than this you know." Looking behind me I see Peggy Carter standing there.

"They're a lot more friendly at home." I say recalling the few moths I got to tour the country. Peggy steps down to where I am and sits beside me.

"These men have seen the worst. What you saw was what was left of 107th..." Her face seems sad and frustrated. Looking behind her I look for any sign of Evelyn.

When she sees my confused face she dives right into an apology. "Steve I'm sorry I tried. I really did but there was nothing I could do to stop her, she had orders."

"She went after Bucky." I say under my breath. "Come on!" I say pulling Peggy up and running for the officers tent.

"Well if it isn't the Star-Spangled man with a plan. What is your plan today."

"How could you send Evelyn to the front lines?"

"He didn't send her Steve." I turn right into Mr. Moore. I start to protest but he cuts me off. "She went through all the training of a normal soldier and we needed eyes inside. The SSR needed insight."

"You could've sent me. Instead I'm at home traveling the country? You know my two best friends were out there during that fight, and by my book me not being there is completely wrong. We should send out a rescue team."

"We'd lose more men tan we'd save." I shake my head take a quick glance at the map to see their placement. "She's your own daughter." I say to Thomas on my way to the door. Peggy follows close behind me back into the room.

"What are you going to do? Walk to Austria?" She asks.

"If that's what it takes."

"I can help." I stop throwing stuff into a truck and look over to her. She's dead serious.

\---Evelyn's POV---

The guards toss the lights on and start to bang on all the bars. But it doesn't matter I've been awake for hours just trying not to scream from the pain in my shoulder. I hoist myself up slowly using the bars for leverage as the men around me stir. I can tell I'm sweating and yet I'm freezing cold. Maybe we should try to get whatever they are out of my body. I look down to the wounds. They look the same as yesterday. Maybe I'm just crazy and that's what the drug does. I don't notice until I'm situated that both Bucky and a Hydra officer have been watching me.

"Moving right along." The man says to me in regards to my wounds. "You may go quicker than I thought." He laughs and then moves down the line. Bucky is now on his feet looking over at me.

"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch." He jokes trying to make me feel better. I would be grateful and smile at him but I can't. Fatigue has taken over me I slump against the bars some more. Bucky continues to look over at me even as the officer begins to speak.

"Before you all begin your days work I'd like to take this time to recognize our volunteer for the studies we've been performing. We would conduct these tests on ourselves, however these are very painful experiments and it would be better if we could test on one of you." I can feel all the eyes on me, and I know it's the truth. "No it's not the bitch." He says as he paces by me. I'm too tired to throw any insults back at him. As he makes his way down the aisle I do realize who it's going to be. I start to shake as they stop at Bucky's cell. I try my damnedest to call out to him, but all that comes out is a small squeak. All I can do is reach out my hand as he passes. He grabs it for a quick second as he passes looking me straight in the eyes. I stay strong not wanting to show Hydra any satisfaction. I watch as Bucky walks willingly down the row and watch all his soldiers salute him as he goes. I would if I could.

The guards start to escort the cells out one by one. Dugan and another soldier prop me up as we make our way out. We are moved into a factory and are split into different groups. I suck up my pain and continue my mission. Although I work slowly I get all the information I can from Hydra's weapons. Nothing I've ever seen and nothing I was ever trained to deal with. Who knows how long we've worked when they finally coral us back into the cells. I look for Bucky all along the way to no avail.

I collapse when I'm successfully locked back in my cage. A soldier kneels beside me and holds a cup of water to my mouth. "Where'd you get this?" I ask barely able to hold my head up.

"Saved it from the small lunch we got. I figured you'd need it."

"Thanks." He looks at me sadly and then sits back as the rest of our cell mates enter.

A few more hours go by and nothing happens. The pain in my shoulder has steadily gotten worse but I've also gotten used to it. I do nothing but stare down the hallway willing Bucky to come through the doors.

"You know he's going to be alright. He won't die on ya' Princess. He's too strong for that." I turn my head and give Dugan a small smile.

"He doesn't break promises." I whisper under my breath. I know Dugan has no idea what I'm talking about but it's a reassurance for me.

Hearing a scuffling overhead. We all look up to see a Hydra guard looking face down at us. I'm shocked as I see who has caused this. My face beams when I see Steve.

"Who are you supposed to be?" I hear someone say.

"I'm Captain America." I can't help but smile. Everything is going to be okay now. Steve comes down and unlocks all the cells then hands over the keys when he reaches mine."Still doing stupid things?" He says with a hint of relieved smile.

"Still following orders." I reply. He smiles at me until he sees my shoulder.

"You got shot?" He says panic on his face.

"Yeah but not with regular bullets." Our eyes meet and I can see that he's worried.

"I'm pretty sure Howard is still at the camp he can help." Steve says once again reassuring me. I nod not able to use any more energy.

"Where's Bucky?" At this I look down wondering how I'm gonna break the news to his best friend.

I turn as the man who gave me water earlier speaks for me. "They took him to a lab somewhere. They said they were gonna run painful tests on him, but that was just this morning so he's probably still up there."

Steve nods. "Alright I'll go find him." His voice raises. "The rest of you... You're gonna have to fight your way out. These Hydra guys have the weapons but they have something to lose. So you do what you were trained to do, fight, because we've got nothing to lose!"

The men start to move out. "I'm coming with you Steve." I say struggling into the corridor.

"No you're not." Steve and Dugan say at the same time.

"You could pass out at any time. Whatever they put in you is getting worse you're getting paler and you keep shaking." Dum Dum says. "I'll get Evelyn out of here Cap." Steve nods at him.

Before he runs down the hallway he grabs my face with his hands and stares me in my eyes. "Be. Careful." He says "Bucky will kill me if anything happens to you."

"He would if he's still alive." I say trying to break out of his grasp.

"He's alive." He says simply. He pushes my loose hair out of my face and then lets go. I stare after him until the flag painted on him disappears into the darkness of the cell block.

Dugan now is beside me. I turn my attention towards the exit as the sirens begin to sound. Dugan lets me lean on him as we make our way out of the cell block and into another battle that has already begun.


	18. Escape

I hear the battle going on long before I actually meet it outside. Dugan drags me along as we make our way to a courtyard where our men have taken control and are now using the Hydra weapons as if they are their own. We see Gabe climb into a tank, by looking at Dugan's face once I know he wants to pursue. I reluctantly let him lead me to the safety of the still tank. WIth one arm I manage to pull myself over the treads, up the side and then in. We give Gabe and another soldier a jump when we initially enter, but they relax quickly when Dugan he helps lower me into the cabin. "Neither of you know German do you?" I ask.

"Not a clue. I took the class in college but switched to French." Gabe says.

"Here." I say pointing to the on button. "Anfangen. It means to start." Without hesitation Gabe hits the button and the engine revs. We begin to move slowly but surely through the yard giving supreme back up to many of our soldiers. We mow down any Hydra soldier in our paths.

As the adrenaline starts to wear off I become very dizzy and have to grip on to the ceiling overhead to not fall over. The few men around me notice.

"Looks like we're out of the way of the worst of it..." Mid sentence a huge explosion takes away Gabe's words. We all look at each other wondering what the hell it was. I slowly climb to the hatch as we come to a steady stop outside of Hydra's base. I peer out and see the smoke rising up above the tall gates. The men that made it out are clamoring past the tank and into the small clear area ahead of us. 

"What just happened?" I call out to a passing soldier. 

"The whole base went up!" He yells not bothering to slow down. I open the hatch the whole way and stare hard into the smokey fog. I can't see anything.

"What's going on up there Evelyn?" Finally he's used my real name! I feel validated.

"Apparently the whole base just went up in..." I stare harder into the smoke and see a few more figures hustling through. I stumble and trip out of the tank into the mud just as they run by but none of them are familiar to me. Maybe they already ran through? The tank was awfully slow. I sigh and turn back around right into Dugan. When I turn his face goes a little pale. "What's wrong?" I ask gravely.

"You... You just don't look too good. You're shaking." I take a moment to focus on myself and realize I am indeed ready to collapse. Luckily Dugan is there to let me lean on him. I take one more look over my shoulder before he helps me utop our tank.

We travel in silence for a few minutes until we come across our men. They've all grouped up just off the road in a clearing. By the time we get there, there are already men guarding the perimeter and the munitions and other scraps of supplies are being distributed. I can't help but notice all the weapons we were able to get in this run for freedom. I owe these men a lot now. Hell the damn S.S.R. owes them all.

We roll into the center of the camp and I slide off the tank gingerly. There's already a large discussion of what we should do next however we have no idea where we are. Steve knew... he knows he just needs to make it to us okay. He better have Bucky with him too. Knowing Steve though he'd die before letting Bucky get hurt. Realizing that I'm not in immediate danger anymore I take a seat there on the ground multiple men come by offering me a coat or something warm to drink considering I'm in a tank top and pants but I'm burning up. That's the weird thing about whatever it is that's happening to me. It affects my body in some ways but I don't really notice it until I'm safe, until i'm still. It must mess with my mind and my nerves as well. I glance down again and see it's started to bruise. 

"It looks infected." I look up and see the soldier who was helping me in my cell. He sits beside me. He's managed to grab a field bag. 

"You wouldn't happen to have the cure in there would you?" I ask. He huffs out a laugh. Pulling out cotton and an adhesive he wiggles them in front of me apologetically. I roll my eyes and angle my shoulder towards him so he can do his best to fix me up.

\---Bucky's POV---

We'd barely made it out of that base alive before the whole thing went up in an explosion that rocked me to the core. I'm still not completely sure about what's happening. We kept a jog along the road until we caught the trail of our men... But before that.. before the explosion... I was in a room and they were pumping electricity into me, and then I woke up to Steve, a much bigger Steve than I remember. Then he was carrying me along through a burning base.

I take a breath stopping for a stride to be right on Steve's heels. So I know where I am, but how exactly did I get caught in this situation? My mind is buzzing from the tests they did on me. Wasn't there someone else that got me into this mess? I vaguely remember a face. Not a he it was a girl. I know she's important why can't I remember her? I begin to panic. Who else have I forgotten? I think back to New York, mother, father, sister, Steve, and one other. Steve stops me from continuing right into the open road into wide open space. What's wrong with me?

"Almost there buddy." Steve whispers beside me. "Looks like they're right ahead." We creep back out and Steve holds his hands up. In front of me stands what's left of my men in a perimeter. As soon as they see Steve's red white and blue they lower their guns and run out to escort us into their little camp.

"Where's Evelyn?" Steve asks a soldier from beside me. Evelyn? Should I know that name? A peacefulness over takes me when I hear the name. It's familiar.

We follow the soldier further in, past tanks and other weapons. I march until I'm about 20 feet in front of Dum Dum who is speaking to a person on the ground. Her head turns with a fire I recognize. I can see her face even in the dim light. When I see her eyes light up and I see her smile I know who she is. She's my girl. She's my Evelyn.


	19. I'm Alright

It's getting later. With every passing moment my thoughts become worse and worse. We need to move out soon or we won't make it back to camp without being intercepted by other German soldiers. "Ready to head out?" Dugan asks me reading my mind. I bite my lip and solemnly nod. He lends his hand down to me and I'm about to take it but all of his attention is suddenly transferred to the distance. I whip my head around to see what's going on. A smile immediately takes me over. With all the strength I have left I push myself half up from my spot on the ground and let myself stumble forward. It takes a moment for Bucky to realize it but as soon as he sees me struggling forward he starts to run towards me. I'm about to stumble to the ground out of breath but we've reached each other. I jump into his arms and the momentum swings me around in a full circle before my feet are back on the ground again.

After so long of not being able to hold him, not even touch him, It finally feels like I'm safe. His arms are so tightly wrapped around me that I can barely breath, but I don't care at all. My eyes are closed and my head is on his shoulder. All that matters is that I have him back. He's safe and he's mine again. "Thank god you're alive." I say opening my eyes to see Steve standing behind us a few feet. I owe everything to Steve for getting him out. Bucky loosens his grip on me and I slowly slide backwards so I'm able to look into his eyes. There's something different about them. They look broken. He hasn't said a thing. What went on in there? The time for questions will be when we get back to base. I hide the concern in my eyes.

"Well I wasn't gonna leave you two behind, but it seems like you were both capable of handling everything yourselves." He says with a familiar smirk. His smirk makes me less nervous, and when he dips his head down for a kiss I let my fear slide away. When the men around us start to whistle and hoot at us we release. I look over Bucky's shoulder to Steve who is patiently biding his time.

"And you..." I start stepping towards Steve. I don't get very far though because Bucky won't let go of my hand, which I don't mind. "You're a sight for sore eyes. So glad you could make it Captain."

"My pleasure ma'am, what can I do for you?" I smile.

"First you can give me hug, and then; if you don't mind, show us back to base." He smiles and nods towards me before giving me an awkward hug. Bucky still won't let go of my hand and my other arm is useless so I can't quite devote my attention towards Steve. He steps back and yells out to the remaining soldiers.

"Base is about 15 miles west of here. If we leave now we can get there by morning. I don't know how many Hydra soldiers are behind us but I wouldn't count on them giving us grace if any caught up with us." The soldiers know they can trust Steve now. All around me people are moving in a tornado of new equipment and weapons. Left in the middle are Steve, Bucky and I.

"What about you Eve?" Steve says moving his hand to my shoulder to examine it. I almost forgot about it. I'm still in that numbing throbbing pain, but I'm beginning to grow extremely tired again.

"I'm alright." I say shrugging my shoulder away and into my own hand, that Bucky has finally let go of. "I said some stupid stuff when we were caught, and their leader didn't like that much so he shot me with some sort of... I don't know I just know it wasn't a bullet. But I had a medic wrap it up so I should be good to make it."

"Okay." He nods truly trusting what I've said. "Keep me updated. Howard will look at you when we get back." I give a small smile and nod at him. He turns and walks away to help some others with the injured.

"You are not 'alright'." Bucky says from behind me.

"Yeah and neither are you." I say turning. "I've studied you all my life, when your eyes aren't twinkling I know something's not right." I clench my jaw and stare into his dull eyes.

"Okay I'm not alright. I'll admit it, but you need to tell me the truth too, so we can help each other. You were... I thought you were gonna die. You didn't just get over it like a cold."

I kick the ground really not wanting to talk about it but needing to. "It's been on and off. Usually when my adrenaline goes down it starts to act up. Right now though I'm fine, besides being a little tired."

"That's all?" He says holding my upper arms.

"That's all." I confirm though it's a lie.

Steve reappears from the darkness. "You guys ready to head out? We've got a long walk ahead of us. There's room for both of you in a tank if you don't think you can make the walk."

"Nope I'm walking it." I say. "Give my spot to a soldier who's really hurt." I push past by both my boys and find Dugan in the crowd, not wanting to discuss the subject further. He hands me a gun that I sling across my back.

"Feeling up for this princess? It's a long march..."

"I can handle it." I say. Our caravan starts to move. With each step I can feel my body start to be taken over by the serum once again. I take a deep breath. I won't let it take me this time. I focus all my energy into the next step, and then the next, and the next. I'll finish this if it kills me.


	20. The March

2300 Hours

Our small group of soldiers march slowly in silence. Steve leads us at the front. We have two tanks that are lined with wounded, both towards the back of our little brigade. I march, hand in hand, alongside Bucky. With every passing minute it becomes harder to keep myself composed but I'm determined to make it to the end. Whatever it is that's inside me is definitely taking its toll, but it hasn't beaten me yet. It's also getting hard to mask my struggles, which I've been trying so desperately to do so Bucky won't worry. I try to assess my well being with the next few steps and exhale with the belief that I'm not in immediate danger.

0000 Hours

As the new day comes to be the cold starts to get to everyone, well everyone except for me. Bucky pulls his coat tighter to him, but all I can feel is heat. I can feel myself burning up. It gets to a point where I can't stand to be inside my jacket anymore. I try to take care of it calmly by taking the gun off my shoulder and slipping the jacket off. Bucky's surprised by this. "Are you not cold?" He asks, a cloud forming as he exhales.

My voice is surprisingly shaky as I reply, "I don't know I'm just a little warm..." Before I can step away he reaches out a hand and touches my forehead. I know I've been found out. He pulls it away quickly.

"You need to stop. You're burning to the touch. And you've started to struggle with keeping up for the last few miles." Of course he noticed. He always knows.

I open my mouth to argue, "I'm..." but he shuts me down.

"No you are not alright." I stomp my foot and look up at the night sky trying to find a reason to argue. 

"Okay I'm not alright, but I'll be damned before I ride on that tank and a take a place away from an injured man." We're caught in a stalemate staring across at each other. Soldiers continue to walk by, paying no mind to us. They all part in our wake just wanting to get back.

"Alright then," He says leaning back, turning around, and kneeling down. "hop on." He says motioning to his back.

"Um what?" I ask. Sure I felt ill but but he'd been through hell himself today and not just physically but mentally as well.

"Come on then." He says waving me on. "Trust me I can handle it." I reluctantly nod and climb on. I admit that it makes me feel a bit better to be off my feet but I'd never say that outloud. I remain quiet and wrap my arms lightly around him. He stands up with ease and walks at a quick pace. "You need to know how relieved I was when I walked into camp and saw you sitting there. I might not have looked it but I really was. It was just a long day and I was too tired to really know what was going on." I had barely noticed his behavior at our reunion but I appreciate the conversation. 

"You are the last one who should apologize." I say the guilt starting to fall. "I need to apologize first..." I rest my chin on Bucky's shoulder. Deep down I know I blame myself for what happened to Bucky.

He turns his head and pecks my cheek. "Hey, hey we'll talk about it after we get back and get you better. I just want you to know that I still love you more than anything. You do know that right?" I smile brightly momentarily forgetting all the pain.

"I haven't ever doubted it." I answer sweetly in his ear.

0500 Hours

We're nearing daybreak and frankly I think I'm nearing my limit. I dosed on Bucky's back for an hour or so but the pain in my shoulder became too much. Now I once again am on my feet but this time I'm propped against Bucky. I close my eyes for long stretches trying to keep the pain at bay. We're only about two miles outside base so Steve says. He's still at the front leading us all to the promised land. He stops all of us as we crest the hill. We all have a look as we go down the other side. The sun is starting to illuminate the forest. Even though the land in front of us has been destroyed by the war the natural bones of the rolling hills has not. 

My smile disappears as we start to rek forward once again. Something's wrong, I can just feel it. I feel myself start to give way. "Bucky." I whisper, trying to gain his attention. "I... I feel.." My knees buckle and I start to fall. Bucky catches me before I hit the ground but the damage is already done. Someone, I think it's Bucky, screams for Steve. Faces appear above me as I'm lowered to the ground. I fight to stay awake, but it's not a winning battle. Bucky lifts my head lightly. My vision is blurry but I can still make out his face. My heart pounds in my chest and my whole body shakes. I let out a whimper as the pain starts creeping through my entire being. I feel Bucky squeeze my hand. I know I'm crying and yet I can't feel a thing. 

\---Bucky's POV---

Steve slides to my side as the rest of the soldiers gather. He slows as he looks down on Eve who's passed out. "What the hell happened?" He asks. 

"Medic!" I scream into the circle of men ignoring Steve's question. One appears from the crowd and kneels down beside us. He rests two fingers on her neck. "She... She just collapsed." I say answering Steve's question.

"It has to be from that thing they put inside her." One man calls out from the crowd. I turn to Steve to try to explain in detail what she's been through but the medic interrupts me.

Leaning back he looks perplexed."Usually passing out signifies low blood pressure, but hers is off the charts. Her pulse is too high and she's burning up..." He stops again thinking of what to do. "The first thing we need to do is to wake her up... Captain grab her legs and rest them on your shoulder, they need to be elevated." Steve gets to work and I turn back to Eve easing the pressure on her hand I hold it to my lips gently willing her to open her eyes.

It takes a moment but she finally starts moving again. With a slight moan she opens her eyes. She looks terrified. "It's okay Eve. We're right here." Her eyes dart back and forth she's not relieved at all.

She lets out a small cry. "I can't... I can't..."

"It's okay." I say again with a smile. "You're alright." I turn to Steve who gently puts her legs back down. "We've got you." I choke back my emotions and softly run my fingers through her hair.

"I can't move James." She says with a fear like fire. "I can't move." I'm frozen. All eyes go to the medic who is on his knees across from me. I don't know what to say so I too look to him pleading for help.

"Can you feel anything?" He asks leaning over her. 

There's a pause before she answers. "I can feel..." She seems unsure. "But I can't move anything.

He looks around at all those gathered and then addresses the crowd. "I guess it could be a temporary side effect of the lack of oxygen to the muscles while she was passed out..." He turns to me. "I think it's attacking nerves system." He says in reliance to the drug inside her. "You gotta get her some place. Somewhere that has the meds to fight it." I'd seen helpless medics on the battlefields before. Men who could do nothing, who had to sit and watch men in agony pass away in front of them. They're truly the best of us. I reach across and grip the man's shoulder thanking him for his service.

"How long can she last?" Steve says staring down at Eve.

"It's hard to say. Adrenaline seemed to keep the thing at bay but I don't know what it is inside her. I don't even know how to begin combating it. I give it an hour before her heart rate pushes her over the edge." The man looks down at her resting a cool hand on her good shoulder.

"Okay so we get her back to camp within the hour." I say thinking of all the capabilities. 

"How?" The medic says. "The tanks won't go that quickly, we don't have a vehicle, and no man could carry her that far that quickly." 

"I could." I say immediately. I'm too invested in my fiance to see the reactions of those around me but when I feel Steve's hand on my shoulder I know he doesn't believe I could.

"No Buck. Let me do this. You're not up to your strength." I whip my head around to look at him but he carries on. "I can do this... This is what I was made for." I know he's right, but if anything were to happen on the way, something I couldn't be there for... that would kill me.

"You're right." I say, beaten. I watch as Steve wastes no time. He carefully slides one arm under her knees and another across her back and lifts up. I run my hands through her hair two more times. Looking into her eyes I can see that they are terrified eyes filled with sorrow and fear. I try to ignore the fact that I can't comfort her. It's killing me. "I'll see you in a few hours." I say on the verge of a breakdown. Her lips upturn slightly signalling a smile.

"Promise me?" I hold onto every syllable as I answer. 

"I promise." I haven't ever broken a promise to her, and I don't plan on starting today.

"Bucky we gotta go." Steve says lightly. As soon as I kiss her forehead one more time Steve steps away and takes off, leaving me standing alone.

"Don't worry Barnes, she's a tough son of a bitch. She'll make it." Dugan says coming forward from the ring of soldiers. "She'll make it." 

Ignoring Dugan I take my position at the front of the group "Let's move out men!" I yell into the crowd scattering those around. Focus on getting to Evelyn now. That's all there is. Get back to her. I pick up my gun from the dirt and march forward once more.


	21. Blood Of A Supersoldier

\---Evelyn's POV---

I've done a decent job of keeping myself awake for this journey. My whole body is trembling as Steve continues to run through the last stretch of forest. This rhythm of feet falling has become a pattern and if I wasn't afraid of dying I could easily fall asleep to it. Hopefully me not being able to move has made it easier to carry me all this way. I start to feel him slow down as we enter a familiar space. Around us is American vehicles, and soldiers. Everything is a blur, and there is a buzzing in my ears. I can tell Steve is yelling though because men from all around are starting to crowd us. 

Steve carries me carefully into a tent where he sets me on a stretcher. A masked nurse is waiting above me along with a doctor and Howard Stark. The cloudiness in my head starts to dissipate as Steve kneels down beside me taking my hand. I can hear. Steve tells them about what happened back at the compound. I'm okay, I have to be. I take another look around at the faces and realize that I just might survive. I find Howard's gaze who puts a reassuring hand on my good shoulder. He kneels down beside me and peels away the makeshift bandages. The look on his face screams intrigue.

"She's not an experiment Stark." Steve says upon seeing the same thing as me.

"Steve..." I say cutting him off. He clenches his jaw and doesn't say another word. 

\---Steve's POV---

I watch as Howard's team gets to work. They bring her heart rate down and then help her drift off. "Is that really a good idea... putting her under like that?" Howard has come over to join me for a moment before the surgery.

"It's not the safest thing no, but if we didn't any procedure would be extremely painful... We're keeping a close eye on her Steve don't worry." He takes a sip from his mug. I glance over trying to conclude what it is. His shoulders slump. "It's coffee Steve, have a little faith."

"What are you going to do to her?" I ask trying to get the topic back on track.

"We're gonna open her shoulder and see what the hell those bastards shot her with. Once I know what they did I can come up with something to help her or at least stabilize her long enough to get an antidote." He's quiet a moment as Evelyn finally slips away. "How'd it happen?" He asks. I hear a slight hint of fear in his voice.

"I don't know." I say frustrated. "Bucky was with her when it happened. She just... collapsed." I answer not taking my eyes off of her for a single moment. "I thought she'd dropped dead from the way he reacted. If anything happens to that girl he'd never forgive himself."

"Neither would I." Howard says rather sadly. It was an emotion I'd never seen from him before. It's in this moment that I know I can trust him fully with Eve's well being. "How far would you go to help her?" His question comes off a full minute of quiet reflection from the both of us. It's one that surprises me, but not one with a particularly hard answer.

"I'd do anything." I state planely. I know it's the truth. 

"Good." He says. Turning to the other doctors in the room he starts to bark orders. "Finish up that IV and then I need someone to get to work on that shoulder, take a blood sample so we can see what we're up against. Also someone prep Rogers over here for a minor blood fusion."

"Wait Howard... My blood?" I know we're the same blood type but with all the alterations to my body recently... "What about her father?"

"He's away Steve." Howard calls over his shoulder. "He left after he got word of the infantry's capture. I'll have to see exactly what they put inside her but your blood might be exactly what she needs. I'll keep you updated." He turns back to Evelyn and starts to cut away her shirt. His face is confused as he looks into her wound. Grabbing a set of long tweezers he digs down into her shoulder. He comes back up twice dropping two metallic objects into the steel bowl next to him. He turns back to me an instant later. "Pal. I'm gonna need your blood."

I roll up my sleeve. I start to imagine all the side effects she might go through... What if her body doesn't accept my enhanced blood? She could become half super soldier, but that wouldn't be the end of the world... Or I could save her. As a nurse approaches me I look over at the team surrounding Evelyn and know it's a chance I need to take.

\---Bucky's POV---

The last two miles were pure agony. I have no idea what happened. She may be dead she could be alive. Even now as the camp comes into view I'm anxious. We reach base just as the sun peaks over the tops of the trees and I sprint past the dozen guards standing outside waiting for us. They don't look surprised so Steve must've made it back with Eve one way or another. I start to slow down as I realize how many stares I'm receiving from my own men. I'm a ghost and that doesn't bother me. 

I hear my name being called over the fuss of the soldiers now coming in. My eyes dart from face to face until I see Steve waving me over. From here I can't tell if he's smiling or not but this is it. The moment that could change me forever. Steve is waiting outside a tent straight faced. 

"How is she?" I ask fearing the worst.

"She's gonna be okay." My shoulders instantly relax at the news.

"What... What did you have to do to her?"

"Everything went fine..."

"What did you do?"

"I did what I had to." He cuts right to the subject. "We had to put some of my blood in her. We were careful to put an amount in that wouldn't kill her if she didn't accept it. But she did and we were able to put in a proper amount. There is a small amount of pure adrenaline in my blood that helped her take over the virus they put in her. She was fidgety for a while but she settled down as time went on."

I look down at the ground and wring my hands together. "Is she a super soldier now?" I ask with a slight laugh.

"Howard doesn't think so. He says the ratio he took from blood compared to her full body wouldn't be enough."

"Did Howard ever find out what it was?"

"They found two capsule like things in her shoulder... One completely shattered on impact letting out its contents into her body, but the other one merely cracked. He just left for London a few minutes ago to test the contents."

"Why didn't he take Evelyn with him? He could've kept her safer there."

"He tried... Actually I did too, but she wanted to stay. Seeing that she wasn't going to have a negative reaction to my blood he believed it was okay to leave her here."

I nod and look back up. "Can I go in and see her?"

"Yeah, Yeah." Steve says quickly moving out of the way for me.

I quickly toss back the flap to the recovery tent. There are other soldiers near the door, and other soldiers inside laying down. I'm scanning the room quickly, frantically trying to spot her along the row of beds.

When I finally see her on a cot at the end of the room she's propped up head back against the pillows. Her eyes are closed and her hands are still. She looks clean and her hair is down about her shoulders which are covered with a white sheet. She could be an angel, and angel of war. I slowly head over to her and kneel down beside her. I reach for her hand, but she flinches away when I make contact. I move my hand up to her face and just hold my palm against her cheek. This stirs her and her eyes flutter open. They're the same eyes that I fell in love with years ago. 

"Hi." She says with a smile. This makes me crack a grin as well. With her hand that doesn't have an IV she wraps it around my neck, and pulls me down closer to her. If it weren't for her being hooked up to machines I would've swept her up then and there, but alas I settle for a passionate kiss. She then rests her head on my shoulder. I finally move to sit on the side of her bed and let her rest by my side. She eventually falls asleep after awhile so I hold her for what seems like hours. 

My hand glances down to her hand once again like it has a million times already. Her ring isn't there. It hasn't been there. I noticed the moment I saw her on that battlefield. I run my fingers over her fragile little hand as I imagine it being there. Did she lose it? No she'd never do that. The only reason she'd ever take it off was if it was her decision. I'm still studying her hand when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up to see Steve and and Peggy Carter. I softly put Eve's hand down on the bed and stand up. 

"It's midnight Buck. I thought you might like a break." Steve asks. 

"I don't need one." I know I could use some sleep but after everything I should be here.

"You need to sleep." Steve says.

I pull my shoulder from his grasp. Not annoyed at him but feeling the effects of fatigue. "There'll be time to sleep when I'm dead." Rub my eyes once trying to adjust my tone. "I just need to be by her. After everything that happened... I need to be with her."

He recognizes that I don't mean him any disrespect. "Alright. Well if you change your mind I'd be glad to sit in."

"You've already done enough." I say, truly not meaning anything malicious by it, but Steve looks hurt. He clenches his jaw and turns to leave, leaving Peggy standing and staring at Evelyn.

"Ms. Carter?" I ask partially annoyed and partially curious.

"I just... Came by to see her. I've never seen her quiet before." She uncurls her fingers from her fist and holds out her hand. "She wanted me to keep this safe for her. She gave it to me right before she left." I pluck the ring from her fingers, relieved that she hadn't wanted to take it off. With a deep exhale she turns to walk away.

"Thank you." I say.

"You're welcome." She says simply. 

I turn back to my beautiful fiance and slip the ring back on her finger. Even here she looks like an angel. She'd broken her promise to me but in doing so we'd been reunited. We'd survived and now we have a second chance to live. I won't take it for granted, and I know she won't either.


	22. Apologies

It's been about three days since I've been admitted into the small hospital tent in the camp, but it feels so much longer than that because I've slept a ton. People have trickled in and out to visit and to talk. Steve, Howard, Dugan, and of course Bucky who even now, is standing in the corner observing while Peggy sits beside me. We've been talking about simple things, trying not to discuss my mission in front of Bucky and the other soldiers recovering. There will be time for that when my father flies back in from London. It didn't surprise me when I was told that he flew out as soon as possible, we haven't exactly been getting along lately.

Peggy looks down at my finger and fiddles with my ring, which was magically there when I woke up. I laugh a little. "Thank you." I say. "I heard you were the one who hooked Steve up with a plane ride behind enemy lines." 

"Well I guess you could say that, but he was ready to walk there if necessary. Howard and I gave him a lift of sorts." I look around to Howard who's just arrived back from London. He's flipping through a soldier's chart so call out to him.

"Seems like you've been awfully busy saving people's lives lately Mr. Stark." He turns as if he hadn't noticed me on his way in.

He spreads his arms out wide looking quite humble. "Well what can I say pal... I've got some great partners in crime." He pauses for a second and then continues. "I was wondering if you and Peg would want to come back to London to help me with Steve's new armada of weapons. I've been working on some prototypes..." Peggy looks down at me with a smile. Anything to get out of here, to get back to London. "That is if you can handle it."

"You're the doctor. Do you think I can do it?"

"I don't see why not. You've come along quickly." He says putting a chart away, then he paces over to me. He has that familiar smirk on his face as he steps up to Peggy who is still sitting beside me. I glance over to Bucky who has shifted his weight and looks on uncomfortably. When he sees my gaze on him he looks away. "I know you want to get back up on your feet and you probably want input on what Steve's doing. I know you do." Howard says from my bedside.

"Well you're right about that. Bucky should come with us though." I say keeping my eyes fixed on him.

"Already planned on it." He says reaching a hand down to me I take it graciously.

"Thank you Howard. I owe you a few favors now."

"No you don't." He says with a shake of his head. "I'll be waiting on my jet on the tarmac whenever you guys are ready to fly out." With that he turns and disappears out the flap. I so desperately want to get out of here so I turn my attention to Peggy.

"Peg can you help me stand?"

"Absolutely." She says. I sit up straight and begin to turn my body but then suddenly a rush of sadness and want overcomes me. I look over to Buck.

"And you... Get over here." A light smile crosses his face as he quickly moves around the equipment scattered around my bed. He takes to my left side and Peggy takes my right. With a count of three they lift while I let my bare feet touch the squishy floor. It's cold to the touch and all the sudden weight causes me to wobble, but I've got two sturdy people by my side to hold me upright. I purposely let myself shift to my left against Bucky because I just want to feel near to him. Slowly I feel Peggy let go and James take over. He drapes my arm over his shoulder and basically lifts me up as I start to walk through the tent towards the tent flap. Once outside in the light of day I can see how tired he is. I decide not to say anything on the subject as we follow Peggy through camp towards Peggy and I's quarters.

After a parade through camp we reach our room. I'm nervous for Bucky to see inside, but Peggy has kept it nice and everything is neatly packed where it should be. She's even set out a crisp uniform for me on my cot. Bucky helps me over to my it and gently helps me sit. Before the silence can go on for too long Peggy reluctantly leaves to let us be alone. 

"Buck I'm so sorry..." He cuts me off as he already knows that I'm about to apologize for breaking my promise.

"I honestly don't want an apology Evelyn." He says with a shake of his head. "When I saw you in that foxhole a million emotions ran through my head but anger wasn't one of them. I was afraid more than anything." I gaze into his tired eyes and see the hurt in them.

"I never meant for my being there to impair the battle that was going on... But I was on a mission and it wound up being successful. I mean look at all the stuff we were able to scrounge up and bring back." He doesn't answer just continues to look around the room. I suppose he's done talking. I force myself up from the cot with as little reaction as I can muster even though everything is stiff and sore. By instinct he stands up as well and steadies me.

"If you don't want to talk to me just say so." I say a little too forced. "It won't hurt me if you yell at me about breaking promises and telling lies." I stare at him until he can't avoid talking any longer without leaving.

"I just want to know that you're still my girl. The girl I wanted to marry." His comment takes me aback. 

"Do you really think I've changed that much? That I'm not the girl who gives away winter coats and secretly trains in her basement. I'm still her. I'm just a bit more grown up now. The people around me changed so I couldn't avoid changing either."

"What did it? Who changed?" He asks as if the question had a simple answer.

"The war did. The war changed everyone. It changed my dad, and my mom. Look what it did to Steve. And you, with your sad, tired eyes. What happened to the sparkle?"

"I suppose I could say the same. The war happened and it almost took away my best girl." He's cold and seemingly annoyed.

"Well it didn't. I'm alive and all three of us are finally together again, sure it's not the best of places, but hey..." His hidden smile disappears completely and he stares blankly at me. "What's the matter?" I ask alarmed. Thinking I've pushed him too far I demand an answer.

"I just... Please..." He says burying his exhausted eyes into his hands.

"What?" I say alarmed at his sudden release of emotion. To me he's always been smiling and caring and strong, but now I see his vulnerability.

"I can't keep going on knowing you're hiding things from me. Please, no more secrets, no more lies. Last night all I thought about was you and our last night together in New York. You've never lied to me before, and I don't know it just felt different and scary. Questions ran through my head. So many horrible things that I thought about and then I remembered it's you. My smiling, strong, friendly, Eve."

"There's nothing left to keep from you." He finally gives in and pulls my head against his shoulder just cradling me there waiting for the signal to head out for London.


	23. Bruised Not Broken

Well today was definitely interesting. We all flew into London this morning and all day long Steve got experience the S.S.R first hand, which I think he's enjoying because he's been very proud. He received a new shield and new gear for his new group of soldiers... I turn my head to peak around the an entryway. Yep, he's trying to persuade them into going back out with him. I shake my head and turn back to the bar. Very quickly I feel hands on my shoulders I grin as the person sits down beside me. "Helping Steve rally the troops?" I ask as the bartender sets two beers in front of us. 

"They're all idiots." As he finishes his statement Steve enters the room and has a seat next to Bucky.

"What about you? Are you ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?"

"Hell no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run from a fight... I'm following him." I look at both of them and I see my two favorite boys in the whole world. I see us sitting at our favorite restaurant back home laughing about nothing and talking about nothing worth while. 

I break the fantasy as I notice a soldier sitting by himself in the corner. I look down ashamed at myself. I can't revel in the past. "The outfit though? You're keeping it right?"

Steve smirks at me and then glances at a tour poster "I don't know... it's kinda growing on me." Just as Steve stops talking so does the talking and singing from the other room. I lean back quickly and see that all eyes are on Peggy. She's stunning as usual. Tonight she's wearing a red dress that absolutely makes her the prettiest here tonight. I sit back up into my normal position. I look over at Bucky expecting him to have his eyes on Peg but instead he's looking straight at me.

"What?" He doesn't say anything instead taking my hand and leading me away towards the nearest exit. I gently pull away as he opens the door. "Bucky what is it?" I say taken aback by the sudden move.

"I thought Steve should be able to talk to his lady without us distracting him. I look back at Steve who is completely occupied with Peggy. Their eyes are locked on each other the way I believe Bucky and I look at each other. I slowly turn back to him and nod. He gently takes my hand again and leads me outside. It's chilly but I have a coat this time round. My instinct is to look up at the sky but tonight for whatever reason the Germans have decided to let us live. My hand is entwined with his as we slowly walk across the long wooden patio of the bar.

The only sound is of our breathing and the dulled gathering inside. It's seems as good as time as any to talk. I side step in front of Bucky. "We should talk about what happened." Bucky must've known it was coming because he let's go and looks up at the overhang. 

To my surprise he actually does agree with me. "You're right... But not tonight." I'm disappointing and relieved at the same time. "It's been such a good day. Why mess it up?"

"No you're right." I clasp my hands in front of me and look down at the ground. Before I can make another move Bucky's arms are around me. I wiggle my hands up to his face and study his eyes in the dim light. The spark isn't there but I don't know why I thought it would be there. I stand on my tip toes and wrap my arms around his neck. One arm cradles my back and the other hand goes to my neck. Once again he's strong again, but I still am worried. He wanted to talk. "I just don't want things left unsaid." At this he slowly releases me until his hands are on my shoulders.

"Are you implying about the mission?" I keep my lips tight together letting him read my look. "That I won't come back?"

"I worry."

"No need. I'll have Steve and a small group of men. All of us are going to come back."

"Okay." I turn to leave. He doesn't reach out for me

"Why are you mad?"

I turn back to him, glad the conversation hasn't ended. "I'm not mad. I'm just nervous. We're treading new ground here. I need to know what happened. I need to apologize for breaking my promise and coming here. I need to apologize properly." The fear of everything comes crashing down. The fear of the war and the fear that Bucky is still angry at me for following him into battle.

"Eve. I am not angry with you about any of this... alright? We're back together safe for now. Let's not waste it." I give him a slight nod not buying that he's completely okay with me being here. He puts his arm around me and I instantly melt into him. We go back inside where light greets us. He spots a friend and lets me follow behind him as he takes a drink from the soldiers hand. I have an uneasy feeling about him at the moment. I shouldn't but I do. I don't follow him over to the soldier because he looks like he's having a lot of fun. I cross my arms over my chest and watch him laugh with his buddies.

Maybe he's right, but I can't shake the feeling that the longer we wait to talk about what's happened to us so the harder it will be to open up about it. Bucky still hasn't noticed that I'm not beside him. I'll let him have his fun tonight, he deserves to talk with his friends. I slowly back up making sure he doesn't notice. Turning I run right into Steve who stops me from falling back. "Are you leaving?" He has a smile across his face and a drink in hand.

"Um yeah." I look over my shoulder. Bucky is now surrounded by more men. "I figured he should have some fun." I look back not making eye contact with Steve. His smile vanishes and he sets down his mug that isn't finished yet on the nearest table. 

He waits until I make eye contact then says, "Eve what's wrong? Did you guys have a fight?"

I swallow and shake my head without a word. 

He gives me a strange look but continues. "Well then let me walk you back to base."

"It's two blocks Steve... You're having such a good time... I couldn't ask you to leave."

"No it's alright. I barely know anyone and we've got debriefing early tomorrow so I don't mind."

Still not sure I slip my arm into the crook of Steve's elbow. We exit the bar and head down the steps. Steve doesn't ask any questions, doesn't pry at opening me up about tonight. Instead he just leads the way down the street towards base. It's silent the whole way back. We enter the main building and walk all the way to Peggy and I's room. He leaves me off. With just a little wave he turns to leave. "Wait Steve." I say catching him by the hand. Slowly I wrap my arms around him and give him a hug. "Thank you." I whisper. Blinking back tears I pull back from him. I quickly wipe my eyes dry, but I'm sure he saw them anyway. "I'm worried about him. He's just been a little different towards me. He swears he's not mad at me but I don't know."

I'm not sure Steve knows what to say because he just looks at me. "I'll... talk to him." He says not sure. "It'll be alright." Stepping into the doorway I nod and duck inside. I let out a breath and lean against the closed door with my eyes shut to regain my thoughts. I've never been this confused by him in the past. He's never been closed off towards me. It's probably nothing and he deserves to get his time with his buddies... It shouldn't have been Steve to go out of his way to walk me home either. I miss being around Steve, little Steve. He's still the same dork as before but now the girls are all over him so I have to share him. Why didn't I just get some girlfriends when I was younger and go into nursing. I take another deep breath and know that I wouldn't want my life any other way. I open my eyes to Peggy sitting on her bed reading. She doesn't look round just says hello. I forget to reply as my mind is entirely on someone else.


	24. Agents Carter and Moore

I was up all night drowned in my own thoughts and crazy ideas. I wish things were better, that Bucky and I were okay, but in war nothing goes perfectly. This morning was rough as well. I had reached the briefing early with Peggy to find that they had started early. We were both furious to find this out. No one would take the time to let us in either. My two best friends are in there and I've come to find out that my father is on on it as well. Facing him after he left me doesn't sound like the greatest father daughter reunion but it was bound to happen sometime.

So now we sit and wait outside like criminals waiting to hear our fate from a jury. Peggy is outside with me, but she is much calmer. I suppose it didn't surprise her that they started early without us. I've been pacing back and forth while she calmly waits in the corner. "Aren't you angry about this Peg?" I say stopping in front of her.

"Well it hardly surprises me... Who do you think kept us out of it?"

I sigh. "It was my dad." I don't know it for a fact but it makes the most sense. "Sorry I dragged you in with me. Sometimes I wish he could let go." There's a slight squeak behind me so I turn. The door has been opened. Peggy hops to her feet as a scrawny young man's head peaks around the door. 

"Agent Moore? Agent Carter?" I'm confused so all I can do is stare. They let that random soldier in but not me?

"Yes. That's us? What's wrong?"

"Captain Rogers demands your presence before continuing." I look over at Peggy confused, but she steps forward quickly. I'm taken aback at her quick movement but recover gracefully as I follow behind her. 

"Soldier what's this about?" I ask as he holds the door open for me to enter. We are in a longer hallway now. We begin to walk as he attempts to answer our questions.

"Captain Rogers was against starting without you but the Colonel Phillips and Corporal Moore were adamant about leaving outsiders... outside."

"What changed their minds?" Peggy asks.

"Not for me to say Agent Carter, but it seems the Captain needs some spies."

"But it's a destruction mission..." I say confused..

He looks around the empty hall. "I really can't say." He pushes the door open wider and invites us in. We reach the next set of doors where some guards stand. "Look I don't know what he needs from you exactly but he wanted you two so I listened." The guards put their arms on the door. Looking at Peggy I smirk a little before turning to the doors opening. The eyes of 20+ men are on us. Scanning the faces as I walk into the room I find Bucky and then Steve. Steve stands as we stop in front of him and salute. He dismisses it at once. I can see a small grin forming as he turns to address his men.

"Alright gentlemen obviously we came to a conclusion that these two women are of value to the mission. Two agents who need no introduction from me." Steve extends a hand to two empty seats which we graciously take. I try to avoid eye contact with everyone especially my father and Bucky, but Peg stares them all down until they look away. "Agents Carter and Moore will accompany us to the first base here in Austria." Steve points to a spot on a map that is clearly marked. "We will send them in with a small team while we work to clear the weapons factory and prepare to detonate it. We have gotten intel of a base in the Alps but the exact location is unknown. That..." He turns directly to us. "That is the knowledge you are seeking out, however any information on other sites, weapons, locations, anything that we can use to our advantage you find and bring in. As soon as you're clear we blow the structure and then we meet back up." 

I turn my head to see Peg's face. I can tell there's excitement under her stern look. Turning back to the group I speak for the first time since entering the room. "I think I can speak for both of us in saying that we are willing to do this." I watch my father push back angrily from the table and go over to the far wall to stand. I stare after him but quickly turn my attention back to Steve. 

He's nodding at us as he finishes his briefing. "We're headed out tonight." With that everyone at the table pushes away to leave or to talk. I gently squeeze Peggy's arm and smile before getting up and moving over to my father. "You know we haven't spoken since before I took the first mission." I say as I approach him. He says nothing, instead he lights a cigar and puffs. "I don't understand you. You've trained me my whole life for something like this. You used to support me in everything. Where has the respect gone father?"

"I never wanted this for you." He says taking a puff.

"Too bad, it's the hand we've been dealt." I start to turn away but he grabs my upper arm rather aggressively. 

"I'm sorry I just won't watch my daughter march away on a suicide mission." He takes another puff and then lets go.

I raise my voice causing some to look our way. "What is with you? I went through every level of training the S.S.R. offers... Passed with flying colors. They obviously trusted me enough to give me my position."

"Tell me how this is different from the first time? You almost died."

"But I didn't." I reply snarky. 

He rolls his eyes. "You're not trained for this." 

"You're the one who trained me!" I yell. Somewhere deep down I know that he trained me for a mission like this. "All those years hidden in the basement away from mother's eyes. You taught me how to be a spy, how to fight. Then I went on I went through every level of training the S.S.R. offers... Passed with flying colors and..." He raises his voice next.

"I never taught you to be reckless! To be absent minded about your own actions!" I take a step back. He has never yelled at me with such anger, such disappointment in his voice. He leans in so no one hears his next words "Your actions could have gotten men hurt. I heard what Sergeant Barnes did, who knows what he went through, because of you. The night you gave the S.S.R. Steve instead of James was the first time you disobeyed orders."

"You can't blame the doctor's death on me." I raise my voice again. "That is not on me!"

He leans out again. "I raised you to follow orders and to be loyal to your country. Evelyn what have you become?" Not even letting me retort he begins to walk away. 

I yell after him. "You taught me how to make my own decisions and how to make my own life!" He doesn't say another word as he closes the door behind him. I let out a huge breath and notice that those left in the room are indeed looking at me. I smooth my jacket down and turn back to the table. Bucky is leaning against it. He very calmly makes his way over to me and wraps his arms around me. He strokes his hand over my hair twice them kisses my forehead. Then he kneels down till we're eye level, and puts his hands on each side of my face.

"You're ready for this. This is your choice and your life and by god I know your gonna do great at whatever you choose." He watches as I stare off after my father, scared that he might be right. "It's different this time." He continues. "You'll have backup and communication." I know he doesn't want me to go but he'll support me in anything.

"I'm not afraid if that's what you're implying." I say pulling his hands away from my face.

"Honestly it was more of a reassurance for me." I smile at this.

"I won't get hurt this time. I promise." 

He runs his fingers across my cheek and under my chin and all of a sudden I'm a kid again. He would often do that when I was sad about something. He then stands up and leaves a kiss with a goodbye before meeting up with Steve and leaving the room.

We ship out tonight but I am already as ready as I can be.


	25. In Over Our Heads

The sun has barely started to find its way through the trees this early in the morning. Peggy and I are crouching in the snow waiting for the signal to make us move in on the base. The boys started their attack about an hour ago trying to clear it out for us. It's freezing cold out our breath creates little clouds of warm moisture for moments and then disappears. So far so good. We're in position to get into the grounds quickly and unseen. Peggy is red from the cold even with the heavy coat and scarf wrapped up to her ears. My hair is back leaving my ears exposed to the cold, but I need to hear properly. The radio buzzes to life finally. Peggy and I shift lower into cover as Scott, our radioman answers for us. On the other end is Dugan. "We're in place here. Got the building as clear as we could for ya, but I assume there's more. We need to be up and gone before German reinforcements get here."

Scott hands the receiver to me, "This is Peg and Eve we copy. We'll contact you if we find something."

"This is the Captain, we made a nice clear run for you two. Need any help just holler this line will be open to the whole team."

Peggy grabs the walkie from my hand. "We've got it covered signing off." She turns the dial to silent before tossing it onto her belt. Silence is the key to succeed.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The base has been alive with the sound of the sirens and the fighting outside, but we haven't seen a soul we couldn't avoid. Peggy, our four soldiers and I make our way up and down hallways. We come to a stop at a corner to the sound of voices. She steps behind me to cover me as I duck quickly around the corner and into the cover of a doorway. I'm in a decent sized room of chairs and desks. All around doors leading to smaller rooms branch off. Peaking around I see two heavily armed men speaking to each other while another inside a smaller room frantically tries to cram papers and things into his briefcase. The smaller man inside the room seems to be unarmed. Turning to Peggy I motion or her to throw me something of use. She waits till it's safe then tosses a small silver ball. I roll it over in my hand until find a button. I release the pressure and then roll it out into the room. Two seconds pass then it explodes into a dark smoke. the two men come barreling out of it towards us. 

The first man reaches my doorway and I jump out onto his back bringing my rifle across his neck. He fires his gun sending bullets into the ceiling as he loses balance. In an instance the other man is to us trying to throw me off of his partner. Peggy reveals herself from the doorway as I'm thrown to the ground. She puts the first one down before they see her. The other man raises his handgun and shoots but Rick and Peter catch his arm causing his shot to go off target. Flipping myself up to my feet I do my best to knock his gun out of his hand but his grip is strong. A bullet goes off right beside my head which dazes me for a moment. He pulls the trigger again but the gun clicks. Instead he flips it and brings the butt of the gun across my face causing me to fall to the floor. I kick my leg out bringing him down as well. I scramble on top of him and do my best to pin his arms down with my legs. My hands find his neck and I do my best to stop him from struggling. I can hear Peggy behind me trying to stop me, but he isn't dead yet. Peggy shoves me to the side and ends the man with a shot to the head.

I look up from where I lay. The smoke has settled and the last man stands staring at us hands up. I look over at Peggy who has her gun on him. "I had him." I say as I make it back to my feet."

"They already heard the shots. I didn't want you to have that kill on your hands." Strongly I step up beside her. 

"Uh guys?" Scott says from behind. Turning I see that Rick is laying in a pool of blood. Our other three boys go to reach down for him. He's clearly fading away. I look to Peggy she looks overly sad before turning back to our captive. This all just became very real. 

"Scott... Peter...Take him out of here. Randy with us." I expect an argument for one of them to insist they stay but they don't. Scott comes forward and shakes my hand. "We'll be right behind you."

He looks around at the three of us he's leaving behind. "Be safe." He says before turning and lifting his mate between himself and Peter. I stand tall, again realizing how real this has become. It's scary, but knowing that the people around me truly trust and respect me and my decisions. 

I turn to Rick. Peggy still has her sights on the German but she's listening. "We came here for a reason and we will get it done no matter what I have to do." I then step in front of her gun's barrel to pick my gun up off the floor. All three of us approach the man who's been entirely silent. "Who are you?" I ask him my gun now up as well.

A smile crosses his face. "We've met young fräulein. Honestly I'm surprised to see you alive and walking."

"What do you mean by that?" I say taking a step forward also pulling the hammer back as my shoulder throbs in remembrance.

He just continues to stare at me. "My dear Evelyn Barnes, James Barnes and I got very familiar with each other in those few hours we spent."

"It's Agent Moore actually." I say unwavering from my stance.

"He told me he was married. How has he been? I assume he's been different." I flinch and close the gap. My gun's barrel is right up against him now. I know he's just trying to get to me. I try to push the thoughts and emotions about Bucky far away as I now have the gun to his head.

"You never answered my question. Who are you?" I ask again.

"Evelyn." Peggy's hand is on my shoulder now. "More patrols would have heard our little scuffle. You go search his office. I'll talk to him. We have a mission here." Without a word I shrug her off and sling my rifle across my back. I toss my head in the direction we came from. "Rick, go watch the hall." 

I push the door open to a ransacked office. I start stuffing everything I can find of interest into my own bag. There is lots of information on the different bases even a few coordinates that may lead to the base in the Alps. I peak back out the door. Peggy still has the man at gunpoint her mouth moving asking questions. She could make a great interrogator after the war... If we make it past the war. I turn back to the cluttered paper. On the floor is his briefcase left open. I kneel down and slowly remove the folders one at a time. I flip through the first one and then the second and then the third. Each one is of a man that was captured and tested on. "Peggy," I yell out. "We're taking him with us!" I neatly stuff the folders into my bag and am about to get up but there is one more left. It peaks out under the case. I have a feeling who's it might be. I cautiously open it to the first picture. Sure enough there is a picture of Bucky just like all the rest. He's lying on a table strapped down, eyes shut. Not wanting to read any of it I slam it shut fold it twice and tuck it behind me into my pants. The stiff paper stabs at my back, but this is information the army doesn't need to have on him. Using the desk I hoist myself back up and do a sweep of the surrounding shelves and drawers.

Peggy calls after me, "Eve, got a message from Steve... Did we get what we came for?"

"Yeah." I call back as I let a book drop into its previous place.

"They need us out..." Peggy's voice is cut off with a loud gunshot and then a scream followed by another shot. I jump into action pulling my gun from my back. I nearly hop out of the room but a spray of shots stop me. Falling back hard I gather my wits and then hop across the door frame so I can see what's happened. A small group of soldiers has surrounded the small man and are moving out. Peggy is nowhere in sight. I spy an automatic rifle on the floor and don't think twice. I throw myself out the door as more bullets fish zoom past me. I feel one scrape my arm as I dive onto my stomach and grab the gun. Rolling over towards them I let the bullets fly back and forth. I catch a few and bring them down but many of them escape with the other man. More will be coming. I stand up and desperately survey the room for Peggy hoping she'll peak out of cover somewhere. She doesn't.

"Peg?" I start to move running towards the door I catch an oddity to my left. She's right to the left of where she was before. She's behind an overturned desk. I can now hear slight moaning and heavy breaths as I near her. I drop to my knees and that's when I see the blood seeping through her shirt and her fingers. "Oh my god. Hey Peggy look at me." I push stray hair behind my ears and then focus on her. I place my hands on her face and force her to look up.

"He shot me from behind." She strutters through her surprise. "I turned at the sound but he'd already pulled the trigger."

"We're gonna be okay." I take off my coat and using my knife I cut the inside lining into a long strip. "Just hold that on there. Did it go all the way through?" I ask as I cut away her bloodied coat and shirt. 

"No." She replies. She catches my hands as I bring them to the wound again trying to stop the bleeding. "You got what we needed?" She asks.

Stopping for just a moment I look her in the eyes and nod. "Don't be all poetic and ask me to leave you because that isn't happening."

"I wasn't going to." She says cracking a pained smile. "We need to get moving though. They're going to blow this thing whether we're outside or not."

"Rick?" I ask. She looks down and shakes her head lightly. I slump forward saddened. The sounds of those in the base scrambling helps me return to focus. "Where's the walkie we can call them in. Steve can carry you right out." I say smiling. Her smile fades as her hand tries to pull it from her backside. She succeeds with much pain. I take it from her hand and try three times to get an answer. There is only static. "Well... I guess they're having their own troubles." Peggy tries to scoot forward which causes the wound in her lower right belly to start bleeding faster. I grab her hand and then ease her back. "If we're going to do this alone... I need you to take it slower than this. You can't keep increasing the bleeding every time you move. If this is going to work you're going to need to trust me." Peggy is finally in some light and she already looks paler. She nods anyway. "Alright then." I say getting underneath her left arm. I use all my strength to get her standing then go to work wrapping the strips around her lower abdomen. "If it starts to seep through those layers you need to tell me." She nods again.

I pull my handgun from my holster and plant it in her right hand. "You're gonna need to cover the both of us. There's not a lot of ammo, but we'll make it count." I leave her leaning against the desk I look through the bodies on the floor. I find a German side arm and take it up. There's enough ammo to get a few kills. I turn back to Peggy and drape her left arm over my shoulder. 

"Let's go find our boys." She says struggling. I pray we'll make it. I pray that someone will call out for us or will answer our call. I want to believe that we'll make it on our own I really do. We make our way slowly to the door. Peeking both ways we see not a soul. The alarms are louder out here which causes me to panic. "Don't give up on me now Evelyn." Knowing that Peggy is counting on me, trusting me with her life causes me to take just a little calm. I'm not gonna give up on her as long as she's standing beside me. We turn to the left, past where we came from. I freeze when Rick comes into view. He's been shot straight through the head. He never had a chance. Something in me sinks... I sent him to his death.

"Evelyn... Evelyn. There's nothing we can do for him now."

The words reverberate through my head several times before the alarms finally resurge and dominate the space around me ripping me back to my present.


	26. Sisters of War

"For every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood; but this shall be with burning and fuel of fire." -Isaiah 9:5

I never found myself to be the praying type, but certain times I felt as if I had to. A day like Sunday December 7th, 1941; or the day Steve's mother died, or the day I saw my fiance ship out to war... A day like today.

"Peggy up in the stairway!" I yell as I shoot another Hydra soldier dead inches from me. Yet another gun out of ammo. Peggy hits her mark as more flood into the hallway in front of us. Peggy covers me as I leave her leaning against a door frame. I leap feet first into the man that reaches me first. He stumbles back giving me just enough time to reach the gun in a dead man's hand. I hit the man who stumbled but then the gun clicks. Peggy keeps shooting from behind me giving me enough time to pull out my knife. I'm able to jab one man twice and bring him down before the other men trying to either escape or defend the base in the fight outside overwhelm me. I slash my blade in front of me trying to catch any piece of man ahead of me.

"I'm out!" Peggy yells from behind me. The men realize where the other shots have been coming from and start fire at the doorway again. There are only three men left in the hallway. I run at the largest of the three hoping to give Peggy at least a small chance. He pulls out a gun from behind me as I reach him. I'm able to avoid his first shot by dropping quickly to the floor. I roll to the side as another one hits the floor beside me. I hop up quickly bringing my knife up into his wrist causing him to scream in pain and drop his gun. My knife is lodged in arm. I'm not able to move in time as his other arm swings at head knocking me to the ground. I catch a glimpse of the other two soldiers making it towards Peggy, but just as I think it's over for her I hear two shot and the two men go down. The distraction has cost me. The man has dislodged the knife from his own wrist and has come down on top me. I throw up my hands as he brings the blade down. I feel a searing pain across my left arm and then a more prominent prick on my own wrist. There is nothing I can do as he keeps driving the blade across my arms twice more. He brings the blade up for the final blow but there's another shot and then a warm sticky feeling is across my face. I open my eyes to see the man fallen flat on his back. I twist my head back to see Peggy in the middle of the way still holding the gun up. 

"Now I'm out." She says. I watch her wobble then fall to the side. She leans against the wall for support. I can see the blood soaking through the makeshift bandages even from here. Now that the immediate danger is gone I start to feel the stinging all along my arms. I don't bother to look at them because I know it will cause me to focus on myself rather than Peggy. I stand up slowly. I look around at all the soldiers I killed and then look up at the ceiling thanking God. Surviving this wasn't luck. Making my back I find an automatic that the man in the stairwell dropped when Peg downed him. I sling it across my back and finally reach Peggy. I slowly stand her up off the wall. I take the heavy bag off her back and swing it across mine. She's gotten paler and her pupils are dilated. I've done all I can to keep the bleeding at a minimum. There's nothing left I can do, but get her out. We have 20 minutes at the most before they blow the place. There was an announcement to abandon the base just a few moments before we ran into this last group. I look up from her wound, but she already knows there's nothing to be done. 

"Come on." I say draping her around me. I've had to basically carry her through these last few minutes. We've come across three of these little groups since they announced to clear the place. The automatics took care of most of them and luckily they didn't have any weapon manufacturing at this particular base. Going up against their new guns would've been the end both for us and our boys outside. We know we're almost to the end of all this. We have decided to escape through the small hanger and then escape through the trees hugging the left side of the base. It will bring us close enough to the rendezvous.

We push on into a cell block. I was hoping it would be empty but when I found the files upstairs I figured it wouldn't be the case. It's colder in here than the rest of the place. It's worse than the one I was held in as here there are fewer prisoners that are alive. I feel Peggy shiver and then gasp from beside me. She tries to pull away from me to the nearest cell. "We can't help them Peggy. We can't." I try to push forward but she moves to the side. "Look at them they wouldn't make it even if we tried to unlock them..."

"We're condemning them to death if we walk away." She says breathlessly gripping the bars for support. I join her and look in.

"Peggy..." I look in at the soldiers, not one has moved. I kneel down so I can see them better. "They've all been shot." I look up slowly and see Peggy about to cry. The bodies haven't begun to smell so it must've happened when they called for evacuation. I squeeze my hand through the bar to the closest soldier. Around his neck are his dog tags. "They were American." I look around at the others and see their silver tags glinting around their necks.

"We have to do something for them." Peggy insists from above me. Her bandages are bright red and any color left in her cheeks are gone. I look from her to the soldier. I wrap my hand around his chain and gently pull it off his neck. I hold it up to Peggy. 

"We can do this. We can do this one thing for this one soldier." Peg shakily takes it and then looks back inside the cage. "Peggy we have to go." She nods her head and looks away. Taking a step forward she stumbles. I do my best to catch her but her weights too much, we both fall to the floor. I can't stop. I pull her to her feet. "Don't quit on me now Carter." I try not to look at the bodies of the dead soldiers on the floors of their cells as we limp by but I can't help but imagine the countless families back home who have no idea that their sons, husbands, and brothers are dead. We reach the other side of the cell block and enter another hallway. 

We stop just beyond he doorway to catch our breaths. I'm startled by our walkie suddenly springing to life. I scramble for the thing that Peggy still has tucked away. She takes a sharp breath as she twists to get it. I gently help her sit as I grab it from her hand.

"This the Captain. Lost you there for a while. Can I have a report on your current situation?" I stare down at my arms where the blood from the the thinner scrapes are starting to dry. I then glance down to Peggy who's in a hot sweat gripping onto the side of the wall so not to lose touch on reality.

I take a deep breath before answering. "It's not good Steve." I don't bother using titles because to me it honestly doesn't matter anymore.

A very concerned Steve answers back. "Where are you right now?"

My voice comes out shaky as I answer. "We're nearing the hanger on the west wing."

"Do you have the information?" I feel for the strap around my shoulder, it's there. 

"Yes."

"Scott made it back to us. What's the status on Rick and Margaret?" He asks. 

I pause before answering. "She's here with me. We're not in good shape though... Rick's gone." Pause. "Peggy she..." Pause. "She got shot through her lower right stomach. I've done all I can... It's just... We've been under heavy fire she's had to cover the both of us..." I slide down the wall nearest to me and pray for an answer that will help us.

After a long pause we get a reply. "We can't reach you, but we can hold the blast. Get out and set your beacon. We'll come to you." Looking over at Peggy I know this won't be easy at all, but I need to get her out for Steve's sake... One of us needs to get the information to the SSR.

"I will get her out Steve." I couldn't care less if the rest of the team is listening at this point.

"You'll get yourself out as well." This time it's Bucky's voice. A simple sentence calms me down. "Both of you will make it out. Promise me?" I smile. 

"I promise." We don't break promises anymore. I hoist myself to my feet. "Agents Moore and Carter signing off. See you on the other side boys." I turn the knob to off and tuck it against Bucky's file. 

"Peggy..." I can tell she's struggling to stay conscious now. "I'm going to get you out of here." I bend down putting her arm around me again. This time she slumps against my body. I lure the gun out of her hand into my own left. We'll see if I can use my left like I can with my right. I push into the door with my whole left shoulder causing tremors to go up and down my aching body. 

The freezing wind hits me hard causing me to shiver instantly. The hanger has very high ceilings with Nazi flags swinging at the top. A lone plane sits near the large opening but not a soul is seen. Peggy goes limp on me unexpectedly causing me to lose my balance and go down. Her fever has turned into ice in the sudden turn of climate. I take what's left of coat and drape it over her shoulders. I should carry her, but there is no way I'd be able to without seriously damaging her more than she already is. I check her pulse just to reaffirm it's still there, which luckily it is. The end is in site we just need to make it to the tree line. I focus all my thoughts on Bucky and Steve and how badly I want to see them again. I think about the information I carry and how Peggy and I may be respected by more than just a few. These simple thoughts give me the amount of motivation needed to get back up and proceed. 

One final time I lift Peggy up and put one foot in front of the other. It's slow going but there isn't a soldier in sight. I glance back as we reach the edge of the floor and the concrete tarmac. We've created a path of blood across the shiny floor. At this point I don't know who's it is. I turn to a sharp left and follow the building to the treeline. Looking back once more I can feel the presence of someone somewhere but not before a bullet zooms though my body. I heard it before it slammed into my shoulder knocking me to the ground. There's no time for pain. A sniper in the tree line across the way or from the roof could strike again any moment. I quickly survey the roof and then the trees. I see no movement. I stay low situating myself in front of Peggy who fell along with me. I grab both her wrists and then pull . My shoulder resists with pain, but I bite my lip trying not to scream out. Another bullet whizzes past and hits a tree just beside my head. Another... Another. I keep dragging Peggy deeper into the trees as I begin to see reinforcements show their faces from the other side of the airfield. I fumble for the walkie.

"Blow it now!" I yell into the mic. As soon as the words leave my lips a deep groaning comes from inside the base and then the explosion. I lean over Peggy as much as I can get shielding her from the shrapnel that could rain down from the trees. When the air clears out I pull the walkie from the ground where it lay. I flick on the beacon after trying to make contact to no avail. 

We've moved a little further into the forest as the day has gone on assuring our safety of any surviving Hydra agents. I can tell I've lost a little too much blood now because I'm starting to become light headed and tired. I'm sitting up while Peggy's head is propped up with the bag of papers and information. I've done all I can for her. I removed her bandages and replaced it with the inner lining pf her coat, but she couldn't move for me to wrap it so instead the weight of her hand on the linen keeps the pressure on it. My coat is laid over her trying to keep her temperature normal. 

Now that I know I've done all I can for her I turn my attention to myself. The cuts on my arms have reopened from crawling across the forest floor. I think something in my left hand is sprained or broken, I don't know how or when it happened. My shoulder hurts so badly even though the bullet passed right through. I got lucky any sniper could've killed me or hit me somewhere to stop me... He missed.

I lean back with my automatic across my lap and wait. That's all that can be done... Keep breathing until the boys can reach us.


	27. Rescued

My head lulls to the side as time keeps ticking. Peggy seems stable at the moment since she hasn't moved in an hour or so. My whole body trembles in soreness as I try to bring my legs up to my chest, but I think better of it as I feel the stress on my knees. Peggy stirs next to me so I quickly turn to her. I take a handful of the purest white snow in sight and hold it to her mouth. "We don't have water but you need fluids." She doesn't answer, but she does as she's told. I pull my hand away and flick off the leftover cold moisture into the woods. The cold is finally starting to eat it's way at me, but if Peggy is any bit comfortable it's worth it. I breathe into my hands to warm them just the smallest bit and then rub them together.

My ears perk as I hear a voice from my right. I pick up the radio and try the team. "This is Moore. How far out from us are you?" Nothing but static. I try again. "This is Agent Moore..." Nothing. I'm gonna have a talk with Howard about these radios when I get back. I set the radio beside Peggy. I'm hearing things. I lay my head back against the fallen tree, but the whispering persists. It's not until I'm sure I hear German that I move from my spot. This has roused Peggy as well. I look over to her.

Sensing that I might go out and investigate Peggy insists, "Just stay. The boys have got to be close to us." I'm happy to hear her talking, but the risk of being seen before realizing what threat is out there is not something we can handle right now. I grab her hand and then grab my rifle. "I'll stay close." I squeeze her hand and then turn towards the voices.

Staying low to the ground I force myself over our fallen tree and into the foilage. I count to three before sprinting a dozen feet to a larger tree where the German voices have become a lot clearer. I gaze around the tree and immediately see three soldiers milling towards us. Three more that's all, it has to be all. I need to keep Peggy and I alive as long as I can. 

They begin to spread apart as they come closer. I can take two. There's no time to think as one passes right by my tree. I grab my knife from my sheath and bring it right across the front of his neck. Silently I let him fall to the floor. I pull my rifle from across my back and stay low as I follow another soldier with my scope. I pull the trigger and watch the soldier go down. The lone shot has alerted the other soldier and certainly any other survivor now in the woods. I frantically scan the area for that last soldier. He's dodging in between the trees now. I'm so tired of fighting, so tired of nearly escaping death. Something inside me clicks and my feet take off. I run straight into his fire. I dive down near to where I last saw him and try to regain where I am. Looking to my left I see him crouched as well searching. I get down lower onto my stomach and load my gun. I take a deep breath and then hop up out of the bushes as he does the same hands up. 

"I am unarmed." He says in a heavy accent. 

"Ich spreche Deutsch." I say assuring him that I can understand him better if he speaks his native tongue. "Gibt es noch mehr von Ihnen?" (Are there more of you?) I ask stepping forward gun still raised. He shakes his head. What do I do? Taking another step forward I look for any sign of a weapon. When I'm assured he's clean I step back, gun still raised. He takes a small step towards me, and I take one back. He catches me off guard suddenly he's lunging at me with the light smile gone. My reaction is to pull the trigger. Whether it hits him or not I'm unsure, It definitely did, I can feel the warm blood soaking at my chest. Turning to my head slightly to the right I can see the incapacitated soldier's face, with eyes that still have life in them. He won't be able to harm me now, I can leave him to himself to die. His lips are slightly moving, and it's only when I quiet my breathing that I can hear the remnants of a German prayer. Rolling slightly to my left I'm able to get enough momentum going back the other way to roll him entirely off of me. 

His ragged breaths have dissipated quickly, I did hit him square in the chest though it's hard to say where due to the swelling red. The choking has begun now, a geyser of red sputters ever few seconds through his mouth. All the while I try to collect myself laying in the grass. It had to have only been two minutes at the most since I had first spotted him. Lulling my head to the side I see his suffering, his pain. In this moment I am myself again, the girl who gives up coats to those in need, the girl who would never back down from anything. The war had nearly taught me to forget those things about myself... Well not today.

Finding my knife tucked in its sheath I grip the handle before finding the strength to get to my knees. I rest one hand gently over the soldier's eyes, and the other steadies my dagger just below the breastbone. "Ruhe einfacher Soldat." (Rest easy soldier), I say, before driving the knife quickly and cleanly underneath the bone to pierce the heart. He stills instantly.

Realizing what I've just done, I pull out the knife and throw it out beyond my eyesight. My hands shake and everything about me is ready end it all. Looking down at my arms, my clothes, all of it stained red, a mix of blood from Germans, Peggy, and myself. I wipe my right hand across my torso hoping to just get a little bit of skin back, so I know the red isn't permanent. When it only smears it to a rusty brown I feel myself begin to lose it, but then I remember who I've left waiting. Silently I calm myself the best I can, I breathe and release the tension in my hand. When I turn though, it sends me into another state of madness. Bucky stands feet behind me, staring with a look of grotesque disapproval. When we lock eyes, his horror drains away and it is only his concern that shows. He drops to his knees. I can see his lips are moving but all the noise has drowned out to be a tsunami of a static and white noise. I'm just aware of him pulling me to him, he tries to pull me to my feet but when I refuse he thinks better of it. Instead he soothes me and scoops me up into his arms. Lifting me up we begin the trek back. I'm an inconsolable mess.

After what could be an eternity, we've reached the sight of the others and my white noise has started to cease and with it a renewed sense of self awareness. It's now that I realize I've been crying and whimpering the entire walk back, and only now that I understand Bucky's reassurances. As we reach the clearing I shake myself free of Bucky's hold, I drop to my feet looking for Peggy. She's already on a stretcher being attended to by two medics. I heave a sigh of relief before I feel my knees buckle and my sight go dark.

\---Bucky's POV---

The crack of a rifle shot rings as I pick up my pace through the brush of the snowy forest. Peggy had said she'd come out here, looking for overheard soldiers. I just need to find her, I calm myself remembering Peggy saying she'd taken her rifle with her. It had to have been her shot. Eve is strong, brave, resourceful, she'd done more than survived this entire war, and I don't believe today could be any different.

I'm so absorbed in my thoughts that I nearly miss the first body. I crouch down to inspect it. His throat is cut from ear to ear. I peer over the dead man at the tracks left by boots. Hers. I draw my pistol from it's holster and pick up my pace into a light run making sure to follow the tracks through the underbrush. Seconds later I see a change in pace from the prints, a jog into a full force run, that's when I hear the sounds of someone that might still be alive. Following the sounds I get closer until I start to see red drops of blood in the pure snow, looking up from the growing evidence I see her. She's sitting with her back to me. "Evelyn?" I say careful not to startle her. She doesn't turn to me, doesn't do anything except pull a knife from the corpse in front of her. "Evelyn?" I ask again, taking a step forward. She throws the knife far away from herself and then I see her shake, but only for a moment before she pulls it back together. Then she turns and I can see the full extent the toll has taken. When her eyes meet mine I realize I must look like a ghost, I drop to my knees closing our gap. Not an inch of her has been spared from the blood, it's now that she starts to let it all out, the tears and the held back gasps of shock and the near loss of life takes hold. All I can do is reach out and gather her in my arms. Now that her head is cradled against my shoulder I'm able to see the full scene. In a pool of red snow lays a German soldier cold and bled out. Evelyn isn't a ruthless killer, I know she'd never kill someone in a way that wasn't absolutely necessary, whatever happened here was out of necessity of survival, still how could I have ever let her do this. I can't help but feel this is my fault.

After her gasps turn into silent tears, I attempt at coaxing her to stand. Foolishly I pull her upright, but with no recognition she nearly falls back to her knees. Looking back over the darkening forest I can see the lights of our makeshift camp. Steve once carried her miles to safety when I couldn't, I could certainly make it back to the others to save her, right now I would do anything for her. I hoist her into my arms taking note of the sliced up arms and the bruised and swelling wrist. 

All through the snow I whisper our story to her, telling her of the day they met, how I still remember standing on the rails introducing myself. All the dancing, our first kiss, the night I watched her fall asleep in perfect peace before I was shipped away, and of course how much I love her. I don't know if she can hear me, but in a way it's easier to tell her these things this way.

When we finally do reach camp, she finally wriggles herself free of my hold, looking for Peggy no doubt. I watch her freeze at the sight of her and I'm barely able to catch her before she collapses. I nearly scream for a medic, but one of Peggy's saviors has already reached us. No formalities, he gets right to work barking orders, "Here prop her against this tree." I follow the instructions, helping him situate her. "I really don't feel comfortable with her being blacked out like this. If I'm going to do anything out here, she needs to be awake, I need to see the whites of her eyes." He pulls out a cloth and a bottle. Noticing my uncertainty, he explains, "This ammonia should act like a smelling salt, waking her up." Sure enough as he waves the soaked cloth under her nose she wakes with a large breath. 

She's clearly in shock, and though I can hardly see her under the dried blood, I can see that she has indeed made it back to me. She looks over where Peggy had just been evacuated by stretcher moments ago. Seeing that she might get worked up again, I brush the hair from her face catching her attention. "She's going to be just fine, but right now, help us focus on you." She nods, a move that reassures me. 

"If you could give her some water now Sergeant." Noticing my infatuation with her injuries I shake myself out of it helping her to get a few sips of water in her system. We knew they were in rough shape but we didn't know the extent of it. I hardly know what I could possibly do for Eve right now, she has no coat, no hat or gloves, no gun. Her face is covered in blood as is her hair. Her forearms are flayed with cuts that vary in size. As if someone tried to fillet her arms. Her shoulder has been reopened this time with an actual gunshot. Luckily it looks like it went all the way through. She hasn't spoken a word to me, but I hardly expect that after what just went down, the only thing that matters is getting her stable so we can get the hell out of this place.

Turning slightly to her left I can see her begin to squirm. "Where'd the bag go?" She asks clearly taxed by the simple saying. 

"Steve has it." I reassure her. She nods and then leans her head back closing her eyes. "Hey, hey. Evelyn you can't go to sleep." She bobs her head back up.

"What the hell happened to you?" I turn to the medic who has asked the question. Though I couldn't possibly expect her to answer I know that will help keep her attentive.

I don't expect her to answer, but she does. "Well my arms for starters..." The man gently takes her right arm out of my overlaid coat and looks it up and down while checking for broken bones. "The two deeper cuts are from a knife. The other ones must just be from hand to hand combat and then crawling through the woods..." The medic moves to the left arm feeling his way down to her wrist as soon as his hand touches it she flinches away. I watch as the man slowly tugs at the base of the wrist and watch as a new line of blood surfaces above her skin. "I didn't even know I got cut there. Why couldn't I feel it until now?" She asks trying to look away.

"Shock most likely. You're slowly going to start feeling every little bump and cut very shortly... Was this by the same knife?"

I see recognition in her face as she answers. "I was out of ammo and there was only three left in the way of the door... I had to protect Peggy so I gave her my gun to cover me and I just went for it. I actually got my knife stuck in his wrist, but he was able to get over me and get a few swipes at my arms. Peggy covered me." I was so focused on her that I become startled when she writhes back in pain for a moment. I look to my right and see that the medic has poured a solution over her arms. 

I take her face yet again and make it focus on me. "Eyes on me." She doesn't divert again as the medic wraps her arms in clean linen and then moves to her upper right arm and shoulder. I don't want to know all the hell that she went through today. Certainly she's come out of it a changed person. No person can do so much killing that close without loosing their self for a time.

The medic wraps her up without asking anymore questions, and then leaves to make sure Peggy is stable for transport. I take Eve's right hand in mine and just hold it. My beautiful girl in front of me hiding behind behind blood who knows whose it is. There will be time for the whole story later. "Can you stand?"

With a strenuous effort she nods. She looks destroyed, I've never heard her so quiet and never seen her so cold. I want to see her face again, so I take my sleeve and do my best to wipe away the things concealing her from me. She closes her eyes until I pull away. She catches my wrist as I move. She throws herself forward finally aware of us in our entirety. Its extremely awkward, her arms are tightly bound so there is no room for movement and I have to be careful of her other injuries. Slowly I pull her up so I can be closer to her. I pull her head to my chest and quietly shush her. "It's over." I coax her. "We're getting out of here." I hug her close to me as we follow behind the other men.

Eve leans against me as we walk but she still manages to stay on her own feet. We make it to the clearing where a plane has already landed for us. They've already gotten Peggy on board and situated. Howard and a surgeon are beside her as well as Steve. I guide Eve around them shielding her from seeing anything, but she doesn't try to move around and look. I honestly think she's still out of it. I help her sit down and then turn to see if anyone else needs help. She grabs my hand before I can step away. I turn back to her and stare at our hands. "Don't leave me." She says in a whisper. I immediately turn back and sit beside her. She lays her head against my shoulder and soon I feel her breathing even out as she falls asleep. I glance down and see her eyes closed. I kiss the top of her head. 

"Never again." I whisper back, meaning it this time. I lay my head on hers and anxiously wait out the take off. As soon as we're in the air I try to catch some sleep but Steve comes over interrupting my plans.

He kneels down in front of her with a concerned look. "Did she get what she needed?" His question takes me aback. I lift my head of Evelyn's, and reach for the bag beside me. I toss it harshly at him.

"You aren't gonna ask how she is?"

"They knew what they had to do... I needed to know if it was for nothing."

"Yeah Steve they got it done... She got shot twice and cut all across her arms but she got the mission done so it doesn't matter."

"You know I don't mean it like this."

"How'd you mean it then?" I say annoyed.

"Peggy was awake for enough time to tell us most of what happened... We never should've sent them in." He leaves it there getting up with the bag and walking towards the front of the plane. I watch him till he's out of sight then I link my hand through Eve's and lay my head back on hers. I take in this moment, her just being next to me. I never want to forget this moment because it is the moment that I realize I still have her here. She may be different in the coming weeks but it's nothing we can't recover from together. Whatever happens next she won't be alone in it. I kiss her head again and then find sleep.


	28. Things Done In The Dark

\---Bucky's POV---

I'm woken up by a small shake to my shoulder. I lift my head from Eve's and see that Steve has woken me up. We're the last three aboard the carrier. "We've landed in London. The hospital is down the block, they want to see her."

Looking to my left I see that Evelyn is deep in sleep. "Can't we wait until she wakes up. She's stable."

"They want to see her, and they want you with us to discuss the information recovered." Steve looks down at the ground obviously not wanting to demand this from me at the moment. 

"I'm not going to leave her alone, not after everything that happened today."

"She won't be alone... Howard is helping Peggy get stabilized and then he'll be right over to check on Eve."

"Pfft. Howard..." I say shaking my head.

"He saved her life you know. He'll take care of her." I look up. He really doesn't get my meaning. 

"That's what I'm worried about..." It's not that I entirely don't trust him, but I couldn't possibly leave her alone with anybody but myself. I watch as Steve rolls his eyes.

"Would you relax. They've worked together on a lot of stuff these past few years, but neither one of them have ever shown attraction to the other." I ignore his statement and slowly ease Evelyn off my shoulder. This little movement wakes her, unexpectedly calm, she lets me help her to her feet. She sways only a moment before she's ready to descend. She notices Steve, but neither of them speak. There is only a sad glance from her to him. "Come on." I say steering her away.

As we reach the the pavement there's an escort car waiting for us, and the clouds have finally broken. I help her into the back seat and then enter myself. Our driver knows the mission so he takes off as soon as I shut the door. Evelyn is laying her head against her window, her bound arms are held out on her lap in front of her obviously trying to find a comfortable position. She's shivering ever so slightly now. Sliding to the middle seat I reach for her unbroken hand. She immediately turns and buries her face into my shoulder. Careful not to disturb any of her injuries I hold her until we reach the hospital.

When we reach the front we're greeted by a doctor and a few nurses with a stretcher, which Evelyn refuses. They show us to a room where Evelyn is finally able to sit on the bed. I step aside while a nurse pulls out an IV tube. I see her search both of Evelyn's arms for a place but they're both bound tightly with the bandages from the field. She moves quickly to the unbroken hand and swabs it over with alcohol then inserts a needle into her vain. She hardly reacts to it. Next the nurse begins to unwrap the bandages. The cuts are more vivid now that they've clotted. Now you can see every slice across the skin.

"Are these cuts from a knife?" the nurse asks examining each one.

I've taken a step back so the nurse can work but when I see Evelyn looking to me for confirmation I nod from the corner. "Most of them... I don't know where some of the smaller ones came from..." The nurse nods and then grabs a bottle from the table.

"Well I won't need to stitch any of these up. But this will probably sting." She pours little amounts of the substance on each and every cut. Evelyn flinches and writhes a bit but it doesn't seem too painful. The nurse moves to the tear in her upper right arm.

"I got shot." Evelyn says when the nurse freezes. She then peeks under the bandage wrapped tightly around her shoulder but quickly presses it back down. "It nicked my arm. My shoulder was hit too but I think it went all the way through." Eve shudders a little bit and the nurse takes notice. She kneels down in front of her at eye level.

"Hey you're going to be okay. I'm just gonna stitch those up, we'll clean you up, and then you can go to sleep." Evelyn nods and then the nurse goes to work, she stops by me. "She'll doze off soon enough." The nurse must've put something to knock Evelyn out in her IV because when I look beyond her I see that Evelyn has indeed laid back on her pillow with heavy eyes. Knowing that Steve demands my presence, I kneel back down by her.

"I need to go take care of a few things."I say sweetly to her. She just nods and reaches for my hand which I take gently. I hate to let go, but I have to. I squeeze her hand and then kiss her on the forehead. One day I won't have to turn away and leave her. One day I'll marry her and we'll be together for the rest of our lives. It may not be soon but someday we will be happy. 

\---Evelyn's POV---

My eyes feel heavy as I force them open. The clock on the wall reads 8:00. Is it morning or night? It takes a moment to regain myself but when I do I realize where I am. The pain has been reduced to a dull throbbing. Even as I pull myself up into sitting position I don't hurt wholly. I'm in different clothes now, that's right, I was cleaned and helped into clothes. This causes me to suddenly panic. I frantically search all around for my clothes and the files I tucked away in them. Please God don't tell me that Bucky found them.

The door in the corner opens causing me to freeze. Light floods in, in a path across the floor. Howard enters the room alone. As he comes closer he starts to wave my files in front of him. I relax for just a moment. "I hope you intended me to find these." He says flopping them down onto the bed side table.

"And why were you in my pants." I say. I can't help but smirk as he looks up at me surprised.

"I... I wasn't." Ah yes Stark honesty. "I honestly wasn't. I took them from your nurse who got you into what you're wearing now."

I glance down at the white gown I'm wearing, remembering. "I meant for you to find them and to not tell anyone."

He sits at the end of my bed and continues to talk. He sounds more serious than usual. "Why would you keep it a secret? You gave the others in for evidence." He pauses then continues when I continue to look at him. "The stuff in there is serious. Crazier shit than I've ever seen done to a human being..."

I cut him off because I just want him to listen. "I need you to study it... Along with the others I found."

"Why? Why should I listen to you and go behind the SSR's back?" To show a sign of strength I uncover my covers and slowly try to stand. Howard immediately stands and comes to my side. "Stop." He says pushing me back down. The movement has made me dizzy so I do as I'm told and have a seat. 

I know he's listening now. He continues to hold my hand as I continue, "I want you to study them and find out exactly what they did and what they planned on doing to him... and the others." I look down at our linked hands and think about everything we've accomplished together. 

He kneels down so he can look up at my downtrodden face. "I want to help you but I can't take on something like this right now. I've got too much going on."

"What, like reinventing Erskine's serum?" I say. He looks at me surprised. "Don't think I didn't notice that you only put a few drops of Steve's blood in me that day. You are going against everything the Doctor wanted..."

"Are you saying you'll tell on me?" He says with blank look.

"I'm giving you information. We know they've been trying to replicate it, maybe there's something in there that might correlate."

He gets up from his crouch and begins to pace. "If they catch me they'll find out you were withholding evidence." He says stopping for a brief moment. "I can't have that on my conscience." I roll my eyes as he paces away from me.

"James is my fiance and I know what I am doing." I say confidently. "This is bigger than you and I. What Hydra is trying to accomplish... We can't let other men go through that." Deep down I know he will do what's right, it might just take a push.

He thinks for a moment before he asks his next question, "What happened to him in there?" Howard asks leaning against the wall now.

I shake my head and reach for the file. Everything is written in German or code. "I don't know." Bucky had spoken very little about what had gone on in there but things the Hydra man had said in the base begged otherwise. I close the file and hold it out to him. "Are you going to help me Howard?" He looks from me to the file and then back.

Reaching out for the packet he has his answer, "Of course I will." He takes it from me and then folds up my hand kissing my knuckle before setting it down on the bed. "I'm headed back to a base in New York tonight. I'll be back before they ship back out in a few days." He stands and begins to leave.

"Thank you." I call out.

"I'll see what I can find." Is all he says as he crosses the room. The door closes behind him taking the light away. I blink several times to get used to the dark. I just sold my soul away to a Stark and for some reason I'm not afraid.

I sit in the dark for awhile, waiting for someone, anyone to come let the light back in. After an hour I start to become a little panicky. I need to be beside someone. I know the nightmares will be alive in my mind tonight, it's just something that I will have to live with for a while. And where is Bucky? Couldn't he spare me a few minutes. Well maybe not they must be planning the next raid already. 

After trying to fall asleep for another full hour I finally decide that I can't handle the loneliness. I carefully let my feet fall to the cold tile. Slowly I stand clenching my eyes closed to keep the dizziness away. I'm pumped with pain meds and my legs are fine. I can do this. I take one step away without holding onto the table and then two and then three. I'm able to get the door open. Across the way is a room with a door ajar. Inside lays Peggy on her bed and Steve and the rest of the Howling Commandos beside her. I smile knowing she isn't alone and that she'll make it through, waking up to all those that love her. I don't see Bucky in the small crowd so I continue on through the building until I reach the housing quarters. Bucky has his own room and I make sure to remember each turn from the one time I was able to visit him before. Three doors down from the window. Looking outside as I approach I see that it is indeed night.

I breathe in sharply as I reach his door. The exert in energy to get up here was exhausting. I tap on the door twice and then press my ear against it. I shouldn't be here. He didn't want to see me earlier so why would he want to see me now? I just want to be near him. I stop mid knock. I look at my mangled arms and body and take a step back. Why am I here? I'm about to turn away but the door creaks open. I look up ashamed. I come face to face with my Bucky who is pulling a shirt over his head. "Evelyn?"

Tiredness hits me hard so I don't answer. A mortified look comes over his face as he steps out into the dying light of the hallway. "You were asleep when I came back... I promise I was just about to head back over... What's wrong?" 

I display my fragile arms in front of me, bandaged and swollen. "They're gonna scar." Is all I say. Bucky has my hands immediately sending a shock of fire through my body. 

"If you're implying that you think I'll treat you any differently after what happened today then you're dead wrong." He puts his hand on the back of neck. "I love you. Nothing will change that. No amount of scars, mental or physical will change that." The medication is messing with my mind as I try to think through everything being said. I try to form words but all that comes out is a small whimper and then a small amount of tears. He just holds me close and tries to calm me down. 

He lets me lean against him as we enter into his room. I'm barely awake as I fall onto his bed. I roll onto my good shoulder and shiver out of control. He's quickly beside me again with a blanket that he lays over me. He lifts my head just for a moment to slip under it. He lets me lay my head on his thigh as he strokes my hair repeatedly as I try to fall asleep.


	29. Time Will Never Be On Our Side

It was a long day with nothing but questions towards me, many of which I had no answers for. My morning consisted of a interrogation, the kind that presumed I may have given the enemy information while in the base. I was cleared with ease, however when I they saw my state. I visited Peggy who is awake and nearly up and about. I was interviewed by officials on the information I found. I knew nothing about what I had actually uncovered until today when they explained it.

In that office I had come across a schedule, some codes, files of the experiments, and I did find coordinates they believe to be the base in the mountains. Which is good for us really. Not one person tried to ask what I went through inside which I am grateful for but I know that Peggy will be willing to share. I know she'll try to glorify what I did but in all honesty I just did what I had to do to keep us alive. I even killed those men in the forest unprovoked, but no one will know those specifics.

I was checked on by a doctor and was cleared by said doctor. I have stitches in my shoulder, but my cuts have all cleared enough that I'm able to just have one or two wraps around them. I've been taking painkillers throughout the day but the truth is I don't mind the pain.

I haven't seen Bucky all day and that's all I want now as I search the bar looking for him. I try to avoid everyone else as I spy him across the room alone in a chair. Both of us alone. Both of us hurting. I place a hand on his shoulder as I slide into the chair beside him. He looks over to me and a smile spreads across his face. "Thought they'd never let you go."

I smile as he reaches for my hand. I stare at our interlocked fingers and say, "It was a long day." I look up from below to find him looking at me. His free hand finds my cheek and my free hand presses against it. I lean in and steal a quick kiss. I look around suddenly aware that there are other people around.

"Let's go for a walk." He says quietly. I nod and let him lead the way out. I hold his hand tightly as we exit the bar. It's cold and neither of us are wearing coats so we get as close as we can to conserve heat. We walk awhile without speaking, and that's perfectly fine to me because we're together. In an instant I'm a girl in Brooklyn again walking right next to my best friend on a cold winter night. Somehow I knew that we would be together someday I just didn't expect these circumstances. I know that any moment he will want to talk to me about tomorrow so I pull myself from my daydream. He's leaving again, and this time I won't be able to follow. Just as this thought leaves my head he stops me. I try to keep walking but his grip on my hand stops me from getting further away. 

I clench my eyes shut not wanting to hear it from his mouth. I slowly turn to him and bring my arms up against his chest. As I lay my head against him I beg, "Don't say it." His arms are quickly wrapped around me and we are swaying back and forth. "I need you to be here with me." I plead trying not to let him see my fear.

"I know." Is all he says as we sway. "I know... Time is not on our side."

I let out a small laugh. "It seems like it never was."

There's a pause but as he slowly pries himself away he answers,"Well maybe tonight it could be..." When I look into his eyes I see a spark and I know what he wants. Somewhere inside me I know I want the same thing. I bite my lip while displaying a small grin I then reach for his hand, and begin to lead him away to my quarters.

Peggy still hasn't been released from the hospital yet so for now our room will Bucky and I's. The whole wing will be empty tonight which means we can be alone. I have to say I'm nervous. I'm so comfortable with him and him with I, but I can't help but feel butterflies. He grips my hand as we walk up the never ending stairway towards the room. My heart beats faster each step we take. I trust him with every fiber in my body and I know that after this war is over we will get married and be together for the rest of our lives. 

After what seems like a lifetime we finally reach my floor. I peak out the door just to double check that no one is around. I fumble with the keys as I reach my door, but he slowly puts his hand on mine to steady me. He slowly lifts my chin up at him. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to..." For a moment I focus on my arms and stitches and bandages but then I remember that he will leave me again tomorrow. 

"I want this." I whisper searching his eyes. I steal a quick peck on the cheek and then try to pull away but he catches my hand. When I look back into his eyes I see fire. He swoops me up and pushes the door open. 

He carries me over to the bed and sets me down. He locks the door and then tosses the key to the table. The room is charged with electricity as he makes his way over to me. We've been alone before but never like this. Before we would just hold each other all night in want, but tonight we need each other. 

I stand up to meet him and immediately he is against me. I put my palms against his face to study him before he pulls me in. The kisses are more intense than ever as he pulls me even closer to him. Soon we are flipped around and I push him down against the bed. I have no idea what comes over me but being a foot away is too much so I throw myself down onto his lap where I continue to kiss him. He's gentle with me as he runs his hands across my still bandaged arms and stitched up shoulder. I finally pull away and straddle him as he holds my face in his hands. "You're sure?" He asks holding me gently.

Confidently I say, "Yes." As I start to unbutton his shirt he helps me by pulling it off. I catch his eyes once more before we're both busy tossing the clothes about. I unbutton my dress as he continues to kiss me. the rest of the clothes go with it until I'm just in my under dress. My hair is undone and he's standing in front of me. The want is too much, before I can think further he's swung down over me. He crawls over me till we're face to face. His hands burn into the blanket beside my head. I love him so much and just for one more night I know that he can be mine. I bring him down against me wanting to be closer to him than I ever have before.


	30. Another Lie From The Front Lines

War is a peculiar thing right? One second you're celebrating a minor victory and then the next it's wholly crushed you into nothing. We all lose people, that's life, but when it happens to you... When you lose that one special person in the world there is no concept of life afterwards. You go into shock and then you shut down. You might scream or cry and then collapse. It happened to me today. I lost my best friend, I lost my fiancé, and I lost myself. 

I hadn't heard a thing all day and for some reason I didn't worry. Why! Why didn't I worry? Time went on and then all at once the door opened and they were back home... They marched by me with the prisoner and I still didn't read the signs. Not one man looked at me as they passed, not one had a smile displayed on their face. When they had passed I turned, expecting to see Bucky and Steve bringing up the rear... Just Steve standing there looking sadder than I'd ever seen him. By then Howard and Peggy had already heard in the other room and were standing beside me as I realized what happened. I shook my head but Steve slowly nodded his and looked away from me. I collapsed to my knees wanting to let out a scream instead tears flooded my eyes as the arms of someone strong enveloped me easing me to the floor.

I sat on the floor silently trying to get it through my head that James was gone. Dugan and Gabe eventually joined me shushing Peggy and Howard away. They knelt down beside me and Gabe slipped his hand into mine as they both tried to explain what happened. When they got to the end I turned expecting Steve to still be in the doorway downtrodden. He wasn't there. He left me alone in this. This is Steve's fault... It is... If it weren't, he'd still be here ready to get through this together. He let James go today and now he can't even bring himself to see me...

I've already forgiven James for the slightest things he's ever done to me. We never fought like other couples... We lied, we both died and I've forgiven him. I'll never be able to forgive myself though. I let him go this morning after we gave each other everything last night. I was the one who gave them the information for the train. I trusted that he'd come back okay. Why? I thought I could trust Steve too. I won't ever be able to forgive him either. Steve let him slip through his fingers. He couldn't even bring a body back so I could mourn. He never even came by to see how I was.

Echos of Brooklyn and the sudden want of my old street floods my mind. I try to make myself smaller in my empty room by bringing my legs up to my stomach. I clench my eyes shut as I lay my head back against the wall. As I close my eyes I see Bucky smiling at me that night before he left, I see him at the bottom of my stairs, again that night where he carried me home after I slipped on ice. I find comfort in it and open my eyes willing him to be beside me. I am alone. I will never see him again. He will never come back for me. I can't sit still any longer so I stand up and move to two steps. I take in the quiet and the nothingness. 

For the first time in my life I am alone.


	31. Home Again

The rain continues to beat down on my umbrella as I take the familiar last steps to my front door. I've been back in the states now for a few weeks. I felt that I didn't have a reason to be fighting the war anymore. I close the umbrella and shake it dry. I reach for the doorknob and my ring clinks again the handle. I pause for just a moment looking at the happy gold against the black of my front door.I close my fist and use my other hand to open the door. In all honesty I'm afraid to take it off in fear that I'll never have the cause to wear it again. I tried to give the ring back to the Barnes family but they refused in a wave of tears. I told myself that I wouldn't cry when I went to confirm the news but when I saw his sister puffy eyed and still so small I fell into their arms and we cried together and spoke about him the entire afternoon. For the first time in my life I walked home from Bucky's apartment without his companionship.

"Mother I'm home." I call out shutting door to the rain. "Mom?" I call as I click down the entryway past the staircase and begin to hear voices. I come around into the dining room where my mother sits with my father. I stop abruptly not expecting to see anyone but my mother in this house. My eyes wander away to the other side of the table. Howard is sitting with a handful of white envelopes. They seem concerned. At my entry my father and Howard stand to face me. No salutes are given as my time as a ranked official is over. No one speaks for a long time. It's silent beside the thin drumming of the rain against the windows. 

"Evelyn..." Howard begins stepping forward. He looks over to my dad and then my father continues.

"We know none of this has been easy on you and I know that..." At this he comes forward and puts his hands on my shoulders. He hasn't touched me since before I left for war. "We think you should reconsider and rejoin the the SSR as an agent."

He's saying these words out loud right? My eyes find my mother and she nods as if she's known everything since the beginning. "Why?" Is all I can bring myself to say looking back to him. He steps away again becoming the cold and distant man he's become. He waves Howard over who makes his way across the rest of the room. He hands me one of his envelopes. "You can't even bring yourselves to explain what I'd be doing?" I say in disbelief. "I won't go back. I can't and I won't. " I almost raise my voice but I remember that there's nothing to be angry about just more sadness. I sniff and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry sir but I cannot accept." I stand up straight and give back the papers. I can't read my father' expression but Howard is clenching his jaw as if he's angry. I flash the tiniest smile at them and then turn. I can feel the tears returning as I turn away. I bring up my wrist to wipe them away as I reach the stairs. I let my hand fall behind me and it's caught by Howard. 

"You know the guys are heading out tomorrow... We found the last base... Well actually you and Peggy did. Point is a lot of good guys are gonna die tomorrow."

"Is that supposed to make me want to go back?" I say turning. 

"Please." He says stepping on the same step as me. He looks behind to make sure my father didn't follow. "You'd be working for me, in a private lab separated from the SSR. I just said you'd be back as an agent for a cover so that so your dad would let me talk to you." I think about how good it would be working again but then I remember that Bucky won't be there. I sigh. 

"No. Howard I can't." He doesn't say a word, just lets go of my hand leaving one envelope in it. His face is blank for once in his life as he lets me go. I thank him without words instead with a nod.

He breaks his straight face. "Take care of yourself Eve." He says with a remorseful smile. He turns and walks straight for the front door. My grip gets tighter as the front door closes. I glance down at it. It's addressed to me with confidential stamped across it. It feels weird to have intel again. Acceptance crosses my mind for just a second before I realize that I won't ever be able to do the job again. I know that I'd be able to handle it, i'd just handle it very differently than I should. I would turn into the girl I was running through an ablaze base and a wintry forest... Killing and asking no questions before or after. I can't lose myself, I won't cause the deaths of anymore soldiers or innocent people. 

I climb the rest of the stairs and push open the door to my room. Somehow I find my way to the window seat where Bucky told me everything would be okay that morning of the Pearl Harbor attack. I hug my legs to my chest and study the envelope more. Curiosity gets the best of me so I slowly start to tare it open. I start to slide the the paper out but then stop myself suddenly. I shake my head. The war took everything I'm not going back. I toss the paper into my trash bin and then sit at my vanity. In a tear stained pile is a stack of letters from James and notes from Steve dated all the way back to school. My old necklace from my father sits in a little ball in the corner as well. In one hand I pick them all up and with shaking hands dump them into the trash as well.

All that's left is my ring... I study it for a few moments reliving the moments between us. The day I found out he liked me back, the night he carried me halfway across the city after I sprained my ankle on the ice, the night under the stars. Even more vivid is his smile and his laugh, the way he would spontaneously grab my hand and pull me closer to him. I start to wiggle it off as his words echo in my head... He promised me he'd marry me someday. I think about leaving it on but It's just another promise needing to be broken. There was more lies in our relationship than either of us knew about and that's okay because somehow it worked. I take it the rest of the way off, but instead of throwing it away I toss it into a drawer. My hand rests on the handle for only a moment before I slam it shut.

It feels final now that the last strand left of him has been torn away. Maybe it's what I need maybe not, but the bitterness inside me is taking root and I don't know how to handle it.


	32. Dear Evelyn,

A letter came for me today along with a telegram telling me the details of Steve's fateful mission. As of now they are searching for the plane that he was brought down in but it's not looking good. The telegram was addressed to my home but it did little to explain what really happened and I know that's just to spare me and the world from the actual fate of the beloved Captain America. But what about the fate of Steven Grant Rogers? I want to know what happened to him. I've shed my tears for Bucky and now again as I weep over Steve. I had sat on the edge of my bed just praying that it wasn't true all morning, but I know it's over. Steve's gone. There's nothing I can do to change my last moments with him. I'll never see either one of my boys again. I let a few more silent tears fall as I run my hands across the envelope addressed to me, that I haven't had the courage to read. I just stare at it. The handwriting is Steve's I'm sure of it.

With shaking hands I tear open the white envelope and bring the shear paper up to the light. A letter and a picture are inside. Pulling out the letter I start to feel myself boil with anger at myself and then simmer with more tears of what I've done.

Dear Evelyn,

I never wanted this for any of us. I hope you know that. If I had thought for a moment that this would be the outcome of me becoming this, I wouldn't have even thought about agreeing. It wasn't right of me to leave you alone the day it happened I hope you'll forgive me someday for it whether it's before the war or after, I just hope you can. 

Bucky loved you more than anything else in this world and I'd be lying if I could say I wasn't jealous. You made him so happy. When we were younger before you started to go out the only thing he would talk about was you. How he dreamed about marrying you some day. I'm so sorry that you will never be able to have that with him, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't try to have that with someone else. If you never want to see me again I can understand but promise me you won't stop trying to live your life. If that means getting back into the SSR and tearing up the world with Howard and Peggy then you should because Bucky never would've wanted to see you alone. 

Eve I may not make it home from this fight and you may never rejoin it but, I just want you to know that you have always been my little sister. If we never see each other again I hope you remember me as that little kid in Brooklyn not the man you think I've become. I know forgiving me for Bucky will be hard. I haven't even begun to think about forgiving myself because it was my fault Eve, I let him fall through my fingers, and there's nothing I can do to change that, I hope I haven't done the same to you... So please, live on... If not for me then for Bucky. He would want you happy. I want you happy too. 

We will all see each other again Evelyn. Maybe not on Earth, maybe not soon, but we will. I hope you'll consider coming back someday because I need you around.

Love and miss you everyday.

-Steve

The tears are rolling down my face as I lay the letter on the dresser. I wipe my eyes on the sleeve of my dress and my palms on my skirt before I take out the second piece of paper. A wave of more emotions overcomes me as I pull out a drawing. Steve has sketched a picture of Bucky and I standing together outside the London bar on the sidewalk. We're linked at the hands and I'm on my tiptoes looking up at him with a huge smile on my face. Then there's James... All stoic with his uniform and smirk. Looking at it reminds me of the exact moment. I close my eyes and can almost feel him beside me in the early winter air. 

What am I doing? In a quick motion I drop to my knees on the floor and the lean the trashcan over pulling out the letters I threw away days ago. I toss most of them aside until I reach the one given to me by Howard. I don't know what I'm doing until it's open and in my hands. I grip it tight in my hands as I begin to read.

I'm hardly taking in the information on the page, but as I reach the end I find myself flying down the stairs to the front room. I reach the house phone and find my hand hovering over the dial. It takes only a minute to realize that it's really what I want. I dial the number one digit at a time and wait for the answer.

"Hello. Howard? It's me... I want back in..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers,  
> That's the first part of three in this book. I hope you're enjoying it so far. Just know that from here on out chapters will be uploaded weekly on Mondays.   
> Part II will bridge the gap between WWII and Captain America Winter Soldier.  
> Thanks for reading, see ya'll real soon.


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